does ne1 evn care...?

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does ne1 evn care...?

Postby confused_huni » Sun Jun 15, 2003 12:18 am

dont evn kno where 2 start...my life is such a mess n nuttin i do seems 2 change tht. i doubt ne1 will evn botha 2 read this, but mayb jus writin it wil help...

wel basicaly im jus anotha teenager with a fuked life n no1 2 turn 2. i constantly feel lyk im the verge of jus breakin down n almost evry nite i seem 2 cry myself 2 sleep. i have only jus cum out of an abusive relationship n im stil not totaly free of the guy who used 2 beat me. i stil owe him a lot of money n until i pay him bak i kno i will neva b totaly free of him. i feel lyk i dnt evn hve ne1 2 turn 2.

the only two people i have ever felt close 2 have both died and i feel so alone. i have good friends n we talk often, but things with them arent the same as they were with my 2 friends that passed away. the first guy died from cancer, jus over a year ago, n jus seein him suffer lyk tht broke my heart. i loved him so much n i gues i stil havent come 2 terms with the fact tht hes gone. the second guy died on christmas eve last december and i miss him lyk crazy. evn now, lyk 5 months on, i stil pik up the fone 2 ring him and break down when i hear his voicemail message on the line and realise tht im neva gona talk 2 him, or see him ever agen. i duno wot 2 do. my friends kno abt all of the events but they dnt understand...nuttin i do cld eva make them understand how much pain im in.

i got so sick of bein ''the depressed one'' that i started 2 put on front. they think im bak 2 my old, happy, bubbly self. but the truth is i dnt think i cld eva go bak 2 the way i used 2 be. i jus feel hollow and empty inside. recently ive started 2 self harm agen, i stopped 4 a while after my friends found out n they got realy upset. they made me feel so guilty. i only managed 2 stop 4 a month wen the urge 2 cut got 2 big 2 handle. this tym round my friends dnt kno abt it n i jus keep thinkin, evn if they knew wld they evn care...

i fink i sld stop now. im sory this is so long, but my hed is jus a mess rite now and i figured tht typin all this wld help...but i dnt think it has at all. and 2 ne who has evn bothered 2 read this...thanx. it means more then ull probably eva kno
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Postby bean_pole » Tue Jun 17, 2003 6:26 pm

hey there... :o well im kinda gobsmacked by your story!! thats alot for a young person to take in...the first thing ive gotta say is other people may never fully understand your problem and you to may never understand what the emotions mean that you are feeling. as for the self harming its a bad idea...i know that you prob cant help it and it feels like your easing the pressure and the stress but at the end of the day you may also be making it alot worse... my ex boyfriend used to cut himself and sometimes i dont think self harmers are aware of how they make the others around them feel i cared so much for him and it realy upset me that i became depressed like you i also had other reasons to, i used to put on a front to people just like you do but eventually they will see through it esp if they are good friends and know the real you! my best friend noticed my "front" that i put on and i spoke to her she didnt laugh or judge me and i felt better afterwards but it still took me a long time to come out of my depressed phase...everyone goes through them and some phases are more serious than others and last for different lengths of time to.... if you dont have anyone that you feel that you can really talk to perhaps you should try couenselling this helped my ex out he found it hard at first but he dealt with it and persevered! even if i havent helped i hope ive made you realise that others go through this to even though they may not have the same problems as you...ive been through it and so has my ex and we both came through on the other side...with a little bit of help from others!, so if your offered help dont turn it down and GOOD LOCK let me know how it goes!
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Postby woopdecker » Sun Aug 10, 2003 10:17 am

Hiya. i'm pretty shocked as well. I was jst like you with different problems, the mask was broken by my best friend, i thought i had no one to turn to, but i was wrong, everyone that knows has helped me in some way. Everynight i cryed myself to sleep, and i self harmed, none of it made me feel better. I found someone to talk to because i knew somehting needed to be done about it, you have to find someone to, there are people out there who care abot you, even if you dont think so. The main thing is get it off ya chest, there's loads of people here to talk to and your friends at school, even if you dont tell them all, at least one will help. Things do get better, you just have to try your hardest and never think about giving up, that is the worst thing you can do, no matter how hard things get, they will get better. And i can tell that you don think they well, but just stick it out and see.
I dont know if this is anyhelp, but think about what me an bean_pole have sed, and good luck with everything let us know if there's anything anything else. :-)
some people never listen. Others never try, with eyes and ears shut tight.. the world just passes them by.
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