Are men at uni only really out for one thing?

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Are men at uni only really out for one thing?

Postby katie86 » Sat Jun 16, 2007 10:58 pm

Ok this is a little bit of a rant!
At the moment I am at university, I moved about 100 miles away from my home town to a big city, which I thought would be fantastic for meeting new people, and in a lot of ways it has been.
I have made some absolutely fantastic friends, especially on my course as we are a group of 50 girls and we all get on really well.

I have been single since before christmas, and I have come to point now where I would like to meet someone new. The thing is, the men I have met have only been out for one thing, and I'm not! Whilst I suppose this is always going to be part and parcel of the university life I'm really not up for one night stands or casual flings.
Another problem is, I often feel like the guys I meet are a bit too young for me, this might be because my previous boyfriends have always been about 3/4 years older than me.
Because everyone on my course is female.. all my close friends are girls, and as it turns out, most of their friends have been girls too, which rules out the possibility of meeting anyone that way!
My halls have been a complete disaster from start to finish, everyone in my block is really into drugs, and they only seem to be social with people who do drugs or give them drugs. :roll:

The places me and my friends tend to go for drinks/meals or nights out are often the cheap studenty places, which is where the first problem is, but I don't think they are really up for going anywhere a bit more upmarket, and to be honest... we have the best nights out in the scummy pubs!


My course is very demanding, I'm in all day every day and work at the weekends, and whilst I had every intention of joining a club, I just haven't had the time, and the girls on my course have had the same problem, we simply can't make the meetings a lot of the time, which would have been a great way to meet people and I do intend to try again next year.

And finally... men just won't approach me! (In fact, my ex boyfriends all got their mates to set them up with me or get my number) I don't know what it is, they just don't! People have said to me in the past 'Oh I bet you get chatted up all the time' and I really don't, god I wish I did! haha! Honestly, all I get is the odd perv who tries to grab my bum!
Another annoying thing is that I don't notice if someone is looking at me, my friends will tell me and I don't understand why I don't spot these things and they do.
I am far to shy to go over and talk to anyone myself, and even if I did I wouldn't know how to start a conversation.. even after a few glasses of wine!

Am I the only one who has this problem? Should I just accept the only guys I am going to meet at uni are randy, drunken students!
Sorry, a bit of a rant, I know, think I'm just having one of those days!
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Postby Richard » Sun Jun 17, 2007 5:18 pm

No problem - we all need a good rant every now and then!

For many, uni is the first time they've really lived away from home. We are no longer controlled by our parents; so we feel we can experiment, explore different aspects of ourselves and develop our own rules for living. For many, the rules they develop are - no rules. Sorry, that's wrong. There is one rule: sex and drugs and rock'n'roll :wink:

That's probably more true of men than women. And certainly many women feel that men of their own age seem rather immature, and prefer dating older men.

I'm sure you'll find that not all the men are
randy, drunken students.
But the ones who aren't like that are probably not spending their evenings in
scummy pubs
- so if you're not going to quiet bars, and not joining clubs then you won't meet them!

Pretty simple, really.

So I think you really need to make the time to join clubs and try different things. I know it must be hard when your course is so demanding. But life is for living, so try to get out there and live a little more...

Oh, and everyone wants and needs sex - but it can be difficult finding the balance between our physical and emotional needs. Men are taught at an early age to devalue emotional needs, which makes it easier for them to have casual sex. Women are taught to devalue physical needs, which makes casual sex more problematic. But that's a whole other issue. As is your shyness and inability to see when someone fancies you. I wouldn't bother about those now - see how everything else pans out first.

Have fun - and good luck!
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Postby captainf » Sun Jun 17, 2007 6:43 pm

Yeah unfortunately it does seem most guys are out for sex, when at uni. I have a friend who goes to uni and hes always telling me what his friends are getting up to and all it seems like they're doing is clubbing and having casual sex (this includes the girls)

I guess in reality the best option is not only to find someone whos older and more mature, but someone that isn't a uni student. Atleast that way that immature stage of their life has past and they've 'been there and done that' Maybe pubs/clubs are not the best places to meet people. Have you joined any groups/clubs where you can meet like minded people? Alternatively you could get a friend to set you up with someone.

I know that you was visiting a friend a few weeks ago. Do you think things could possibly progress with you and the friend?
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Postby Bacardi » Sun Jun 17, 2007 7:06 pm

No offence, captain flynn, but you're only going by what a friend has told you. When I was at university it was only a handful of the students that were up to that and when I visited my friends at their respective universities, it was, again, just a handful of people. It's not just uni where that happens either. I actually believe it gets worse once men/women get more experienced.

I can't offer better advice than Richard - I think he has hit the nail right on the head! Just take things as they come and enjoy yourself. University is great for that and remember that this was your first year - in September, or whenever your new semester starts, everyone will be a lot more settled in and relaxed as it's usually the fresher year where people go a little crazy. As for the halls, are you able to ask for a relocation?
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Postby captainf » Mon Jun 18, 2007 4:44 pm

Perhaps I should correct you and myself.. Im not going on what 1 friend has said.. most of my friends went to uni and said the same thing... and obviously katie86 has found this as a problem too.

All we can do is reassure her that there are a few nice guys out there and she will find one of them in time.
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Postby all_apologies » Mon Jun 18, 2007 7:05 pm

Okay first of all, all guys at uni are definitely not only out for one thing. I've met some really, really lovely guys at uni; if I was straight it would be great :P Some of my friends' boyfriends have become good friends of mine and are really good guys, so don't tar them all with the same brush. I think a lot of people have some unfair misconceptions about students that are giving us all a bad name!

I agree with Richard in that maybe going to slightly more upmarket places might be a good idea. I think sometimes the places that are ideal for going for a laugh with mates aren't always the best to go hoping to meet a possible partner. Where I live, one of the most popular nightclubs is absolutely great to go and get merry and have a dance, but definitely not the place to go talent spotting! I also find bars rather than clubs are the best places to get speaking to guys as people tend to be a little more relaxed and obviously it's easier to have a chat. Bear in mind too that some folks will act differently and sometimes try to be laddish round their mates. Catch them off guard and away from their friends and you might see a different side to them.

Above all, I'd advise to simply keep an open mind and remember that being a student doesn't define your personality - you'll find good and bad in everyone regardless of how old they are and what they do for a living. I usually get chatted up when I least expect it, so don't go out specifically trying to find a love interest, and they might find you first!
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