So lonely and isolated

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So lonely and isolated

Postby woopdecker » Sat May 01, 2004 11:09 pm

I don't what i'm doing here really, i don't know what i'm doing anywhere.

Nearly 4 years, 4 years i've been like this, ppl dont care anymore, i've bottled all this up for so long because of what people think of me. Attention?! ATTENTION?! i'm sick to death of my mates, they think i'm doing it for attention, i'm SO not, they wonder why i don't talk to them about things. :x

I hate this, i hate me, i cnt do anything right. I just cant do anything anymore, i feel so ****, i'm sorry bout all the stars, but i just cant do this anymore.

No one believe me, no one's there for me anymore, i've mucked EVERYTHING up for myself.

I just wanna die, the pills are SCREAMING out to me to be taken, i was going to do it last night, i dont know why i didnt, i just dont know. I'm such a mess right now, schools is getting me so down, i rele wish i never went to that particular one, i should have gone where i wanted to go.

My past is walking around, i see it everyday, i cant get it back agen, i've lost it forever, the happiest part of my past, and i loose it. I hate myself so much, i wish i would die, the bad part of my past if beating up my mates, i feel guilty, i'm sick to death of it. I cant do this anymore, i feel so down, i had a mjor major panic attack on thursday, to the point where i literally couldnt move, and i am not exagerating, i had nothing left in me to move, i'm in such a state, my head is a mess, i dont know what to do.

I cant do this life anymore, i hate myself, and what people think of me, i always think people are talking about me behind my back, cus they are, and i know i shudnt care, but i do care about what other people think of me.

I got hammerd two nights in a row cus i just wanted to get rid of my problems, it helped me sleep, as i havent been sleeping that well lately, or eating, i'm eating less and less, i feel really ill, and i get panic attacks. I'm mentally and physically exhausted, i think my school work is being effected to.

I hate it, i cnt deal with anymore, and no one thinks this is for real, no one knows what i feel like, cus for the simple fact that they think i do it for attention.

sorry it's long, i just feel so useless, down, alone, upset,angry,hatefull,depressed,suicidle,isolated. anything else?

:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

Edited for profanity by smile.
some people never listen. Others never try, with eyes and ears shut tight.. the world just passes them by.
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Postby Charmed » Sun May 02, 2004 3:17 am

Please don't kill yourself... I know you're going to get quite a few replys like this but I know how you feel. Your post made me cry as I felt I could relate to it so much. But trust me... destiny holds so much good for you in the future, if you die you wont live to see it. And your mates who think you are just attention seeking don't matter. Your opinion is everything and matters the most. Noone else can tell you how you are feeling. I think that maybe you should consider councelling. I'm not going to tell you to stop feeling so depressed or to put on a smile. I'm just saying let it all out and cry your heart out. Punch your pillow with all your strength. I'm positive you can get through this. People do care. I know I care so please just don't give up. If you have msn and want to talk then I'm here for you.

Post edited by Enigma on 02 May 2004: contact details are available in profiles.
I've already waited too long, and all my hope gone.
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Postby woopdecker » Sun May 02, 2004 12:03 pm

you see, thats what gets me the most, cus the people that do think i attention seek are ment to be my best mates!!!!! :evil:
I've thought about councelling, but i dont know if i want my mum or family to find out
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Postby Charmed » Sun May 02, 2004 1:01 pm

You shouldn't fear telling your parents. They do care about you and want to help you get through life. When you're really depressed it seems to be your mates that always get you down. The solution? They are not your realy friends. You will find some that will care and believe in you. Councelling is a good idea, your parents don't even have to know, if you really wanted you can get councelling without telling them anything about it. Everything inside that room is confidential. It's just a place to let all your emotions out and talk to someone who believes in what you are going through.
Hope its goes well. XX
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Postby smile » Sun May 02, 2004 3:15 pm

Hi hun,

It sounds like you are feeling really down at the moment. I know that it's hard to look to the future when you're feeling like this but you could set yourself an aim. What do you really want to do when you are older? Travel the world? Get married and settle down? Get a certain job? Write a book? Think of something that you really want to do and aim for it.

Forget what everyone else thinks. If your friends think you are attention seeking then that is their problem. Do this for yourself, prove to them that you can get out of this rut that you have gotten yourself into.

I think you need to see a councillor so that they can help you to get through this. It is very hard to get through something like this on your own but it can be done. If you tell your Mum or your family you will have so much support behind you. When I saw a therapist all of my family offered support and even some came to the meetings but only if I wanted. This helped because you work together as a family. You can try and tackle things together and help each other through this.

As soon as you see light at the end of the tunnel you will feel so much better I promise. I remember when you posted on here a while ago and said that you hadn't harmed yourself for about 4 weeks. Now that was fantastic and I bet you felt great! You can still feel great though, you just need to work at it a bit. I know it's hard to get going but once you do, things will fall into place.

