feeling down because of yesterday night

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feeling down because of yesterday night

Postby JayJay » Sat Aug 26, 2006 10:34 pm

well, i guess this was really my fault, but over the last few weeks, ive been attending sunday mass with a work friend every now or then. im asian guy who isnt really religious. Im not the clubbing/drinkin/drugging type of guy, im pretty alright and im leading what i thinks a good life with a great future yet to come. Yesterday night i was invited back to an evening event where a pastor from america would be talking about enjoying single life.

well, basically, during the talk, he was explaining that men were supposed to be breadwinners and give to their familys, and women are supposed to recieved and to nurture what their husband brings home, ie wealth, food, children etc etc. I didnt agree with this at all because it seemed very old fashioned, but i kept taking his opinion in with interest. He then tried to explain further that men and women have 'parts' that are specifically designed for men to 'give' and women to 'recieve.' Then he started to explain that two men together or two women together was wrong. "two men arent biologically designed to give to each other, nor can two women recieve each other. It just cant work."

Im gay, and his statement hurt me so much. i sat there surrounded by people nodding their heads and agreeing to his words. These are nice people who welcomed me in their church, i still have no bad word to say to their religion or their beliefs, but i was hurting yesterday. More so, because my workfriend was sitting right next to me, and i could see she agreed. She knows im gay, shes told me she doest agree with my lifestyle and 'wouldnt recomended it' but she sees me as as a human being, and not just gay.

Ive never felt so dirty and wrong in my life. I think this affected me more than it shouldve because ive always had silent moments where sometimes i wished i was straight, and things were simpler. But there will never be a day that i will suddenly wake up straight, and be culturally and socially 'normal'.

sitting there last night, i thought would these incredibly nice, welcoming and intelligent people have gotten on well with me as they do and embraced me so warmly if they knew i was gay? i cant even begin to tell you how down i am and persecuted i felt last night. It was the worst feeling in the world, to know that i was filled in a room where people wouldnt like me if they knew a particular detail of who i am. i felt offended when my workmate siad what she said to me, but i got over it, but hearing this from someone telling a hall full of 100 or so people was a whole overwhelming experience. i dont know how to move on from this, any suggestions very welcome please.
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Postby ayeaiii » Sat Aug 26, 2006 10:58 pm

Oh JayJay x

I am so sorry for that experience you had to suffer :(

Of course, it does without saying, though I will, You are not dirty AT ALL. And it is NOT your fault-, you should be able to go where you want without feeling horrible and disliked xx

Nowadays, I think perhaps most people in this country, especially younger people, are reasonably tolerant of gay people. But of course, in such a situation as that, it doesn't feel like it is that way. Those who don't, they are not people you want to mix with xx

But as you say, it included friends of yours.. perhaps you should ask them about? It must be a terrible worry for you to have to worry of your friends disapproving. So you can see how they truly feel, so it does not play on your mind.

For now, surround your self in people who love and accept you. Should hate for this experience to make you feel bad about yourself xxx
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Postby Moose » Mon Aug 28, 2006 12:28 pm

I think you should tell your friend that you won't be attending mass with her anymore. If she asks why, tell her the turth: that you feel uncomfortable spending time with people who so openly disagree with who you are. Considering you've already said yourself that you're not really religious, to keep going back to mass would be putting yourself in an unnecessarily difficult and uncomfortable position.

As ayeaiii said, surround yourself with people who do accept you. I don't know if you watch EastEnders, but when the Sonia and Naomi storyline was on a few months ago, a colleague of mine was bleating on about how she shouldn't have to watch that sort of filth on her TV. I was quite offended by that because I'm bi and I was in a relationship with another woman at the time. Plus it made me feel, well, wrong, I suppose. Anyway, I don't bother with her now, and if she ever did find out about me, it wouldn't really matter because her attitude has changed my opinion of her.

You know what they say: people who matter don't mind, and people who mind don't matter. And as you're not massively into mass anyway, you won't be losing out.
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Postby all_apologies » Mon Aug 28, 2006 2:56 pm

Hey,

I totally relate to how you're feeling. I'm in no way religious but, seeing as Christianity is the dominant religion here in the UK, obviously their beliefs interest me. For a while now it's been playing on my mind that homosexuality is considered an "abomination" against God, and it really concerns me. I even joined a Christian forum while doing some research to ask their opinions, and was prompty removed from the site with no explanation or warning.

