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Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2014 11:39 am
by m_m
Hi all,

Not sure where to start really, and not sure that anyone can say much I haven't heard already but feeling down and I think everyone I know is fed-up of hearing it!

My ex-boyfriend dumped me just over 2 months ago. We'd been together for almost 9 years and had lived together (with my parents) for 5-6 years. It was a week before my birthday and came out of the blue for me. We're both 25.

After messing me around for a week or so, he said he was thinking about his decision, he then told me he didn't love me or fancy me anymore and hadn't for a while.

We haven't spoken or seen eachother in over a month. We were speaking but he was getting increasingly snappy with me and then stopped replying so I stopped trying.

I've since found out he has been with a girl I know of (she's been hanging around the whole 9 years we were together) for a month already and announced it on Facebook the same day he unfriended me and my family. They were together the last time I spoke to him and he didn't tell me.

I checked his email about a week prior to us stopping talking and found he'd bought £100 tickets for them to go see a comedian we saw on one of our first dates. He also made an eBay account to buy a job lot of condoms. This was totally out of character for him.

I just feel absolutely devestated if I'm honest.


Re: Dumped

Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2014 11:44 am
by Bel Bel
Think about the fact you were together 9 yea, it's been a week for each year you were together. That's all the time you have had to grieve.
Add to that you have now only recently discovered there was deceit there too. I think you are still at the early stages of grieving and rightly so.
Give yourself time. Try to do things to distract yourself and don't dwell on good times think about stuff that annoyed you about your partner instead.
if you feel bad and need to offload just write it down on paper and then throw it away. It gets it out.

Re: Dumped

Posted: Wed Nov 05, 2014 10:54 pm
by m_m
Thanks for your reply Bel Bel.

I do forget it hasn't actually been long considering the length of time we were together.

I find it hard to not think about the good times. I felt like we had a really good relationship, which is what made it so out of the blue and so difficult to understand.

I missed him so much at first, I still do, and would have done anything for him to come back but since I have found out he has moved on to this girl, the fact that it is her in particular, and that he moved on so quickly... I feel myself getting really angry these days. I try and move on from it but I always come back to it.

Re: Dumped

Posted: Thu Nov 06, 2014 10:32 am
by Bel Bel
You need to stop focusing on the good. At the end he was being devious about this other woman.
He isn't this great guy you are remembering him as. Maybe he was once but not at the end.
I think writing a list of the things you didn't like might be more helpful in helping you move on.

Re: Dumped

Posted: Fri Nov 07, 2014 9:25 am
by rufio89
I agree with BelBel

and stop beating yourself up for not feeling better yet! You were together a long time, your entire adult life (and more!) - it's going to take time to rebuild your life without him. It must have been a huge, horrible shock for you. Just let yourself grieve, it sucks but you cant rush through it unfortunately. :hugs: