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Battling With Bulimia.

PostPosted: Sat Nov 12, 2011 2:19 am
by emmaamaay
I have been thinking a while about writing this, whether it is the right time to write this or not but now I think this is the right time.



I have been suffering from a eating disorder for around 18 months now, I have been getting counselling etc for it and now i`m on a way to recovery.

But I still got those really bad days when I feel bad about myself and want to change who I am and go back to what I was.

I got bullied when I was younger for my size and that is one of the reasons why I have an eating disorder. I may not be the thinnest girl in the world but, I do still have a heart and I am a human being.

Another reason why I have an eating disorder is because I HATE who I am, physically and mentally. Absolutely hate it. I just want to get rid of the pain this has caused me and change who I am today.

Earlier this year my eating disorder was at its worst, I used to not eat for 2 days and then binge and I felt bad about binging etcetc

When people look at me I think it is in a bad way. I have paranoia when I think everyone around me is looking at me and watching what I am eating and I feel they are thinking bad things about me. I know this is not the case but I still think about it.

I have tried other diets in the past and they had not worked and then my eating disorder came along.

I attend counselling every week and it is helping. We discuss all sorts of flaws about my dieting and what are the positives of me getting better and how it all started in the first place.

I still feel like I am 20 stone in the mirror when I am not but I always see a larger me in the reflection.

The pain the bulling has caused me is horrendous. It got to the point when I used to self harm as I felt really bad about myself and I felt alot of pain during that time and wanted it to all stop.

I just want to say to those bully's F.U! And that I AM a better person than you!

I am getting help now and moving on to a slow recovery with the help I am getting.



I want to say to the people who are going through what I am going through, that it is hard but with a lot of positivity you will get though it! I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I am going through what you are going though and just think about the good things about yourself and keep then close to your heart with your friends and family.

xxxx

Re: Battling With Bulimia.

PostPosted: Sat Nov 12, 2011 2:34 pm
by captainf
You've had it really rough and it appears that you have started to come through it. Its a long road but I think that it sounds like you're coping with things fairly well. The bullies were nasty and unfair but again it sounds like you are overcoming this well and its something to be proud of. Dont let them drag you down. They only do it because they are probably unhappy in their own lives and so try to drag you down too.
You will get bad days and you will have good days. The good days will certainly begin to outweigh the bad days if they havent already. You will also start to view yourself as the right size in the mirror too. Don't dislike the person you are. You have friends and they obviously like the person you are. Chin up and it will all be good in the end.

Re: Battling With Bulimia.

PostPosted: Thu Dec 29, 2011 10:25 pm
by Aurelie
It sounds like you are only beginning to become the person you know you are. Believe in yourself, you evidently are a strong, wonderful person.

Re: Battling With Bulimia.

PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 1:01 am
by emmaamaay
Thank you so much!


I am now on the road to recovery and I am a happier person now :)

Re: Battling With Bulimia.

PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 2:09 pm
by Bel Bel
That is so ggod to hear.
You may still get bad days but as long as they are outweighed by the good ones it's ok

Good luck and stay healthy in 2012

Re: Battling With Bulimia.

PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 11:54 pm
by emmaamaay
Thank you, I am much better now and I hope 2012 will be a good one!

Re: Battling With Bulimia.

PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2012 1:32 am
by captainf
I do hope things continue to go well for you :) Happy new year. :)

Re: Battling With Bulimia.

PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2012 4:47 am
by emmaamaay
I hope so too! Happy new year to you too! :D

Re: Battling With Bulimia.

PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 12:38 am
by retrochav
Its so good to hear a positive situation comming through.

I have a client with an eating disorder and much of the root cause for her was due to bullies and friends and family making silly remarks not realising that far from helping, it actually made things worse.

I am helping her to write a pamphlet for those who are still in the middle of the fight against this illness. I really hope that one day you might feel able to fully share experiances and knowledge too, although these threads are inspiring.

Reading through the threads, you have shown you have more strength and more beauty than any of the fools who contributed to your illness.

Every counselling session attended, every day that you fight back is evidence of that strength and beauty. A day that doesnt go so well isnt a lost fight, it merely means working at new ways to fight back tommorrow.

I wish you so much success for 2012. The journey may be a long one, but the wisdom you will have gained will help so many, so please do keep the posts comming - you would be amazed how much strength and hope it is giving others who are rooting for you - even on the hard days. Good luck

Re: Battling With Bulimia.

PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 9:49 pm
by emmaamaay
Thank you :)


I have 2 session of counselling left and then it is over.

It is going to be hard for me as my counsellor has been there for me and turned my life around. It will be strange without any help or advice about right or wrong choices but I am going to go at it head first.

I am a stronger person now and I feel I can accomplish things with my head held high, without having any regrets for it.

I am glad this is helping people and I do want to share the experiences I have had and to help people who are going through what I have been though.

My aim is to help people who think that they can't get better and feel that the whole world is against them. I want to give them advice and that the whole world isn't against them, they are only just trying to help.



I am really glad that people read this and that my message is getting across :)