I'm upset, stressed and need cheering up

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I'm upset, stressed and need cheering up

Postby everloney » Wed Aug 26, 2009 11:36 pm

Hey guys,

So im sick of being the foreigner i know nothing and keep getting messed around because of it. So i relocated from the UK to the USA, california. California's nice, its sunny n stuff. I'm so annoyed today though, my friend got a car from her friend and let me borrow it. I sorted insurance etc out and booked my driving test (have to get a CA license to drive here). Get there and they ask for my registration for the car, i don't have it, i don't even know what it is. We can't find it and so call the girl up and shes like, oh sorry i packed it. The DMV (driving people) look up the car and its not been registered in 3 years, so i can't take my test or drive the car. I can't get a refund on my insurance either, im so annoyed by the whole thing. So im stuck with this car, until my friend comes to get it.

Secondly, work is not working... nothing i do works and my boss is annoyed about it and keeps making jokes about sending me back to the UK to make space for other people.

Thirdly, my housemate i'm meant to be moving in with in sept does not return my calls or reply to my messages and its stressing me, because we need to arrange me moving in!!

And fourthly im still upset about the guy i was seeing that was seeing other people (see other post). Its been a month and heard nothing from him after telling him it was over, shockingly right? I know he never cared, used me and i should just forget him. I mean im trying and i havn't tryed to contact him. I know its over and i wouldn't get back with him but i miss him and im sad about it still. I feel this happens to me alot with men, they get to know me and then get bored. People seem to fancy me, but maybe im not marriage material. I so desperately want to be happy and fine on my own but i want a family of my own. I grew up with loving parents and so cant just go out and get pregnant. I figure i want to start before im 35 and that gives me only 10 years to find the right guy. I haven't found him yet and haven't had a serious relationship for 4 years.

and finally i miss my family and friends so much :(

Ok now cheer me up please :)
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Re: I'm upset, stressed and need cheering up

Postby captainf » Wed Aug 26, 2009 11:54 pm

Sorry to hear about the situation with the car and the registration. That sounds abit weird. I dont know what to say about that. :(

Regarding work - Isnt that the concept of being a scientist though? To try out different experiments? I can only imagine that 9 out of 10 must go wrong anyway and thats how you guys manage to learn and make so many new finds and conclusions? Dont be too down about things not going right there, you will come good in the end. What exactly is it that you get wrong?

Regarding the house mate - Can you move in with someone different as the 'house mate to be' sounds unrealiable?

Regarding the guy you was with - you already know my advice about him and thats just to take sometime to yourself and let him go. Hes no good for you and when you're over him and with someone nice you will wonder why you spent so long upset over him as hes not worth it, trust me. Dont worry about not having found the one yet, im 25 and single too and so are alot of other 25yr olds. Its important to pick your next partner with good judgement. Dont get sucked in too quickly. Take your time.
Remember how the runway lights looked one night long ago when you were lost and found your way, and how-you still dont know?
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Re: I'm upset, stressed and need cheering up

Postby everloney » Thu Aug 27, 2009 12:59 am

ahhh i have already paid the deposit on the new place so i think im stuck there. I would lose $750 otherwise and i can't afford it. Hopefully i can get things to work out by going to the letting agent.

As for work, you're right CF, things often don't work in the land of science, you just have to keep on trying till we get there. Just wish something would start working so i can get on the good side of my boss.

The car thing, im just going to try and get my own and avoid anymore drama.

I know you're right about that guy, and i know hes no good for me, i just wish my feelings would stop betraying me.... hopefully soon and i wish i would stop reminding myself of all the other nasty men before him. I keep thinking thats maybe all i deserve or am worthly of, seeing as its only bad men i get...
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Re: I'm upset, stressed and need cheering up

Postby captainf » Thu Aug 27, 2009 2:00 am

Hmm yes I understand, but cant you get a different flat mate?

Ah dont worry, all the greats like Einstein and Hawkin probably got loads of things wrong before figuring it out correctly. It just takes time and effort and once you're on a roll you'll come through. The thing with science is that you explore unchartered territory and therefore a result of useful nature is never actually guranteed and thats the whole point of what you do - you might find that one test fails in what you want it to do, but may well give you an answer for something completely different. Thats what makes being a scientist so cool - you just dont know what will happen and thats exciting. Are you allowed to ask your boss for help or advice?

