Sad about husbands illness

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Sad about husbands illness

Postby bunnikins » Mon Feb 23, 2009 5:13 pm

Hi - I really need a cheery word at the moment - My husband has been ill for the past 2 years with colitis and has been off work for the last 7 weeks - he is due in hospital on Wednesday for exploratory tests which will confirm whether he needs surgery to solve his problems as he is now classed as chronically ill.
For the past 5 months I have used all my holiday days attending hospital appointments with him, to no avail. Of course I have no problem dedicating my time to him in this way, but it is now feeling like there are still only bad times ahead and I have no real positive good news on the horizon.
It was his birthday on Friday 20th Feb, and I had planned a day at a spa, movie and meal out in the evening, which I was looking forward to just as much as he was - unfortunately he was taken ill on Thursday 19th evening and we only managed to go out for a coffee for half an hour on his birthday - everything else was cancelled.
I also got him a driving experience and weekend away for a couple of weeks time, and this took a lot of saving/organising. When he looked at the present, he was totally indifferent to the gift, and I have just put this down to the fact he was unwell that day, but I actaully feel like I wasted my time planning it all.
I feel old before my time - I am only 36, but never go anywhere and if I do plan a night out I get the silent treatment, as he thinks I should be home looking after him - I also thinks he resents me for being well enough to actually go out, as he is not. I have cancelled holidays, christmas parties and many other nights/days out to look after him, many of this cost me a lot of money which I lost. He never shows that he appreciates my sacrifices, and basically i wish I had a life with just a little fun, not one where I am constantly playing Florence Nightingale.
I know I sound like a complete cow, but when I try to talk to my friends and family, they do not understand and just divert the conversation onto what I consider to be insignificant chatter.
A big hug would be really nice right now! :(
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Re: Sad about husbands illness

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Feb 24, 2009 9:50 am

I can manage a big hug *hugs*

Have you sat down and explained your feelings to your husband? He may not realise his actions are upsetting you.

I also understand where he is coming from, he is too ill to go out and enjoy it, he gets upset because he can't go out and do his own thing, he's upset because he can't take you places, he feels guilty because you've cancelled things for him and he's impacting on you missing out on things - he's going to be upset at himself for all of these - however he needs to realise that you still need to go out and do things and enjoy yourself. Sit down with him and explain the whole situation to him.
A hug is a great gift, one size fits all.
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Re: Sad about husbands illness

Postby bunnikins » Tue Feb 24, 2009 10:20 am

Thank you so much O:)
I have spoken to him but I think he is depressed with the situation and self absorbed at the moment - he was really appreciative last night as I cooked a lovely dinner to make up for the meal we had to cancel for his birthday, and it was nice that he realised the effort I had made. I'm hoping that after his appointment on Wednesday at the hospital we will be given good news ( or at least some options) so we can begin being positive, and maybe this will give him a different view on things. I am meeting my friend on Friday for a coffee and my husband was all for it when I mentioned it to him last night, so I think he may be realising on his own (to some extent) that I need my own time too, and being a carer is very tiring for me.
Thank you again :)
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Re: Sad about husbands illness

Postby I_AM_LEGEND » Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:19 am

Hey there,

i know it probably wont help very much, but my Dad had colitis he had it for a little over 2 years and had exploritory surgery, because its an Auto-immune it ccan be tricky to diagnose and treat,

But... there is light for you and your husband, they can do surgery they move the bowls and the colon around not sure exactly what it does but my dad had the surgery and has been almost symptom free for about 3 years he still gets a little acid reflux now and again but no more than someone would get heartburn , i dont think its a curable illness but it can be sent into remmission with the surgery,

i hope this gives you peace of mind a little anyway x
You know what, there's a ton of lore on unicorns too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams, and that they shoot rainbows out of their ass!
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Re: Sad about husbands illness

