I don't know how to support my husband

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I don't know how to support my husband

Postby Lindylou62 » Thu Oct 25, 2007 9:27 am

My husband's mother died on 8th October. She was only 67 and it was quite unexpected. Steve was very close to her and finding all of this incredibably difficult to deal with. At first he talked about it all the time and cried loads as well. It really helped him. But now he seems to be drawing away from me. I've tried to be as supportive as I can, listening, hugging etc. We live some way away from the rest of the family and I don't think that this is helping either.

I fear that this is going to tear us apart as I can't seem to help in any way. I know it's very early days yet but I get upset when I see him upset and just want to make it all better for him but I can't give Steve want he really wants. It's like we've reached a certain point and can't move on from it.
I really just need to know if I'm doing the right thing and what's the best way forward to help Steve and ensure that we all get through this the best way we can.
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Postby Sparkly_Penguin » Thu Oct 25, 2007 11:50 am

I can ensure you that just being there helps worlds. If you were never there at all, things would be so much worse for him.You said that the family live quite a bit away, but maybe you could plan a weekend there? Maybe try something that celebrates his mother, and doesn't mourn her.

Death is a horrible thing for anyone to deal with, and you're doing great supporting your husband like this. He may just need more time to get to grips with what's happened, it would have been a big shock for everyone.

But if you feel your relationship suffering, planning a nice surprise may help. Maybe even just going out for dinner, or book a holiday for next year or something, it sounds like you both need something to look forward to.

I'm sorry I can't help much, but take care anyway.
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Postby Bel Bel » Thu Oct 25, 2007 12:24 pm

My mum got stuck in guilt for 2 years because she felt guilty that my nan had to go in a home and she always promised her that wouldn't happen but she didn't have a choice
She turned to drink breifly but that faze past
The only thing which helped was when she finally went to a grief counsellor and the differnce was amazing and almost instanIf your husband doesn't want to go you can go and they can give you some advice on how to help Steve
Good luck
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Postby HappyGoLucky » Sun Oct 28, 2007 8:34 am

Yea, I agree with Sparkly_Penguin here. You're doing great by being there for him. He probably needs more time. Take him out for dinner and spend more time with him until he's better. Otherwise, take him to a grief counsellor like Bel Bel said.

Good Luck.
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