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Recently

PostPosted: Tue May 04, 2010 10:51 pm
by Scott Summers
I've been forced to take a few weeks off work, 3-4 to be exact.

I'm one week in and I'm starting to feel like the most lonliest person on the planet.

When I'm at work, while I wouldn't say I'm snided by people, there are a few that seem to come round for a chat or at least to say hi. So here's me thinking that people actually do come into where I work to see me and not just to keep warm. But in this last week, there has only been 2 people getting in contact to see how I am.

I mean I have a friends list that stretches to 500 on Facebook and on my phone I have like 200 contacts, 93% of which I do see on a regular basis, ergo friends or so I thought. So I guess I'm just feeling undervalued and slightly unwanted.

Re: Recently

PostPosted: Wed May 05, 2010 11:56 am
by ILoveChristmas
Hi Scott,

Do all these 500 people know that you're off work and feeling down? Moreover, do the people that normally come and see you know you're not simply on holiday?

I suppose you also have to consider whether the people you work with really are 'friends' or whether they're workmates. For example, I work with a great bunch of guys, we have a laugh and joke and chat about each other's lives, but I know none of them would text or call me if I was off work, because they're not directly involved in that side of my life. They maintain the separation between work and home. Maybe that's exactly what your workmates are doing.

Why not spend an hour sending a few messages to some of your close friends, whether that's on Facebook or a text message. Let them know you could do with some company. I'm sure the ones you're genuinely close to will respond.

You have to adjust your expectations of a response based not on the number of 'friends' you have, but rather based on the number of people you're properly close to. Remember that not all your 200 phone contacts know you're off work (I assume). It's a sad but true reality that people's lives are so busy that you often have to ask for help before people realise you need it.

Re: Recently

PostPosted: Wed May 05, 2010 12:48 pm
by Scott Summers
Thing is though that none of them are my workmates. I work in a family business.

I do know what you're saying though. But these so-called mates of mine are always checking up on their other mates and only checking in with me when they need something doing for them or they need a favour, do ya see where I'm coming from?

Re: Recently

PostPosted: Wed May 05, 2010 4:32 pm
by Bel Bel
Yes I do see but sometimes you have to ask for what you want
People get wrapped up in their own lives and sometimes if they see you as someone who is a helper then they probably have this belief your always ok and don't need looking out for
I too am in a family business and also suffer from people coming to me for help in the family and never me going to them
We create our own problem to some degree by always being there for everyone else.

Re: Recently

PostPosted: Wed May 05, 2010 4:47 pm
by Scott Summers
So, are ya sayin that I should make myself "Unavailable" sometimes?

Re: Recently

PostPosted: Thu May 06, 2010 9:43 am
by Bel Bel
No I meant ask people to go out etc don't just wait around hoping they will ask you
You could be less available but if you are a worrywort (as you suggested in your other post) and you like helping people it will probably just make you feel bad being less available

Re: Recently

PostPosted: Mon May 10, 2010 1:58 pm
by Scott Summers
Can you believe this? One of my so-called friends, even though he knows I'm skint and off work still asks to borrow money off me and when I say that I can't he flips on me and calls me a liar?!? ](*,)

This time off work has helped me figure out who are worth bothering with though. in relation to my other post, I hope I don't lose any of these friends when and if I do decide to do the deed.

Re: Recently

PostPosted: Tue May 11, 2010 1:26 pm
by Bel Bel
Well you are spot on that this is not the kind of friend you want.
I think as far as telling people you're gay it will be much the same, they are not worthy friends if they can't accept you for who you are. However I think I read that you think some of your friends have probably already guessed so I doubt it will be much of a surprise anway.
You also don't have to go around and make a point to tell everyone , only mention it if it comes up in conversation or you are directly asked

Re: Recently

PostPosted: Tue May 11, 2010 11:14 pm
by Scott Summers
Yup, I've got a good idea of who suspects as well, thankfully they're all in the 'closer than just friends' category. Now I've just got to get over myself.