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What's wrong with me?!

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 1:22 pm
by Laughter&loyalty
I think I may have depression. I know that depressive tendencies are usually genetic, and my dad has depression. My personality traits include self critical and low self esteem so I am quite vulnerable to depression, especially with all the stress and changes that are happening in my life. I feel down a lot, useless and hopeless, want to cut off from everyone, get annoyed with people fairly easily. I know, and it's often misunderstood, that people with depression don't always want to kill themselves or self harm. There are different degrees of depression, which depends on the person.

However, I feel like I want to stay in and do nothing and just sit and cry, even though I don't have anything to be upset about in particular seen as things are looking up for me. I think my main problem is that I'm lonely. I don't have many friends as I'm quite independent. I've started a new school for sixth form and don't get to see my old friends as much. I have new friends but I don't feel close enough to them to be able to tell them my problems. I don't tell my parents anything when it comes to my problems either. I have internet friends but sometimes they are the ones that cause apart of the stress. I don't like people to worry. I have to bottle up my emotions and act like everything is fine.

Recently though, my 'happy' act is failing. I've been taking time off school saying I'm ill. I don't feel physically ill, I have aches and pains but I feel ill mentally. My dad is more understanding about it cause he's had depression before, but mum is more like 'get up and get over it' sort of attitude. I'm not a lazy sort of person and that's why it's upsetting me. Just walking up stairs gives me a rapid heart beat and tires me out. I'm used to ignoring it and soldiering on but I don't feel like I can do it any more.

I don't know what to do. Do I take time off to rest and sort out my head or just push myself to keep going, do more activities to keep myself busy, ect? I feel like people think I'm being lazy and dramatic and the last thing I want to do is look weak. It's really hard to explain what I'm going through. I want help but I don't want to go to the doctors and be put on a course of medication, I don't want to rely on drugs.

I don't even know what I've got is depression, my symptoms relate to it but I don't know anymore. I know I've been vague but any help would be helpful

Re: What's wrong with me?!

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 3:04 pm
by Bel Bel
You need to go and tell your doctor.
You can get help and your life could be much improved if you do.
You don't need to suffer alone.
You can visit the MIND website and get some useful local contacts to help you too.
Exercise is known to increase happy hormones "endorphins" so try to do some. Even if it's a walk around the block it's better than nothing.
Please don't continue to suffer unnecessarily on your own, reach out.

Re: What's wrong with me?!

Posted: Mon Nov 23, 2015 7:15 am
by David020549
Hi, a very large proportion of young people have depression in various forms, often because they don't know where they are going to fit into the adult world, so you are not alone. As Belle says go to your doctor and get some help that is the first step, next make a change in your life to use up your spare time, an active sport of hobby, a weekend job, do voluntary work. All of these will give your self esteem a big boost, it will give you experience and contact with people of all ages and improve your confidence.
I say all this from experience, a few years ago we had a restaurant and we had a steady stream of 16 yr olds, mostly girls to help at weekends, they began shy, timid and awkward, they changed into confident young women quickly. Don't think it will interfere with schoolwork, we had one who turned up at 9 am on Saturdays a wreck because she had been out partying late, when it came to exam results time she got 11 A*!.