Alone

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Alone

Postby messedup4eva » Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:20 pm

I don't fit in. I feel so disconnected from everything and everyone. I wont kill myself because i'm not that selfish i couldn't do that 2 my family but i dont wanna b here. I hate everything about myself. I change now and then and start moving forward maybe even think life isn't that bad but i always get back 2 this. I don't see the point in anything. I' m very much alone and hate everything about myself.
I've felt this way for as long as i can remember and no matter what i do it never goes away.
Not really looking 4 answers just needed 2 write this down let someone know whats in my head even if i don't know that person
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Postby miaow » Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:56 pm

Hi

Have you ever tried anything to overcome this feeling? Have you seen your GP to try to find out why you feel like this? Or talk to a counsellor? You have nothing to lose if you feel this bad by seeking help.

I think most people have felt like this at some point in their life. Some pick themselves up and get on with it, others can't. I fell into the latter category and ended up sat in GP surgery feeling guilty about being there for something that wasnt a 'serious problem' until my GP said it was and that i shouldnt be feeling like this and she was going to help me get better. She did, i had cognitive behavious therapy, saw a counsellor via work, and took anti-depressants for over 2 yrs. I am now free of all medication and feel much more stronger as a person to deal with anything bad that life has to throw at me.

Do you think you have depression? It is not always a case of just feeling 'sad', i experienced all sorts of emotions - anger, upset, no patience with anyone, confusion - couldnt decide on anything, laziness and lack of enthusiasm to do anything - even simpliest things like cooking somet to eat - i couldnt be bothered so didnt eat. This went on for months and got worse.

Speak to your GP, ask for help - life is to be lived to the max - and i am so glad i got help and am urging you to do the same (even if it is not depression they should be able to diagnose why you feel like this)

PM me anytime.

xx
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Postby messedup4eva » Tue Jul 22, 2008 2:12 pm

nope like u said always feel guilty about witching about my problems when my life is a good one.i mean I've been to the docs b4 and every time i get there i end up talking about something else and when he/she asks if theres anything else i say nope I'm fine. I just can't talk to people about anything i always feel stupid say oh I'm feeling sad, lonely or depressed today because my god who doesn't why the hell should my problems matter when most people have worse ones than i do
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Postby Beckie » Tue Jul 22, 2008 2:48 pm

If you find the words don't come out when you're talking to your GP have you tried confiding in a family member or friend? You know they care a lot about you; you said yourself you could never kill yourself because of the hurt it would cause them. You have no reason to feel guilty for complaining! If you're unhappy you have a right to try and fix it, other peoples problems are irrelevant.

Try to see yourself through other peoples eyes, and you might not judge yourself so harshly. You hate everything about yourself? I don't know you but i'm sure that anyone who does could tell you at least 5 things that are good about you! Nobody is perfect, and everyone see's what they hate about themselves a lot more clearly than they see other peoples flaws. You might feel alone, but its important that you remember that you're not; There are people who would want to help you feel good again if you told them how you feel, and besides from that there are loads of people out there who feel just as isolated as you do- theres no shame in saying that you feel unhappy.

Are you ever worried about anything in particular or is it like and underlying feeling you get? I think if you go to the doctors and just force yourself to share your problem instead of avoiding it you will be really glad you did it! Don't ever think you won't be taken seriously because you will; there are people who can help.

Also, something i was told when i was younger and i was a bit down; The more you think about a problem in your head, the worse it seems, when in reality its really not all that bad. To avoid negative thinking, you needs to make a little list of reasons to smile, and when you catch yourself thinking "i'm useless" or "i hate my life" etc you stop yourself right away and focus on the list of positive things. I know you're not a kid but i think it makes sense to everyone really!

<3
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Postby messedup4eva » Wed Jul 23, 2008 12:10 am

Thank u. I cant talk to my family. I know they love me but i feel like an outcast. I've tried talking to them b4 my mom is always to busy and i think she just thinks im moaning again and my bros just tell me 2 shut up. I have no real friends. The last friend i tried talking to told me everyone has problems and i just have to deal like everyone else. Which i know its true. I wasn't looking for her to fix my problems just take time to listen.

I'm sure that all i need is someone i could open up 2 and talk to but over the years and after trying so much and getting no where giving up and locking it away seems easier.

I made a friend a couple of years ago and trusted them with everything. Told them how i felt and always had some1 to talk to for a whole year i was happy never got this down. yea i had bad days but normal ones.

That friend turned out to b an ass and again i have no one. I know talking to some1 might b easy for most people but for me letting some1 in is just so hard and it aways goes wrong
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Postby messedup4eva » Wed Jul 23, 2008 12:13 am

Oh and as for the asking people whats good about me i tried that i was told im a negative person and very hard to get on with. They r my good points :D would hate to think what they would have said if i asked what my bad points were
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Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed Jul 23, 2008 10:39 am

You know, if you only want someone to talk to, just to get everything off your chest and lighten your load, then you are more than welcome to PM me about it if you want to?

You may find it easier talking to a total stranger than a friend as at the end of it you can walk away and think I can get on with my life rahter than telling a friend and having that friend there forever knowing all your troubles. I don't know, telling a friend may be a wise choice as they are always there to help you out.

Don't feel stupid of guilty about going to the doctors and telling them what the problem is; that is what they are there for. I recently went to the doctors for something as simple as a small recurring rash that I've had for years, - the reason I'd never been in the past is because its a minor rash...the problem is miniscule compared to other peoples problems. I guess you just need to realise that yes people always have bigger and worse issues than you, no matter how serious your problem there will always be someone worse off and you can't go on like that.
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Postby messedup4eva » Thu Jul 24, 2008 11:18 am

thanks to all that replied. I am going 2 try tell the doc. I hate feeling like this and i have for way to long already. Hopefully they can help.
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Postby Beckie » Thu Jul 24, 2008 4:11 pm

I'm sure they will ! At least you know for sure that if you tell your doctor you will definately be taken seriously and offered some support, maybe your family just don't understand that 'having problems like everyone else' and feeling depressed are two different things. They won't mean to make you feel worse, some people have just never come across real depression before. I know there are people in my family who think its just a big word for being in a bad mood, but your doc knows better!

good luck !

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