How can i be there for her?

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How can i be there for her?

Postby Nicki-claire » Tue Feb 03, 2004 7:07 pm

On saturday night my friend had a massive party it got totally out of hand. Alot of people got drunk. One of my friends "Sarah" got very drunk. I didnt know at the time as i would of some how stoped her, but she had sex with her ex bf. It was both their first times. Shes 16 so she legal but noway was she ready. Its really getting to her, she regretts it so much. When we had a convosation about it last night i felt so usless as i didnt know to say. does anyone have a view on this and how i can be there for her?
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Postby cheese100 » Tue Feb 03, 2004 8:39 pm

hi
I think that it was no one fault because they were drunk so she shouldnt blame herself and you shouldnt blame yourself for not having stopped her.All you can do is be a good mate-if she wants to talk talk but the best you can do is try to get things back to normal and get on with her life through this unfornate thing.cheese xx
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Postby saz » Wed Feb 04, 2004 8:06 am

People do regret things the morning after drinking a lot unfortunately. Maybe in future you should promise to stick together and not drink because it can lead to these difficult situations.

She cant turn the clock back but can make sure that things are different in the future. Waiting for someone special to be intimate with and just moving on from what has happened. She doesn't have anything to be ashamed of and the best thing you can do is just be there for her, reassure her that she is still the same person. Everyone makes mistakes in their lives and all you can do is accept them and move on.

Hopefully they had safe sex because this could be what is bothering her so much - maybe you could ask her. She is also probably thinking that people are going to be talking about her but reassure her that people will be talking about something else very soon and it will all be forgotten.

Good luck i hope she is ok.
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Postby Llisa » Wed Feb 04, 2004 8:13 pm

That's really too bad.

There's something though that you could say to encourage her. Did you know it is possible to have a second virginity? Not technically speaking of course, but hypothetically. She knows that she'll never get her 'first time' back again, but she can make a promise to herself about a 'new virginity'.

The new virginity basically states that she won't give herself away again, until it's someone truly special, someone she really loves, and to someone who really loves her back. Ideally, her husband.

I know she didn't mean for this time to happen, so might think 'what's the use? It could happen again'. But know she knows to be a little more careful when she gets little 'tipsy'.

At any cost, let your friend know that you are there for her no matter what. I hope that everything works out ok for her. Cheers luv.
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The wait for that perfect someone may be long and painful, but the payoff lasts even longer, and is the most painless thing in the world.
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Postby Nicki-claire » Thu Feb 05, 2004 6:18 pm

yeah this party was what the whole school was talking about on monday and everything that happened at it. This is what made her abit down. But she seems better now, cause its old news. Yeah ive told her im there for her if she ever wants to talk and she seemed gratefull for this. Shes told me as likes this guy in our year and i know he likes her to. Hes a great guy and will treat her right and wont push her into sleeping with him just beacause shes not a virgin. I think shes coming to except that she cant change it and to just get on with her life.
Thanks for everyones advice, its helped and i hope im a better friend now.
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