The worst jokes on the planet

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Postby Brighter » Mon Nov 06, 2006 10:01 pm

OOOHHH I SEE (about the suggs thing)

mmm, thats a bad one...

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Postby PurePurple » Mon Nov 06, 2006 10:32 pm

Moose wrote:Nooooooooo!

Suggs is the name of the lead singer of 80s band Madness. So, what's the first sign of madness? Suggs walking up your drive! :P


Well im not an 80's person Moose! :P :oops:
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Postby peecee » Mon Nov 06, 2006 10:39 pm

xxPurplexx wrote:Well im not an 80's person Moose! :P :oops:


haha, well I am, and I think Moose's joke is in the right thread... :wink: :(



btw, Moose, did your granny sing you Madness songs in the cradle, like mine did...? :^o :P
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Postby Moose » Mon Nov 06, 2006 10:44 pm

peecee wrote:
xxPurplexx wrote:Well im not an 80's person Moose! :P :oops:


haha, well I am, and I think Moose's joke is in the right thread... :wink: :(



btw, Moose, did your granny sing you Madness songs in the cradle, like mine did...? :^o :P


Yes! :^o Well, great granny moose did anyway. AND that joke was ace, so meh!

Sorry Purple! Forgive me? [-o<
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Postby Brighter » Mon Nov 06, 2006 10:50 pm

I have another... it's quite long

Theres a mexican man, a scottish man and a blonde man sat on the scafolding on a building site. it's lunch time...and they each pull out their lunch.
The mexican opens his box..and finds a fahjita wrap, he looks at it and turns to the other two.
"My wife gives me a damn fahjita wrap everyday! if she packs me one tomorrow im going to jump of this building."

Then the Scottish man opens his lunch box. and finds a cornbeef sandwhich, he looks at it and turns to the other two.
"My damn wife gives me a damn cornbeef sandwhich every day, if she packs me one tomorrow im going to jump off this building too."

Then the blonde man opens his lunch box, and in it there is a jam sandwhich, he looks at it, and turns to the other two.
"I always have a jam sandwhich, if i get one tomorrow im jumping off this building TOO!"

So the next day, the mexican opens his lunch box, and sees what his wife has packed him, and then he jumps.
then the scottishman opens his, sees what he's been given and then he also jumps.
Lastly the blonde man opens his, and sees what he's got, he sighs and then jumps too.

At the funeral the wives of the three men are all standing around. And the mexican wife says "If i'd know he hated fahjitas so much, i wouldn't have packed him another one!"
and then the scottish wife says "if i'd know he hated corned beef so much i wouldn't ahve packed him one either!" both of the wives turned to the blonde's wife.
She says:
"Don't look at me! He packs his own lunch!"

HAHAHAHA

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Postby PurePurple » Tue Nov 07, 2006 5:10 pm

Moose wrote:Sorry Purple! Forgive me? [-o<




Okay :D
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Postby DiamondAngel » Wed Nov 15, 2006 10:41 am

OK i have a really quite sweet joke for you all to enjoy.
Personally i like it but other ppl think its bad...

What did the lemon say to the lemon?
-Hello Lemon

What did the sausage say to the sausage?
-AHHHH a talking sausage!!!

Ok one more...

What has more legs, a horse or no horse?
-No horse because no horse has 6 legs!!!

Thats all for now. :D Hope you can contain the laughter
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Postby Brighter » Wed Nov 15, 2006 6:14 pm

MM i don't get the horse one...
:(
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Postby DiamondAngel » Fri Nov 17, 2006 1:14 pm

the horse one? um..i know explaining ruins a joke but the reason no horse has more legs is because you don't get horses with 6 legs. So when u say no horse cos no horse has 6 legs...does it make sense? so therefore no horse has more cos no horse has 6 legs whereas a horse has 4.
its hard to explain but never mind. hope it helps a bit
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Postby kacie » Tue Nov 21, 2006 1:25 pm

There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.
Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.
The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"
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Postby kacie » Tue Nov 21, 2006 2:31 pm

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
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Postby Domus Clamantium » Sat Nov 25, 2006 12:56 pm

A guy goes into a pub, walks up to the bar, orders a drink and says to the barmaid "'ere love, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The barmaid replies "well, bearing in mind that i'm blonde, the landlady's blonde, the lass at the end of the bar is blonde and those 2 girls playing pool are both blonde, do you really wanna tell a blonde joke???"

The guy looks round the pub, turns back to the barmaid and says "on second thoughts, no - not if i'm gonna have to explain it 5 times!!!"


:lol:
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Postby Brighter » Sat Nov 25, 2006 7:24 pm

I was reading jokes on the internet
and i came accross this one, and i REALLY don't get it.
any ideas?

Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," came the reply. The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."...

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Postby peecee » Sat Nov 25, 2006 7:52 pm

It's just meant to be surreal, and appeal to people with a very weird sense of humour.

I enjoyed it :o

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Postby Tatrat_00 » Wed Dec 13, 2006 3:25 am

A christmas one :O
Three men at a chess conference were discusing their recent victories in the hotels lobby when the manager came out and asked them to leave. When as ked why he responded"Because i cant stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer"

yeah i groaned the first time
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