Here if you ever need a chat,

Smile x x x
When you reach for the stars, you may not quite get them, but you won't come up with a handful of mud either.

Just remember to keep smiling!
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Postby woopdecker » Sun May 02, 2004 5:28 pm

I've been thinking about seeing a counsellor, but i rele dont see the point, it's like no one can help me anymore, i've let people help me in the past, but they didnt do anything. once agaion it's my past experiance stopping me from being happier. The thoughts of things is just too much for me, i cant go on anymore :cry: i miss my old mates so much, i miss having the happy life i had then, with one less weight off my shoulder, i actually looked forward to going to school then. But now i wake up in the morning, and i sink back into my bed at the thought of school, the mates i hang around with now, what they think of me, what happend last time with them. I just miss what i lost, and the worst part of it, i know it was my fault, i blame myself everyday for loosing what i had, i'll never get it back agen, i wish i could. but no, me being me just goes and messes things up all the time.

I dont know what i want to do for the future, the only thing i can think about is suicide, i cant even say it, i can type it fine, it scares me to think i'm so out of control over myself and my actions. This feeling is so strong, i cant get rid of it, i've never been this tempted, i rele dont know anything anymore. I've tried, i rele have, but i have no strength left.
:cry:
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Postby angela » Mon May 03, 2004 12:28 am

hi woodpecker, you sound exactly the way i did 14years ago . please dont do as i did ,i took that next step that you are deliberating about (60 paracetamol and other things i dont want to go into).lucky for me my mum found me. i started to see a counciller and found myself telling her everything i had going on in my head.my family didn't know what was discused as everything was confidential. it took 6months to finally realise there was apoint to living, but i wouldnt be writing this to you now if it wasn't for the support of my family and my friend,the counciller! i'm 31 now and am happily married with 2 children, life is great! please please talk to someone ,someone you dont already know, who wont judge you like your so called friends do! i did! love angelax
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Postby lizzie.s. » Mon May 03, 2004 10:01 am

hell, i know i am not the best person to be posting here cos i am one of her "so called mates" and it seems with good reason. I do care, alot of us do, but its hard. we all have our own problems to deal with aswell, and ok, maybe most of us dont have it as bad as you seem to, but we try hard to help and find whats wrong etc. You dont make things especially easy for us to help you, but i agree with theothers, get counselling, it will give you unbias help which we cant give no matter how much we care. I know i havnt been the best of people, but i have a hell of alot to deal with at the moment, and i know my post in feb was stupid, but it was what i thought at the time, i know different now. sorry
it makes you think doesn't it?
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Postby woopdecker » Mon May 03, 2004 7:10 pm

lizzie,
it's hard for me to talk to you lot after past experiances, not just with you. Like you did in feb, i posted on here because i felt i didnt have anyone else to go to, as it doesnt feel like you lot want to know, maybe you do, i dont know, maybe i'm just too wrapped up to notice, i dont know anymore, but all i know is i'm sick of living. You have got alot going on, another reason i havent told you. Maybe you do try hard to find out, it's just when i feel like i do, i push people away, for the simple fact that i dont want to loose them, you know what i've bin through with another person and lost them because of all this, you really think i want that to happen agen?

Back to the point of this post, thanks angela, i know what i have to do, i know i need help, badly, but i just dont think i can do this, i rele feel like a lost cause. I cant help but think about suicide, it's the only thing on my mind, there's other things goin on to, which i cannot post on here as obviously people i know read it. But it's messin me up big time. But like i sed, i dont know weather i can go through councelling again, i've been there before, and it seemed like a waste of time, cus i'm still here, talking about an od. Another thing...i'm SO paranoid!! i was in the cinemas earlier, and some girls started laughing, and i couldnt help but try and hide cus it felt like they were laughing at me...like i'm a laughing stock, cus i feel like one.I'm a waste of time and a waste of space, and as someone once said to me, i don't deserve to live, and you know. I think they're right.
some people never listen. Others never try, with eyes and ears shut tight.. the world just passes them by.
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Postby oh_lawdy » Wed Feb 16, 2005 11:29 pm

hun.. a squeezy hug for u!!! and then... look im not being rude.. but i think ur a bit self absorbed!! just chill out ..listen to some music..watch some tv!! AND PLEASE PLEASE DONT KILL URSELF!!

Edited by silver tree for text lingo
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Postby silver tree » Thu Feb 17, 2005 10:10 am

Hi oh_lawdy

Welcome to PP and thanks for taking your time to post advice on here to Woopdecker. However, here at PP we tend to discourage against bringing up old topics (as you can see Woopdecker posted this last year) as the poster may have long since resolved their problem or may no longer visit the site. Also, bringing up old topics makes newer topics with more recent problems slip further down the page.

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