The worst jokes on the planet

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Postby PurePurple » Wed Dec 13, 2006 5:55 pm

Jesus walks into a bar with 3 nails and asks the bar man "Can you put me up for the night?"


Lobster walks into a bar and asks the barman for a drink the barman replies with "I'm not serving you.." The lobtser asks why and the barman replies "Because your always giving it this.."

Lobster? Pinchers? They always open and close them (Talking)
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Postby Bexical » Wed Dec 13, 2006 6:45 pm

Just told my dad some of these jokes and he loved them
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Postby Wild Sage » Mon Dec 18, 2006 6:02 pm

ok i have got the offical worst joke of all history.

whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff

whats green and fluffy? sick pink fluff

whats blue and fluffy? pink fluff chokeing on a rolo

trust me the list goes on and on. garenteed to get millions of groans every time.
Borders are scratched across the hearts of men
By strangers with a calm, judicial pen,
And when the borders bleed we watch with dread
The lines of ink across the map turn red.
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Postby disturbed_mind » Wed Dec 20, 2006 9:21 pm

whats brown and sticky....... a STICK!!!!!!!







what were you all thinking you dirty people
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Postby fairy of darkness » Sun Mar 18, 2007 6:14 pm

LOL oooh dear i actually don't understand most of these jokes... im known in my area for ruining them due to people having to explain! haha .. but here are some of mine that i DO understand :D .. try to control your laughter...i actually laughed at these!!

What do you call a one-eyed deer?
No idea! (no-eyed-deer) (for those who are like me and struggle to understand)

What do you call a polar bear running at you?
Nothin you run!

Can i ask you a question?
Well err you didn't really give me a choice there did you son!

Knock knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo hoo?
No need to cry its only a joke

*Rolls on floor laughing so hard at pathetic jokes*
LOL i hope i didnt cause to many groans
Love F.O.D xxx
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Postby Domus Clamantium » Sun Mar 18, 2007 8:06 pm

Groan... :wink: :wink: :wink:
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Postby fairy of darkness » Sun Mar 18, 2007 8:22 pm

LOl just the reaction i was after :D xxx
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Postby fairy of darkness » Mon Mar 19, 2007 4:27 pm

Doctor doctor, i feel like a pair of curtains... well pull yourself together then! HAHA a good old classic...and a new one i heard today......

A man walks into the doctors surgery, "doctor, everytime i touch parts of my body it hurts! I touch my knee and it hurts! i touch my arm and it hurts! i touch my head and it still hurts!

Doctor says " er you have a broken finger!"

I LOVE that joke! haha xxx F.O.D xxx
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Postby Weasley » Tue Jun 19, 2007 11:19 am

I just had to add one!!!!

What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
Do-u-think-he-saurus!

Hahahaha!!!
xxx :)
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Postby PurePurple » Tue Jun 19, 2007 4:36 pm

Groan..
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Postby Weasley » Wed Jun 20, 2007 9:55 am

Total groan! It was the only clean, slightly funny one I could think of! It was very bad though wasn't it... :roll:
xxx :)
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Postby Teenspirit » Wed Jun 20, 2007 1:51 pm

Jesus looks round to all of his disciples and says

I SHALL TURN THE WATER IN TO WINE.............

John got up and said

You can put your bleeding fiver in like the rest of us mate....

Ha ha ha
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Postby maninneed » Wed Jun 20, 2007 2:06 pm

black beauty, he was a dark horse !
dum spiro spero, spero melior
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Postby fairy of darkness » Wed Jun 20, 2007 10:53 pm

LOL! i find these kinda jokes SO much more funny than the long winded clever ones that i never understand anyway! hehe xxx F.O.D xxx
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Postby kacie » Thu Jun 21, 2007 12:13 pm

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the driver's side. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"Ahhh!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex!"
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