losing a parent

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losing a parent

Postby lizzie.s. » Sun Dec 21, 2003 9:27 pm

i am losing my mum, for reasons not for the forum, i dont know how i am going to cope with her gone. what can i do to keep sane?
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Postby luvva » Mon Dec 22, 2003 2:07 am

Hey
This is hard because you dont say why or how you mean. Well if you mean as in just moving away out of your life you just have to remember you can always phone and write but if you mean as in leaving your life because of death, you have to remember that dying means the person can go to a better place. It means your mum will be happier, also she will always be watching over you. Im sure when people die, a lot of family members feel as if the person is always with them. That is how i sometimes feel about my grandma.
Im not sure if this was any help at all but i hope it was.
Bye
keep us posted!
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Postby lizzie.s. » Mon Dec 22, 2003 8:22 am

it because of death. she has cancer. she isnt expected to see next year. it just isnt fair.

help me
please!!!
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Postby luvva » Mon Dec 22, 2003 12:11 pm

Hey
well im really sorry to hear that, but you have to remember you mum is going to a better place and she will always be watching over you, a bit like a guardian angel. Plus, well i don't want to say she'll definitely pull through but there are quite a few cases where people get given a certain amount of months then they live like another 20 years. I know if i found out my mum was dying i would be in pieces but you have to stay strong for your mum and for your family.
I hope your mum is okay :(
sorry again
bye
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Postby Jo » Mon Dec 22, 2003 1:49 pm

Hi lizzie.s.

It's impossible to put a positive light on something like this and I can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like. This kind of news is overwhelming and it's very hard to know what to say.

Remember that there are a lot of people out there who wish they could make you feel better. Lots of love will be going out to you whenever someone reads your post.

I am assuming that your mum is receiving some kind of treatment from the local hospital? If so its possible that there may be counselling available for family members - you could ask about this.

Counselling would give you the chance to express your feelings. I am wondering whether you are bottling them up a bit in order to 'be strong' and avoid upsetting your mum? This is OK but you still need to find a safe place for your feelings to come out - you don't have to be strong all the time. It may even help to talk to your mum about it, she may be needing to talk too, it could strengthen the bond between you. You could write a diary together, or write letters that will leave you with something precious to remember her by.

When the time comes (if it does) it will help if you can be sure that you made the most of the time you had left. Try to designate some time when you put the worrying to the back of your mind and do something special with your mum, it doesn't have to be anything expensive or amazing, just something you both enjoy. If you do this on a regular basis it would be a very positive way of spending the time you have left - rather than spending all of it unhappy.

Some of the web sites below may also be of help...

http://www.cctrust.org.uk/index.htm
http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/features/te ... ness.shtml
http://www.d-stress.org.uk/headings/Termill.htm
http://www.channel4.com/health/microsit ... pices.html
http://www.cancerbacup.org.uk/Home

Take care of yourself Lizzie, try to make this Christmas a special one. Feel free to come here and 'vent' whenever you need to.
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Postby saz » Mon Dec 22, 2003 8:02 pm

Hi. I have never experienced a parent being ill but my auntie is going through the same thing and her three children are going through what you are now.

They are just taking things day by day at the moment. It was such a shock but they are just being strong for her, trying to stay positive and make things wonderful for her. The rest of us feel a bit helpless we want to help but there isn't much we can do.

Even though she is very ill, my auntie is planning a big party at her house on boxing day for the whole family. She just wants everyone together maybe for the last time she will see them, but we are determined to make it the best party ever, not a sombre occasion.

The Macmillian nurses who look after my auntie have offered counselling to her and her children. Apparently they are really lovely and helpful so maybe you or someone could ask about them at the hospital.

Dont go through this on your own talk to other family and friends at a time like this people pull together to give each other support. Take care and let us know how you are.
Doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing
cos i'm in love with the inner being
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Postby woopdecker » Sat Dec 27, 2003 6:42 pm

I agree with the others, you cant go through this on your own, you have to talk to people around you. Things only get worse if you bottle them up and try and act strong. You cant do it all the time, no matter how much you try and bottle it up, it always finds a way out. And when it does, it's usually to late. Dont let this happen.
I dont know how this feels, cause i've never been there. But i know it must be hard, loosing any family member.
But you have to know your not on your own, your family will be feeling the same way, and doing the same thing as you, acting strong in front of other people, for there sake.
Just stick together, and you'll get through this.


