What a week!

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What a week!

Postby m_m » Fri Apr 24, 2009 9:37 am

I have removed this post due to identity issues, I hope that is not a problem x
Last edited by m_m on Wed Oct 07, 2009 12:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: What a week!

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Fri Apr 24, 2009 9:42 am

Firstly :grouphug:

Secondly, you need to make your boyfriend get a job - even if it means kicking him out for a bit. Why should he get a job because he lives somewhere rent free and does nothing for it? He's getting stuff bought for him - remind me why he needs a job? If he doesn't get off his ass the he'll never ever do anything and you'll be in the same cycle forever.

In regards to your job all you can do is look around and apply for other jobs - at least you have a job at the minute.
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Re: What a week!

Postby m_m » Fri Apr 24, 2009 9:54 am

I have removed this post due to identity issues, I hope that is not a problem x
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Re: What a week!

Postby rufio89 » Fri Apr 24, 2009 9:57 am

It's really hard getting a job at the moment, but if he keeps trying SOMETHING will come up. What kind of jobs is he applying for?

Sounds like not a nice living situation hun, is there no chance you could move out? even into like a shared house or something, that's quite cheap?
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Re: What a week!

Postby RagDoll » Fri Apr 24, 2009 10:02 am

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time, Manufacture_ Me. I can appreciate how it feels to drag yourself into work everyday, I do too. I'm not actively getting bullied, but our team is quite a b!tchy one, so in a sense, I daren't ever speak up about how appauling the whole thing is which is kind of subtly bullying. As Dipsy said, unfortunately all you can do is look for alternative employment :(

With regards to your boyfriend - what kind of jobs is he applying for? If he's applying for specific jobs, couldn't he expand his search/applications and apply for pretty much anything?! Even if he just got a job in a shop/pub or somewhere like that, at least he'd be earning some money and it's easier to get a job when you're already employed. I also agree that it's not unreasonable of your Mum to ask him to help out a bit since he's living under her roof without contributing a thing. It sounds like he's taking the mick a bit to be honest.
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Re: What a week!

Postby m_m » Fri Apr 24, 2009 10:05 am

I have removed this post due to identity issues, I hope that is not a problem x
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Re: What a week!

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Fri Apr 24, 2009 10:11 am

manufacture_me wrote: He still hasn't found a job and I have spoken to him about the fact that from our very first date to now (spanning 3 and a bit years)


manufacture_me wrote:Its been about 2 or 3 months since he was made redundant


Either I missed the point, or there was a typo there?
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Re: What a week!

Postby crumpetsandtea » Fri Apr 24, 2009 10:15 am

Oh manufacture_me, I feel for you its rubbish when about a million things happen at once! If they had happened one at a time it probably would have been easier to deal with. So probably the best course of action is to pick off your problems one by one.

1) Your job. This is not the best time to be job-seeking but re-write your CV and start looking around for other jobs. It will probably take a while, and there's no point in settling for any old thing, but keep your eyes open for something you might actually be interested in. You've not been happy in your job for a while so it would do you good to move on.

In the meantime, is there anyone at work you get on well with that you can confide in? They might be able to give you a perspective on the situation with your colleagues. They might just be plain mean, but at the same time office 'banter' can be really cruel. The more you let them get away with it, the more the boundaries get pushed and the worse it can get. I really feel for you with the fact that its your boss that gives you grief too, and that's not fair. My best friend was in the same situation too, and she eventually left and got a new job and is a lot happier now and especially now she gets on well with her new boss who actually VALUES the work she does and gives her praise!
Is there anyone higher up than your boss that you can talk to about the situation?

2) Your mum and sister. I can see why your mum thinks you are being rude when you come in and why she takes it as an insult. I'm assuming she doesn't know the extent of how much you hate your job or what is going on at work to make you so fed up when you get in, so of course she's going to take it personally. When you get in from work, say 'hello' and be civil but have a cup of tea go upstairs and have a bit of time to yourself and then go and speak to your mum when you've calmed down a bit. I'm exactly the same, if I've had a bad day, the last thing I want is to be hassled when I get in, so i'll go and have a bath or chill out for a bit and then come down and talk to everyone.
Talk to your mum about what has been going on at work, it might help her understand why you have perhaps come across like you don't want to talk to her.
I sympathise completely with you over your sister, because my little brother is the same! Honestly, the best thing to do is rise above it. Don't give her ammunition. Its easier said than done but it'll make your life a lot easier!

3) Your boyfriend. I'm quite good friends with my best friends brother, and he sounds exactly the same as your boyfriend with the constant badgering and worrying, and its incredibly draining (and I only have to deal with it every now and again!), especially when you are having a rubbish time of it yourself.

You need to sit down with your boyfriend and tell him exactly how you feel because from what I can see he's taking you and your family for a ride. Its not fair that you should work full time to compensate for the fact that he doesn't want to. Its YOUR money! You're the one who slogs away at work everyday, and if you want to save for a deposit or buy yourself a car then you should be able to. You should be in a really good financial position living at home and working, so you should take advantage of it and start saving.
If he is living in your home, and not paying rent, he should at least have the decency to help out with the housework, and again I can see why it annoys her and why she is rude to him, because I'd get pretty ticked off too if he was living in my house, making no effort to get a job and spending my daughters money.

