Feeling really low

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Feeling really low

Post by spacegirl » Sat Apr 03, 2010 7:13 pm

Hi i'm sorry this isso longbut i'm feeling really low at the minute, I've been feeling like this the past few months and it just seems to get worse.

I'm 25 and working in a good job, however my contract ends in a few months and it's unlikely to be renewed, so I'm trying to find something else, and everything I apply for a get a letter back saying due to a high demand I haven't been offered an interview. These are jobs that I am more than qualified for, and that I would have no trouble doing, but in seeing the jobmarket, I get the impression that a lot of the jobs that are advertised seem to already be assigned for someone internally, and they have to advertise for equality reasons. I don't know if that's true but in my company (I work for a public sector organisation) this is definitely the case. My line manager desn't want my contract to end, and in an attempt to persuade the directors to extend my contract, he is giving me loads of work, in order to justify my staying there. I'm on one of the lower grades of the civil service (EO), and my job description is mostly administrative support, with some responsibility. Now I'm not afraid of responsibility, in fact I love it, however on top of the work that is outlined in my job description I have been given full responsibility for the success of our new website (maintaining it, updating it, keeping up and researching social networking, meeting targets for visitors and visitor loyalty etc.), 3 major research projects with a budget of £20,000 each, designing and implementing 4 training courses for our trade partners, designing and producing 2 brochures... basically all of this is ON TOP of the full time work that I have to do in my job description, and I have no support. I feel I can't turn down the work as it's a condition for me possibly being able to stay working there... and this isn't even guaranteed. I've seen other people find out 2 days before their contract ends that their contract won't be renewed and that they'd be leaving on Friday. I've asked for notice but he said he can't guarantee this. If they DO manage to get my job extended, I have to interview for my own job, and I'm so afraid that someone slightly more qualified than me will come along and get the job!!
I know my boss is trying to do me a favour in lobbying for my job, but i also get the impression that he's giving me the work that he couldn't be bothered doing himself! It seems like the worry about my job is taking over my life and i can think of little else.
I can't afford to be unemployed at all, because living in paris on a work placement salary for a year has got me into so much debt and I'm trying my hardest to pay it off, I never have any money.

I've somehow managed in the past while to drift away from all of my close friends, and I very rarely go out any more. My friends don't even really ask me to go out with them any more because I always say no and if i do go out i end up going home early. When I'm with my friends all i do is moan about work or money... I know i'm boring people but it just consumes me. That's why they don't want to be round me. I keep getting sick whereas before I was NEVER sick! For example last weekend I was supposed to go out for the first time in ages, and at 9.30, while i was waiting on my friend, I suddenly started being violently ill and had to stay in and go to bed. the next day I felt fine. I keep getting flu-like symptoms and bad headaches and I'm always tired even if i've had a good night's sleep (which is rare because i've been having awful nightmares). I've lost my appetite completely and have lost lots of weight, and none of my clothes fit me any more, I just feel so ugly.

I found out a few weeks ago as well that the guy I was seeing while I was living in france last year (it was long distance) had a girlfriend the whole time I was away. in fact i found out when I was chatting to a friend who said "Oh I bumped into *** on Friday night, he was celebrating his 1 year anniversary with his girlfriend" (This guy didn't know that *** and I were together). That really hurt, I had no idea he would do something like that on me, and it just shows how little he cared about me because he should have known I'd find out (we have a lot of mutual friends, and i'm best friends with his sister). I was seeing a guy for a few months recently and all I did was find faults with him and pick fights, I then broke up with him without even trying to give things a chance. I'm so fed up being on my own and when I'm with someone I find it hard to get close to them. The guys i've been close to have ended up hurting me.

I'm sorry this is so long but i feel in such a rut and I just can't imagine how i'm going to get out of it, i guess i just feel so lonely and i'm not normally like this I don't know what to do :( I've considered ditching everything and moving away somewhere to start afresh, but i've done that a few times before and it doesn't work out that easy.
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Re: Feeling really low

Post by captainf » Sat Apr 03, 2010 10:09 pm


Sorry to hear you havent been doing too well lately. I noticed you've been quiet lately, I guess this is why.

