Cant get over this.

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Cant get over this.

Postby Kollette » Fri Dec 07, 2007 5:34 pm

As alot of you will know, I had a medical abortion a few weeks ago.

I dont know what to do because I can't forgive myself.

I'm finding it really hard to talk about this.

Im so sorry.
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Postby sunshine girl » Fri Dec 07, 2007 5:52 pm

It sounds to me like you really need to talk to someone about this to help you come to terms with your loss. Several organisations provide counselling specific to your situation including Care Confidential, Marie Stopes and BPAS (Google post abortion counselling). You made a decision that I’m sure you though was the best one for you at that point in time, you need to stop beating yourself up for it and forgive yourself. I really think it would be worth calling one of the organisations I mentioned, they’ll have lots of experience of these circumstances and will hopefully be able to help you.
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Postby snail » Sun Dec 09, 2007 5:08 pm

Hi there Kollette

I understand how you feel because I went through a similar thing, when I was 16. You did the right thing in a very difficult situation. You did nothing wrong, apart from having unprotected sex, and it sounds like you only did this because you were so upset and confused by other problems in your life at the time. Loads of people do it every day without anywhere near such a good excuse. In future you will always be careful about contraception, because of this experience. Plus it was at least as much your boyfriend's responsibility as yours - what's his excuse?

I agree with sunshine girl that proper counselling would help, particularly as you've had a lot of other things to deal with as well lately. Could you ask your GP? Best of luck and you should feel better soon.
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Postby Kollette » Sun Dec 09, 2007 7:29 pm

Heya,
Thanks for your replies :)

I didn't actually have unprotected sex, it must have been a fail in the contraception that we didn't notice because we were using protection at the time. Now I have banned sex with my boyfriend all together, because I feel like its too soon after what happened.

The more I think about counselling the more I think maybe it could help, but im not sure if its too difficult to talk about right now. I dont want to waste anyones time :(

I guess Im a bit of a mess right now. I didnt really get much choice on the abortion, and the nurses kept hinting that I'd hurt my baby by not realising I was pregnant (I'd drank heavily etc because I didnt know, It came as a complete shock as we were using protection). It wasnt really a baby though, I wasn't that far into the pregnancy.

I dont think I could have done anything else. But I still cant get it out of my head.

Sorry, thankyou, Kollette.
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Postby snail » Sun Dec 09, 2007 9:26 pm

Sorry, Kollette - I'm sure I read somewhere in one of your posts about your having unprotected sex and how much you regretted it? So I just put 2 and 2 together and made 5!!

Well then, if you suffered a failure in contraception you have absolutely nothing to blame yourself for. (I DID cause my pregnancy through being careless about contraception, and suffered agonies of remorse afterwards. At 16 I didn't really know if I could go to the doctor without my mum finding out, so I thought condoms bought from the chemist were the only option, and my boyfriend objected to using them. I thought I'd be bound to be OK, just that one time. I'm now the most careful person I know. Strangely my boyfriend didn't seem to blame himself at all).

Do what you think best with regards to counselling, but you wouldn't be wasting anyone's time. Chin up. It gets easier.
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Postby Kollette » Sun Dec 09, 2007 10:15 pm

Hey, no worries, you did read that!

I had unprotected sex (well I had just started the pill) with my bf not too long after the abortion, due to high emotions, but then felt rubbish about it.
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Postby kitten » Mon Dec 10, 2007 11:12 am

I would recommend going for counselling. Pregnancy and abortion cause all sorts of emotions. I'm pregnant with a wanted baby but still having panicy moments.

You did what was best for you at the time but it will take time to get over. I'm still in the early stages of my pregnancy and there are medical issues in my family that mean I want things checked re the babies development as soon as possible. But like you said early on the baby is not even classed as a feotus.

I think you should get help it may be difficult to talk about it but these people are trained professionals and even if you don't say much someone listening and giving you advice is probably what you need at the moment.

Let us know how you get on.
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Postby Bel Bel » Mon Dec 10, 2007 3:58 pm

You will not be wasting anyones time
It is a traumatic experience and I always say the emotional side is harder to deal with than the physical side
You need to be able to grieve this loss becasue that's what it is
Go for conselling so it doesn't become a deep rooted issue
And defiantely don't have sex again until you feel ready
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Postby LME79 » Thu Dec 13, 2007 12:01 am

kitten wrote:I think you should get help it may be difficult to talk about it but these people are trained professionals and even if you don't say much someone listening and giving you advice is probably what you need at the moment.

Let us know how you get on.


This is absolutely brilliant advice.

Reading your problem brought a tear to my eye because I went through a similar thing when I was your age. It's so difficult and I completely understand how you feel. Counselling is definitely beneficial; it helps you through the grieving process and it helps you realise that you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Please PM me if you need to talk further. I honestly do know exactly what you're going through right now. xxx
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Postby marisa » Wed Dec 26, 2007 4:21 am

hey, it always breaks my heart to hear of another girl suffering through the very traumatic, yo-yo emotions post abortion and have been there myself. i had a very hard time dealin with it and was very depressed for the longest time (took me about 6months to a year to get it togethor properly), there is no right or wrong way (or time limit) to grieve/deal with it. it is a very difficult thing to deal with and i could write pages bt all i'll say for now is that you are not alone, counselling when you feel ready could help you, if you would like to chat im more than happy to help anyway i can. also id recommend a website called choicetolivewith blogspot (id post the address bt it wont let me) as the girls on there are soo helpful.

all the best

marisa

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