Good luck with buying your own car. :)

Your feelings are just hurt and its important to remember you're longing for what he was pretending to give you - thats what you miss. So basically you know what you want in a boyfriend but its all down to finding someone with those qualities for real. You can and will find him but first you must learn not to put too much pressure on yourself. As I said before, just have abit more judgement about you when getting involved with someone new - look for compatibility, consistency (does their ideas, moods or general outlook change regularly - if yes, then they're no good) whether they are loving, compassionate and loyal. When you like someone dont get with them straight away, get to know them, ask questions etc learn more about them and then once you're pretty certain they are good boyfriend material tell them you like them.
Remember how the runway lights looked one night long ago when you were lost and found your way, and how-you still dont know?
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Re: I'm upset, stressed and need cheering up

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Thu Aug 27, 2009 9:37 am

Ok I don't know what area of science you are in, but I always preferred it not to work out...because then I had stuff to talk about, and how to make it better etc.

Think about Einstein, he wasn't clever enough to get into college at the time; he died 1905 and he's still one of the most famous scientists of all time.

Marie Curie tested with loads of radioactive stuff; her experiments worked, unfortunately she used to carry the radioactive material around with her and she died from cancer from the radiation. She's majorly famous.

I am sure Einstein and Marie Curie didn't one day think I'll discover something and they did straight away; we don't hear about all the experiments that went wrong because it lead them to where they are now.
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Re: I'm upset, stressed and need cheering up

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Aug 27, 2009 9:50 am

Oh your job I agree with captainf can you ask for help or futher training if that would help at all. Or are any of your colleagues able to help you at all.

The car thing is annoying can you freeze the insurance and use it another time, I know that is possible in the uk.

As for the guy again I agree with captainf you are missing the lose of the fantasy not the reality of who he really was. I mean he was not worth missing.

You say this happens alot, do you give yourself quickly to a guy i.e sleep with them? I think you should always make a guy work hard for it. Make him date you and treat you right before having sex. Sometimes guys are happy to sleep with you but then don't want you as a g/f. If you make them wait and they won't at least you find out qucikly and before commiting yourself that they aren't worth it. It doesn't seem such a lose when a guy walks away and you haven't got to the stage of sleeping together. Try and be friends before too if you can.
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Re: I'm upset, stressed and need cheering up

Postby everloney » Thu Aug 27, 2009 4:34 pm

I think i have in some cases slept with men too quickly and is something i don't plan to do anymore, it wasn't doing me any favors. I just wish i was better with rejection. I wish i could except it better. Sometimes i get rejected after the first date, this is normally mutual. Some people would say oh we are too different, but they don't know me after 5 mins so they just didn't feel the feeling. Its happened to me too, when i was alittle younger, i rejected as much as i was rejected. I was young and having fun i guess, but now i don't want to play that game anymore, but it seems i have no choice. I used to think i was being punished, before i started my PhD i had a boyfriend, he was going to move to portsmouth to be with me. I ended it, because the thought of living with him made me realise i didnt love him and he couldn't give me what i needed. Since him there has been no1 serious, i just haven't found anyone that likes me and i like that wants to have a relationship with me. I think its worse maybe for me at the mo because im in a foreign country with no family. I want to be relaxed about it, not be eyeing every guy i see to see if he could be potential.... i think people can smell my desperation. I don't know how i can change so that i'm ok with being alone even if its forever, only then do i think i'll potentially meet the right guy and if it didnt happen i wouldn't care. I think my need to be loved attracts the abusive users. I have alot of stories about my experiences, and thats not good either.

I've started to watch sex and the city, i never used to like it because i didn't want to be one of them, but now i like it because i guess i feel i can relate.

As for my lab work, you guys are right, i just have to keep on keeping on. You only fail when you stop trying :).
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Re: I'm upset, stressed and need cheering up

Postby captainf » Thu Aug 27, 2009 9:07 pm

I think you nailed it - every guy you meet you eye up to see if he fits the boyfriend bill. Thats the wrong way to go about it. Make friends, see who you click with. I have some friends that I talk to every day, I have some friends I talk to maybe once every few weeks or months. Eventually though there will be someone you just click with and thats the special person you should go out with. I think that everyone seems to have this idea that being with someone is important when the reality is that its only important to be with the right person, not just any guy.

Take some time out, be yourself and enjoy making new friends and relationships will come from that.
Remember how the runway lights looked one night long ago when you were lost and found your way, and how-you still dont know?
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Re: I'm upset, stressed and need cheering up

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Aug 28, 2009 10:35 am

I agree with captainf try to just concentrate on making friends. Commit to yourself to do it for 6 months, it's not a long time in the great scheme of things and I bet it will totally make you realise you don't need anyone to make you happy and you will end up finding someone because you're not trying so hard.
You understand the problem very well so i think thats really important too. The first step is accepting what you need to do then actually doing it
And you can still check guys out just not with a view to what kind of partner they would make :wink:
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