Although there's not really any resolution to the way you're being treated, you should try not to take it to heart. I find comfort in the fact that these people who are judging you are going against their own beliefs by doing just that. After all, doesn't Christianity preach that we should not judge each other?

I also figure that homosexuality is so prevalent in society that it surely can't be a sin in itself. There are millions of perfectly decent people who identify as gay, and I find it difficult to believe that sexuality is something that can be altered. There are loads of liberalist websites out there (often run by gay Christian groups) listing bible quotes that seem to offer up a different side to the story, so perhaps it's worth looking into these and challenging your colleague if she continues to judge your lifestyle.

As I said before, it's difficult knowing that many fundamentalist Christians people deem your sexuality unacceptable. However, there are plenty of other "sins" that are commonplace in today's society, and yet aren't focused on nearly as much. Try not to let it bring you down. So long as you are happy and respectful of others, you are surely leading a better lifestyle than those who are so quick to judge.
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Postby kitten » Mon Aug 28, 2006 3:47 pm

I am a christian and whilst I follow the beliefs as best I can. I feel modern society doesn't fit completely with the teachings in the bible. Times change, homosexuality is much more widely accepted. I don't see anything wrong with it myself and have gay friends.

I would tell you're friend that you don't feel comfortable going to mass with her as you don't like to be judged. Most religions are about acceptanace. I went to a very modern church and homosexuality was never mentioned in either a positive or negative way. But I do believe the Bible is open to interputation as people see fit, like any other book people interupt things differently.
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Postby JayJay » Mon Aug 28, 2006 7:47 pm

Thank you for the replies, you guys are right. and i agree with Moose, I dont think I should really go back. I just wouldnt feel right there.

I was given an old bible by my friend on that very same day, it was like a young persons youth bible which had a special listings to pages teens may take an interest with, like friends, honesty and self-esteem etc etc. In there there were a few quotes to do with prejudice. I think that there was a big prejudice on gay people that evening.

Back on Friday, all the pastor talked about was how two men having sex was not biologically correct, that homosexuality was wrong. If it was just the act of intercourse between two men, then would I, still being a virgin, be considered sin? If all i am guilty of is my attraction to the same sex, am i still considered wrong in their religion?

Wow, that was confusing! God, maybe im making this a bigger issue than it needs to be, but i hope that this doesnt mess me up in the head later on. I was having a wonderful time attending the other services as well. Its a real shame that homosexuality was just seen as two same-sexed people doing it, rather than two same-sexed people in a human relationship, which involves sex, like all other heterosexual people.

I think that if the pastor saw past the act of sex in gay relationships, homosexuality may be more accepted in Christianity.
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Postby misskrystal » Mon Aug 28, 2006 8:36 pm

My friend and I joke that if he ever set foot in a church, he'd go up in flames :D We both know that it's the closed minded, prejudiced people who are missing out, because they're the ones who will never know how wonderful my friend is.

I would never surround myself with people who make judgements based on who I am. Going back to mass with your friend will just make you feel bad about yourself, when you know that there's absolutely nothing wrong with you and your lifestyle. My boyfriend and I aren't married, yet we have sex. I don't need to be judged because we choose to express our love for each other this way and, even though I'm perfectly happy with my actions, being around people who would judge me because of this will only make me feel badly.

If you want to spend time with caring, like minded people, join your local LGBT (lesbian, gay, bi, transgendered society).
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Postby brfc » Tue Aug 29, 2006 8:46 am

some people attend this things in church and believe any old tripe that the speaker chucks out. when the bible was brought out it wasnt given any updates too adapt too future events. im sure him up above wouldnt care weather your gay bi or have green poka dots. if your happy with your life thats all that matters. :D
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Postby bluelea » Tue Aug 29, 2006 6:00 pm

dont worry about what they think,
YOU are YOU and I believe we are made the way we are, I'm catholic(even though i dont go to mass regularly and dont know half as much as i should!) but I always believe that i'm sure i've heard at a mass before that we should love and respect one another and that is everybody so that includes you!!! also treat others as we would like to be treated, these days i hope what you experienced is very isolated and i'd expect most people in this day and age to be more open minded and to respect everyone. sorry if this doesnt make sense but issues like these really rub me up the wrong way!!!!! a friend of mine came out earlier this year, and she's found it really hard, her parents didnt want to know her anymore and I couldnt understand their way of thinking, I dont see what the big deal is, she's the same to me.
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