I need some support + advice

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I need some support + advice

Postby captainf » Wed Oct 03, 2007 8:01 pm

I am booked in at the doctors next week for an STD check. I am terrified that they'll find something. Some STD's have the potential to put an end to my flying too.

I like someone now and she does make me happy. I told her how I felt recently and she said her feelings for me are strong but she needed time. I understand her reasons for wanting time (she loved me before I got with my ex, I just didnt know) and im doing my best to just be a friend until she figures out how she truely feels for me.. but my feelings are very strong and its hard not to fall head over feet. Shes been a really strong form of support for me over the past few months and it was only recently when we were hanging out loads that my feelings were confirmed and I could see how much she was there for me, and how much she cares. The problem is the past week or so shes been quite offish at times, and then affectionate. She says she just needs abit of space. She likes to cuddle alot, and I love holding her in my arms, but I dont know how often to cuddle her now. I dont want to come on too strong, but I also dont want her to think im no longer interested.

I feel really dirty and disgusting for having to go and get checked for STD's and I wonder if maybe shes been abit put off or ashamed of me? I wouldnt blame her if she was.. but right now I really need support because im scared. I have moved on from my ex but I seem to be constantly haunted by that relationship and its ruining my life. Ive moved on from my ex and I really want a chance with the girl I have feelings for but everytime we get closer something happens and it pushes her away.
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Postby Bel Bel » Thu Oct 04, 2007 4:44 pm

She may just be scared of getting close until she finds out your results
I think it's great your getting tested it shows you care about your sexual health

Maybe she wonders why you need to check, is it just a check because of splitting with ex and not being sure or is it because you have been having unprotected sex. She maybe thinking the worse?

Perhaps you eed to say to her , Iwnat to give you space you need to decide so until you know what you want I am going to keep it strictly no touching - see how she reacts

She could also be a bit scared your on rebound - how long has it been since split with ex?
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Postby captainf » Thu Oct 04, 2007 7:46 pm

Im getting tested because my ex slept with someone else while with me. We broke up in July. I just want to check, just incase. I probably dont have anything but its better to be safe than sorry.

The girl I currently like is someone ive liked for ages. I wanted her so much before I got with my ex but she was hanging out alot with another guy and I assumed they were getting together so forced myself to move on and got with my ex. Only then did I find out that she actually had feelings for me too.

You could be quite right. She may well see me as being on the rebound but far far from it (I am over my ex - we were too different) It felt so good inside to finally tell her how I truely felt after all this time and I had hoped she would want to start something. I respect that she needs time and I dont have a problem with that. Its just very hard to know where I stand. I am always open and honest with her, so she knows why im getting tested etc. I love the hugs etc but I just wonder if in her eyes are they in a friendly context? I miss her when im not around her and I would love to be able to say certain things to her but I have to hold back because I dont want to put too much pressure on her. I dont wanna stress her out and push her into something she isnt ready for. At the same time im scared that I might end up hurt - like I say shes been pushing me away at times and today has been one of those days. I havent heard much from her and thats quite unusual. I'm just frightened that im losing a chance to be with her.
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Postby retrochav » Thu Oct 04, 2007 11:41 pm

I imagine you both to be feeling anxious right now and that is where the problem is comming from.

She might fear you are on the rebound, she might be thinking "oh no, what if i could have picked up an STD from an ex", we cant really be sure what her issues are.

I would say that your responsible attitude should be inspiring for her. You are prepared to sort out any problems and face them. Most people would feel great reassurance.

Chances are mate that you havent contracted anything, STDs are on the rise, but so is awareness and people are getting tested and treated. It does show the importance of practising safer sex even with a regular partner though.

I reckon once you get the all clear, things will settle down for you. Remeber also that some infections may not be sexually transmitted. Thrush, cystitis, and some NSUs arent sexually transmitted but can be treated at a GUM clinic so it makes good sense to get checked up. They can also check for tummours too lads, so its worth going every six months for an MOT.

The people who say you only go to GUM clinics if you suspect you have something are the ones most likely to carry infection - after all not everything shows symptoms and if you dont get checked you can t be sure.
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Postby captainf » Fri Oct 05, 2007 5:01 pm

I spoke to my ex last night and she assured me that we never slept together after she had slept with that other guy.. I'm pretty happy with that because it means I dont have anything. However is it worth just going to have the test for the sake of having an MOT?

I was quite down and stressed last night before I got the news above, and me and the girl I like had abit of an arguement. I didn't mean to get upset but there has been alot of pressure and worry on me recently. She needs time and isnt ready to be with anyone and I totally understand this, but what gets me down is how she pushes me away so much. I like it when we're all jokey together and stuff, but there are days when she seems as if she isnt interested where I hardly hear from her, and other days where I hear from her alot and she seems as if she likes me.

I just feel really mixed up because I want to be with her so much but I dont want her to feel like im pressuring her. At the same time I dont know how to react to her pushing me away at times and I dont understand what makes her do that.
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Postby londonguy » Sat Oct 06, 2007 10:44 am

I went for a checkup at my local GUM clinic after splitting up with someone a few years back. I was always nervous about it after the split, as we had unprotected sex and she later turned out not to be the person I first thought that she was.