Loadsa luv

Maz
some people never listen. Others never try, with eyes and ears shut tight.. the world just passes them by.
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Postby cheese100 » Sat Dec 27, 2003 8:05 pm

hi,I too agree that the peaple around you can support you at this time.I am so sorry for you this must be real hard.This may sound strage but she will still be with you even if she does pass away,she may get treatmant,and will always be your mum whatever happens.Cheese xx
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Postby babes_of_2000_uk » Mon Mar 15, 2004 6:24 pm

i lizzi i lost my mum 7 years ago this year and when i got told she was going to die i didnt no what to do. but the bext thing i did was spend every hour possible witth her doing things i new would make her happy and forget how she was feeling. do things to take her mind of it not just your own. and make sure you tell her how muc h u love her and that u will miss her but you are going to be ok after. u will never get over it compleatly i still havent and am starting counsilling soon. dont leave it too long if your not coping get help. doctors understand and can help you get though it.
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Postby worstfriend » Tue Mar 16, 2004 1:13 pm

Hi Lizzie,
I'm in pretty much the same boat at the moment. My Mum has cancer and is undergoing treatment. Her cancer is slow growing so they think they might be able to give her another 5 years (best case) but if the chemo doesn't work (which as yet it hasn't) she might not see next summer. It's very hard to accept the loss of a parent i know.

My Mum has been ill for many years. When i was a teenager she had alot of heart attacks and a stroke, then when they'd given her a pace-maker and i finally thought she was better, they found out she had cancer. SHe had major surgery and radiothereapy but ii only worked for a short time, now she's got more tumours but they don't know how many as the pacemaker can't be scanned in the normal way (MRI) and they can't give more radiation where one of the visible tumours is because you can't irradiate the same area twice, and she can't have strong chemo as she only has 1 kidney (the other was choked by a tumour which they can't operate on, though they removed the kidney). She is having a terrible time on Chemo right now and it might all be for nothing if it doesn't work.

I know how you're feeling. The only thing i can say, which may not be any comfort and which you already know, is that everyone has to die. I accepted that my Mum would die a long time ago, and now i feel able to enjoy however much time she has left without feeling too sad. Your Mum is ill, but my mum says she is not dying, she is alive or she is dead. Enjoy your time with your mum, and don't let her death cast a shadow until it has happened. As long as you and your children and their children remember her or talk about her, she will be alive forever in your hearts. She is in you, a fundamental part of who you are. Though you will miss her when she's gone, you will still be able to talk to her, and you'll maybe even be able to hear her replies in your heart. Say all the things you want to tell her, so that when she goes you don't have regrets, and when the time comes, let her go with grace and dignity and send her on her way with love and peace.

If you need to talk privately, then PM me and i'll be there...

Love

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Postby lizzie.s. » Wed Apr 21, 2004 8:45 pm

ok, i havnt been on for a while so i will get you up to date.

My mum died in january, on the 2nd. she was determined as hell to see new year!!!! typical her!!! her death wasnt nearly as bad as i thought it would be and all my friends were there to support me, i cudnt have got through aswell without em.

Thanks for all your help guys!!!

Btw, my name is paul. Lizzie.s. is a cousin of mine!!
it makes you think doesn't it?
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Postby Jo » Wed Apr 21, 2004 10:04 pm

Thanks so much for updating us Paul, I was actually wondering about you the other day (well, about Lizzie!). I'm also glad to hear you had lots of support from friends. Hope they are still around. Also, you know where we are! Keep in touch.
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Postby lizzie.s. » Thu Apr 22, 2004 7:03 am

thanks guys. u have all been a great help. Yeah all my friends are still around. we are all hlodin up well.
it makes you think doesn't it?
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