Prelude to 2007!

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Prelude to 2007!

Postby Phoenix » Tue Jan 02, 2007 2:39 am

Well, problem pages, it's been a crazy december that just went by.

So, mid-november, this guy I liked for a little while asked me out and I said yes.

Er, a fortnight later we lost our Virginities to eachother. I told my brothers rightaway, thinking they had a right to know. They went skits, and though we agreed to not let mum know about this, they broke the agreement. Mum wants nothing to do with me; she lives and works in London and we don't live there... She said she's never coming to see us again, because of me. Having sex.

And all my brothers will do is bring up the past... Saying that me making such an irrational decision was due to the fact that I have been sexually abused by my father (something which ended this time last year). By tying it into the abuse, they've dirtied what we did, made it repulsive.

And now I get confused about it all. I'm still with my boyfriend, Oli, and we are sexually active, and we have all practical matters protection-wise taken care of, it's just.. On an emotional level, I don't know if I'm coming or going. I only hope that we haven't inadvertently trampled on what would otherwise have been a fulfilling relationship, by racing ahead. And... And what was he thinking, asking for sex after just two weeks?? Please don't tell me it's all he's interested in, he doesn't seem like that kind of guy, and it was his first time too.

I was 16 on new year's eve. He's already 16.
Why do we fall? -So we can learn to pick ourselves up again. PM me anytime about anything.
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Postby all_apologies » Tue Jan 02, 2007 3:06 am

Why do you think your mum and brothers reacted in this way? Is it your age? Religious beliefs? Or do you think it's tied to the abuse you suffered in the past?

I must say that although it's never going to be easy for a parent to accept the fact that their child is sexually active (whatever age), it seems a bit extreme that she wants nothing to do with you over the matter. So long as you're of consenting age, are comfortable and being sensible, there should be no reason for you to feel guilty about your actions.

Your brothers are probably just being protective of their sister, especially knowing what you've gone through in the past. However, at the end of the day, your private life is none of their business. If you're happy with your partner, don't let them bring your relationship down. Also, you should never feel they have a "right to know". When it comes down to it, they need only know what you want to tell them about your sexual relations.

As for your relationship, do you feel as if you've spoiled things by having sex? Reading through your post, it doesn't seem like you're unhappy with your relationship, and are only worried you've spoiled it because of what other people are telling you. So long as the two of you are happy, I personally would say go with what feels right for you and not your brothers!
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Postby The Lady » Tue Jan 23, 2007 1:55 am

Hi there Pheonix
I reckon that your mum will come around given time. But in future, I'd think about keeping your private life private - you don't have to tell your brothers everything!
Please don't feel horrible about being sexually active, survivors of abuse have as much right to a happy and healthy sex life as anyone else. Don't let your dad take that away from you. Sometimes it feels like the whole thing is just too complicated, but you'll get through. I feel like saying 'believe in lurve' or something like that, :oops: daft or what!!!! But you get the idea!!!
Big Hugs
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