She was on a break from an engagement, but told me she was single. I was just blind and probably lonely to pay attention to the signs.

I'd say go for it and then you have medical proof and peace of mind. Not saying that your ex would lie. It's just that I found it was a huge weight off of my shoulders and allowed me to relax with a new girlfriend. I did put it off a bit, but then was honest with myself and realised that it was worrying me and that it's got mine and others interests at heart.
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Postby captainf » Sat Oct 06, 2007 3:56 pm

Yeah I see what you're saying. Its worth going just to know for certain, eventhough I know I dont have anything. As retrochav stated its a pretty responsible thing to do so i'll just discuss it with my doctor next week and see what he says..

I havent really got anything to add about the girl I like. She phoned yesterday evening before going to a party which was really nice of her. I like things like that, the little things such as calls, texts etc seem to please me. Shes at work today so havent heard from her much. I suppose as I said before, I need to pace myself to wait a while and not fall head over feet, but for me thats quite hard.
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Postby londonguy » Sun Oct 07, 2007 2:07 am

I know what you mean about falling head over feet. I do that when I like someone and analyse things. On a lighter note. If I like a woman, or a lady approaches me randomly then that's it. Game over! I just stumble over myself. However, if i'm introduced to a woman through a friend at a gathering etc I can just chat away.

Without sounding pushy I'd advise the checkup. As the only way you can ever be sure, is for finding out for yourself. Maybe that's me forcing my experience on you, it's just that I was worried sick. I'm guessing you are too! I found it gave me such peace of mind, as I wanted everything to be perfect for my recent girlfriend. I didn't want any worries.

I'm really happy to read that things seem to be going well for you with this new lady. :D
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Postby captainf » Sun Oct 07, 2007 2:36 am

Yeah I will continue and go for the check for peace of mind.

Actually no, things are not going well. :(
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Postby londonguy » Sun Oct 07, 2007 11:22 am

Sorry, anything you want to talk about?
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Postby captainf » Tue Oct 09, 2007 10:25 pm

Things with the girl are just abit complicated. She needs time and therefore requires abit of space from me where we dont talk about relationships etc. Im doing my best to comply with this but its hard. My feelings are quite intense and I guess im well aware that I may not even get her and thats what worries me. I actually feel quite sad and I hope so much she does decide to get with me but I know its a possibility she may not. :(
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Postby londonguy » Tue Oct 09, 2007 10:41 pm

It's hard when you really like/love someone.

I guess that all you can say to her is "I'm here for you and you know how I feel". Or perhaps not as she knows how you feel. Depends how much you've told her.

This is easier said than done, but let her see that you're enjoying yourself and such and she's more inclined to see you as you are, rather then the guy hankering after her. Also giver her a chance to see how fun you are and how she could be the girl who enjoys that with you.

She needs to see what she is missing, rather than hearing about it.

Again easier said then done. I'm rubbish at that, got the theory right, but the practical is still to be passed. :-?

I always give in and have to mention it.

When she's confused and tryng to work things out, you need to not be another thing on her mind, but something fun and happy that she wants.
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Postby captainf » Tue Oct 09, 2007 11:31 pm

She knows how I feel. I told her. I knew she was in love with me before and by the time I confessed my feelings, she was requiring time etc. I'm trying my best to be me but I dunno, i've never been good at coming out tops when its against other guys. I mean im a nice guy and always try to do the right thing but I dunno..

I'll just see how it goes I guess
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Postby captainf » Thu Oct 11, 2007 2:51 am

I saw my doctor today. He had a medical student (she looked about 17) sitting in to observe. At first I felt abit uncomfortable bringing up STI's etc so I started off by telling him about my eczema and how bad it is at the moment. He gave me some antibiotics for it. I then brought up STI's and how it can affect my flying and the doctor asked me alot of questions all to which I answered no. he stated that I probably dont have anything and should be fine. I am very relieved. As he prepared my prescription the medical student asked me about my flying and coincidently had been on holiday to the area inwhich I trained. She was keen to ask questions about my future steps to complete the process of becoming a pilot - this put me at ease because I actually didnt feel judged at all and I felt alot more comfortable.

However this evening was dreadful. I spoke to the girl im in love with and I think she was quite stressed out (I think she had a possible arguement with her mum) Towards the end of our conversation she said she decided she couldnt be with me. It completely broke my heart. She kinda changed her mind a little while later and said that she needs time. I don't really know what to do now. I feel heart broken, but im praying theres a chance there. I guess her having had a stressful evening may have caused this decision and im hoping she didnt mean it. After she went to bed she text me asking me what the frequency is of the radio station I listen to love songs on, and I told her. A little while later she text me goodnight.

I dont want to walk away from this if theres a chance that me and her could get together. Thats why im doing my best to try and stay strong.
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Postby londonguy » Thu Oct 11, 2007 11:48 am

It sounds llike you're doing the best you can. Remember you have to do what's best for you as well.

Limited contact might make it easier as well.

Glad you feel better now that you've seen the doctor.
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