It sounds like with your boyfriend its take-take-take, and he only thinks about himself and his own worries and doesn't stop to think about yours, and you need to have serious words with him. I know at the moment its difficult to get a job, but its sounds like its been going on for a while and that shouldn't be an excuse. Its hard to get a job, but not impossible.


manufacture_me wrote:All of this plus the fact that this week I have:
* tried on some new clothes yesterday (and they didn't fit)
* my shoes have broken
* I have banged my head and gotten a big bruise
* I spilt coke on myself and had to sit there in wet clothes all day
* I have worked really hard at work for no reason
* A packet of fruit I had in my bag split open this morning and I didn't have time to change bags, all my stuff is ruined


I sympathise with you, I broke some shoes this week too :( I put them in the washing machine and the corsage bit on the front disintergrated. My own fault but I was gutted. Its the worst when shoes break!

Cheer up, start next week a fresh and start tackling those issues one by one.
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Re: What a week!

Postby rufio89 » Fri Apr 24, 2009 10:16 am

I think you misunderstood dipsy, I did when I first read it:
I have spoken to him about the fact that from our very first date to now (spanning 3 and a bit years) I have always been the one to pay for everything,
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Re: What a week!

Postby mattmxl » Fri Apr 24, 2009 10:24 am

sausage hell, and I thought I had a bad day yesterday. I understand this might be easier said than done but you have to try and not let your sister get to you. My brother is exactly the same and after a while the things he does and the tricks he pulls just go straight over my head now and I don't concern myself about them. I appreciate that having everybody giving you their problems when you have enough of your own is bad, especially when it appears you have nowhere to turn to get the stresses you have off your shoulders. The only thing I can really suggest that you put yourself first and foremost for a while, develop a bit of slefishness. Don't finght with people, don't even entertain their suggestions, just do your own thing and re-empoeer yourself where it is practical to do so. I tried it a while back and I've never regretted the decision, even if it has cost me one or two friends in the process, a loss worth taking for the restoration of your own happiness.
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Re: What a week!

Postby m_m » Fri Apr 24, 2009 10:29 am

I have removed this post due to identity issues, I hope that is not a problem x
Last edited by m_m on Wed Oct 07, 2009 12:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: What a week!

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Fri Apr 24, 2009 10:35 am

manufacture_me wrote:mattmxl - I realise this may sound like a silly question but what sort of things did you do to 'put yourself first'? I think I need a few suggestions


I think he means, instead of saying to your bf "I'll buy you XX" you say "sorry I can't afford to I want to buy myself XX or I want to start saving £50 a month". If people at work are saying stuff, ignore them, get on with your job and think of yourself.

Has your bf tried applying for supermarkets or pubs?
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Re: What a week!

Postby m_m » Fri Apr 24, 2009 10:40 am

I have removed this post due to identity issues, I hope that is not a problem x
Last edited by m_m on Wed Oct 07, 2009 12:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: What a week!

Postby crumpetsandtea » Fri Apr 24, 2009 10:47 am

As much as your mum wants you to stay in a certain field, its your life and you've got to do what you are happy doing. Do you hate the field because of how people treat you at work? Or do you just genuinely hate it? I'm just thinking maybe if you found a similar job in the same sort of area it might be a good compromise with your mum, and you might find you enjoy it in a nicer atmosphere?

Well I think your boyfriend needs to have a serious look at his CV. He needs to tailor each one to the job he's applying for, employers can tell when you've just printed off about 50 and sent them anywhere. A second opinion on his CV might do the world of good and refresh it a bit. It can be the smallest things like spelling mistakes or bad grammar that put employers off. He also needs to make sure he's not being picky, even if its not the field he wants to work in, it'll be a stopgap.

Don't beat yourself up about money, its spent now and there's nothing you can do. Go through your bank statements, see what your outgoings are and where you can make savings. Little things like making your own packed lunch for work can make a massive difference. Go into your bank, tell them you want to save for a deposit and ask to speak to someone about savings and how to reduce your overdraft, they might come up with some great ideas and they will be able to see where your money is going.
Set yourself a budget for the week and withdraw the cash for the day in one go and don't take your card out. That way, if you spend your days allowance, you can't overspend.
I am really a bit short on cash at the minute so me and my boyfriend have been doing the orange wednesdays cinema deal for the past few weeks, and they also do a deal with pizza express where its 2 for 1 on meals so we've also been doing that, and me and my friends have had nights in cooking together instead of going to the pub (we've got a sewing night coming up, we're going accessorise clothes haha!), so i've kept myself busy without blowing all my money! Even if you're not on orange, get a friend that does to send you the orange code.

Another good thing to do is open a savings account and have a standing order for a set amount of money every month to go into your savings on pay day, so you don't get a chance to spend it.
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Re: What a week!

Postby RagDoll » Fri Apr 24, 2009 10:50 am

He sounds a little lazy though - there's no excuse to get 'stuck' in retail or whatever! All he has to do is take on pretty much any old job, but keep applying for ones he really wants to do e.g. the office work. Personally, I wouldn't give him long before I started saying he should be applying for any job as welll as office work, especially given the current climate - it could be ages before he finds one that's really suitable if he's being quite specific. When I graduated from uni I found it difficult to get a job (I didn't do a vocational degree) so I worked in a call centre for a while and kept applying for jobs I REALLY wanted to do and I got there eventually.
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