Postby bunnikins » Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:26 am

Thank you for that - I'm glad your dad is well again - the appointment tomorrow is for the exploratory investigation, and we have had a possibility of surgery mentioned to us, but the hospital wouldn't provide any more information about it at the time (possibly so we wouldn't worry). At least now I have some reassurance that something can be done (although it sounds drastic), if he was feeling well again it would transform our lives - I'm just hoping one day we can look forward to planning holidays and meals out without the worry that he'll be ill again and we have to cancel them last minute. [-o<
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Re: Sad about husbands illness

Postby I_AM_LEGEND » Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:29 am

trust me the surgery isn't as drastic as it sound the scar on my dads belly was maybe 4 inches long and its all but gone now,
there is no cutting involved internally as far as i am aware, i could be wrong but he was is pretty much no pain after and 90% of his symptoms were gone within a day, the bowl problems took a few days to clear but within about a fortnight he was a new man xx
You know what, there's a ton of lore on unicorns too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams, and that they shoot rainbows out of their ass!
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Re: Sad about husbands illness

Postby bunnikins » Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:34 am

Thank you O:) I will research the surgery on the internet as he is also terrified they will remove parts of his bowel and he'll end up with a colostomy bag, and all sorts of things, which is scary even to me. I think the mention of possible surgery without any explanation sparks all sorts of negative thoughts, especially as he keeps being told how chronically ill he is. FIngers crossed all will go well - hopefully he won't need surgery at all and another solution will be found. I feel so much better reading your response - thanks again - it was better than a hug! :D
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Re: Sad about husbands illness

Postby I_AM_LEGEND » Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:39 am

your welcome,
drop me a message tomorrow let me know how it goes,
there are other methods such as super anti biotics etc, they suggest diet changing but i assume after 2 years you've probably exhausted most of that
give my best to your husband

good luck :)
You know what, there's a ton of lore on unicorns too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams, and that they shoot rainbows out of their ass!
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Re: Sad about husbands illness

Postby bunnikins » Thu Feb 26, 2009 10:27 am

Well we've had the appointment and we had mixed news, although I see it as good news from our point of view - The doctor thinks my husband actually has Crohns and not colitis now, but apparently there is a new drug for Crohns which has been very effective and may avoid the need for surgery. We need to wait for the results of some biopsies which were taken to confirm, but they have given him medication for Crohns in the mean time to see if this has any effect until the results are available, then we can go from there. If he doesn't respond, we will need to consider surgery, but it sounds as if the Crohns surgery is less extreme than for colitis, so this is the best we can hope for. I saw my husband smile for the first time in months yesterday and it felt such a relief to have some answers at last. Fingers crossed the medication works - I'll be planning a holiday soon hopefully! :)
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Re: Sad about husbands illness

Postby I_AM_LEGEND » Thu Feb 26, 2009 10:38 am

good good :)
hope all goes well x
You know what, there's a ton of lore on unicorns too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams, and that they shoot rainbows out of their ass!
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Re: Sad about husbands illness

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Thu Feb 26, 2009 10:43 am

That is good news for you both :)
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Re: Sad about husbands illness

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Feb 27, 2009 12:43 pm

my sister has just been diagnosed with crohns and alot of it is self help
making sure you stick to the diet and lifestyle they tell you to
also the drugs now really help
also a colleague of mine had the bowl op and it is only a partial removal in most cases nowadays so you rarely end up with a bag
things will get better now you know what it is it's about arming yourself with as much information as you can to help live the best life he can
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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Re: Sad about husbands illness

Postby bunnikins » Fri Feb 27, 2009 12:54 pm

Yes, we are more positive now - he has started a new drug which has been prescribed to him while he waits for the results, although it's too soon to tell whether it's working, he is optomistic, and with the stories we are now getting from people who have been through similar things, it is helping a lot. I have also encouraged him to join a local group to talk about how he's feeling, as he is very depressed - I'm not sure whether he will, but I hoped that by talking to people in a similar situation, he may not feel so much like he's suffering alone
Thank you to everyone for their thoughts : )
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