First of all I think you've done brilliantly in having a job during a time when lots of people are losing theirs or cant get one. I do think that alot of companies have exploited this though to make their employees work harder. I dont think your boss has exploited you though, it seems like hes trying to demonstrate that you are a very hard and dedicated worker. However this is a team effort and therefore as you are finding the work abit too heavy going (as its extra work) I think you should tell your boss its abit more than you can cope with. Its only temporary though just to show you are an asset to the company, but at the same time, you being over run with work could go against you (if you fail to meet deadlines) which is why you and your boss need to meet half way.
Also if you do have to be interviewed again for your job, dont worry, I think that their minds will be pretty made up that the position is yours but for legal reasons will have to put on an act and interview people.
All you can really do is continue to apply to places and hope something comes of it. Additionally, I did notice you mention applying elsewhere - currently, considering you have no luck locally then its always worth a try applying further afield if you feel comfortable moving again. As you seem to desperately need a job just apply to anything and everything you can.

I think that with your workload recently its quite natural to of drifted from friends. I can imagine by the weekend you're probably too tired to go out to clubs and bars etc. However, I think that other factors may come into it too - have any of your friends recently got partners? Sometimes thats another reason why you might not see friends as much too. Its a part of life I think. Having said that, going back to my previous point of you being exhausted after a week of work, why not just invite friends over for a drink or a dvd night? You dont have to go to clubs to have a good time and sometimes it can be nice to stay in and watch some films you havent seen for ages.

Regarding to being ill, that could be stress coming out and the only way to really get over that is to try and relax abit. Dont forget to have some 'me' time. Jobs are important but dont let it consume your whole life because no one is born just to run the economy (despite what the govt think) Also try to get into a good routine again regarding to eating. You're likely to have lost weight through stress but if you try to get some routine with eating you should be able to put weight back on. Just for the record there is no way you're ugly.

Sorry to hear that your ex cheated on you aswell, he obviously didnt have much respect for you when you were going out but dont worry so much about this. You can and will do alot better.
Regarding the guy you was seeing recently, I seem to recall us talking about him and I think my advice was if you didnt feel compatible with him then you're probably doing the right thing in finishing things with him. I stand by what I said - if you dont feel a spark and you dont feel compatible then there isnt much of a foundation to develop anything. However, one thing I did pick up on was when you mentioned that he wasnt one for going out. I dont think that should be much of an issue. I say this because, for example, if you wanted to go clubbing and he didnt then thats fine - you could go with friends and then he can have an evening to himself, so long as you are faithful then theres no problem. This is pretty much what I would do if I had a girlfriend, afterall time apart is fine and you can do other things together.
Regarding to getting close to people, I understand your concern and sometimes I have this difficulty too. I think that sometimes its better to sit back, get to know someone as a friend first and see where it goes. Sometimes you have to remember that past experiences are just past experiences and dont mean everyone is like that. There are some truely nice and compatible people around and eventually one will catch your attention.
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Re: Feeling really low

Post by Bel Bel » Tue Apr 06, 2010 2:40 pm

Hi Spacegirl

I'm sorry your feeling so low

I agree with most of Captainf's points, get your friends round for a night in (and have a word with yourself before they arrive and make an effort not to talk about work or money with them)

You can't possibly know how things are going to turn out so worrying won't change anything - it's futile. remind yourself that everytime you think about it. My daughter had cognitive Behaviour Therapy and was told to have a set time of day for worrying. If you start to worry out of that set time you haver to push it to the back of your mind until the set time. At set time most of the things that were worrying had been forgoten or she realised they were not worth worrying about after all. It's worth a try.

As you only have a few months i think it is worth sticking things out but agree you should keep applying for other stuff. Do you tailor your CV to eac individaul job or just send the same one out for every job? Something to think about. A few little tweeks can often make a difference. Also have you haD your CV checked by anyone to see if there is anything you can change or improve on?

I also agree with "Me" time. Big long baths, find a friend and do massages on each other, walks in teh fresh air (might also help the appetite). If your not eating then it's not surprising you are not healthy or that you are tired all the time.
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