The worst jokes on the planet

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Postby brfc » Sat Oct 11, 2008 9:07 am

a bloke i know was made reduntant the other day. he used to be a bank robber :D
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Re: The worst jokes on the planet

Postby Weasley » Wed Dec 10, 2008 1:17 pm

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
xxx :)
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Re: The worst jokes on the planet

Postby HappyGoLucky » Mon Dec 15, 2008 11:22 am

Nice one, Weasley! :lol:

I just came across two of these:

What do pigs put on cuts?
...Oinkment.

What's the best time to go to the dentist?
At TOOTHHURTY.

:wink:
Life is like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're gonna get!
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Re: The worst jokes on the planet

Postby Aligator » Wed Dec 24, 2008 11:46 am

HappyGoLucky wrote:What's the best time to go to the dentist?
At TOOTHHURTY.


lolz good 1

Know what would have happened if it had been the 3 wise women instead of the 3 wise men?
They would have asked 4 directions,
Arrived on time,
Helped deliver the baby,
Cleaned the stable,
Made a casserole,
Brought practical gifts
And there would be peace on earth
R U OK?
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Re: The worst jokes on the planet

Postby reckoner » Mon Jan 05, 2009 10:17 pm

Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two. The trouble is getting them in there.
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Re: The worst jokes on the planet

Postby reckoner » Mon Jan 05, 2009 10:19 pm

Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot

Q: What's brown and sounds like a bell?
A: Dungggg

*gets coat*
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Re: The worst jokes on the planet

Postby smallville » Thu Jan 08, 2009 3:27 pm

What kind of bees produce milk..........

boobies.
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Re: The worst jokes on the planet

Postby Pigglet » Wed Jan 14, 2009 10:17 pm

Just looked on here for a quick cheer me up! And I got more than I bargined for! Read through all the pages and have been in hysterics and annoying my house mate by telling her them all! :lol: :P :lol:

I'm gunna have to have a go!

Batman came up to me and he hit me over the head with a vase and he went T'PAU!
I said "Don't you mean KAPOW??
He said "No, I've got china in my hand."

:bounce: x
Just remember, nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. :D x
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Re: The worst jokes on the planet

Postby snail » Thu Jan 15, 2009 6:27 pm

Errmm, I'm too young to understand that joke, Pigglet - honestly! :wink: Good old T'Pau, eh?
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Re: The worst jokes on the planet

Postby reckoner » Thu Jan 15, 2009 6:47 pm

I reckon Carol Decker is one chick you wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of 8-[

I just bought a book by some Russian guy (Death and the Penguin) solely on the strength of this at the beginning:

A Militia major is driving along when he sees a militiaman standing with a penguin.
"Take him to the zoo," he orders.
Some time later, the same major is driving along when he sees the same militiaman still with the penguin.
"What have you been doing?" he asks. "I said take him to the zoo."
"We've been to the zoo, Comrade Major," says the militiaman, "and the circus. And now we're going to the pictures."

I turned a few heads in Waterstones when I read that :oops:
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Re: The worst jokes on the planet

Postby Pigglet » Thu Jan 15, 2009 10:55 pm

I can see me getting addicted to this!!! :roll:

How do you get a Kleenex to dance?
.
.
.
Put a little Boogie in it!!


Why did the one handed man cross the road??
.
.
.
cause the second hand shop was across the street

Hee hee heeeee :lol:

Okay okay, I'm going!!!! :P x
Just remember, nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. :D x
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Re: The worst jokes on the planet

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Fri Jan 16, 2009 11:39 am

reckoner wrote:A Militia major is driving along when he sees a militiaman standing with a penguin.
"Take him to the zoo," he orders.
Some time later, the same major is driving along when he sees the same militiaman still with the penguin.
"What have you been doing?" he asks. "I said take him to the zoo."
"We've been to the zoo, Comrade Major," says the militiaman, "and the circus. And now we're going to the pictures."


My dad has been telling me this joke ever since I can remember lol.
A hug is a great gift, one size fits all.
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Re: The worst jokes on the planet

Postby Pigglet » Tue Jan 20, 2009 9:58 pm

What do you call a deer with no eyes?.......

No Idea (eye deer) ha :)


What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?.......

Still no idea! Ha ha :lol:

I know the third bit as well but don't want to get kicked off PP! x
Just remember, nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. :D x
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Re: The worst jokes on the planet

Postby sallysnail3 » Thu Jan 22, 2009 1:09 am

okay i have a couple of very unfunny jokes...

why did the turkey cross the road?
because he wasn't chicken! :lol:

also this one which never fails to make me chuckle altho no1 else finds it funny..

why did frosty the snowman pull down his trousers?
because he heard the snowblower coming..

har har

xxx
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Re: The worst jokes on the planet

Postby kerrie24 » Thu Jan 22, 2009 9:07 am

my dad loves these stupid jokes!
heres a one for you:
what do you call a fish with no eyes?
.... a FSH!
hehehehe :lol: :lol: posting.php?mode=reply&f=13&t=9553&sid=6c768989da6efefa7b52c6f76f6b2730#
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