What else can i do?

[*Kizzzz*]

Hey,

About a year and a half ago i became ill, it turned out to be some kind of virus (i never actually got told which i had caught) but it left me very run down, i kept getting throat infection after throat infection and also with a bad stomach. This obviously affected my school attendance as i was off for a good while or being sent home. It gradually got worse where i was afraid to go to school just incase i was ill there... i would start panicking in lessons when i started to feel like i would be ill which after time lead to me having panik attacks. I tried my best to go as much as i could but it just got worse.. i was having panick attacks each day. It really didnt help when i asked to go out the room or go to the nurse an people would start whispering to eachother or shouting out about how i always have to go and asking loads of questions. This obviously made me worse and after time i couldnt even face going into the rooms, i would either cry or have a panick attack. This led to me never wanting to leave the house in the morning as i knew what the day would be like and in the end hardly attended school.
I've been seeing a type of counciler for a few months now but i'm still feeling the same. I know these things take time and i accept that but i just find it really hard to cope with as it affects my daily life aswel, especially going out and meeting new people.
I'm ment to be focusing on getting a job now and my parents keep pushing me to do this but how can i go out there and do that when i'm not good around new people? I cant even travel far on public transport on my own.

Having all this happen meant i missed out on alot of coursework an it has turned out that i'm not doing my gcse's. So now i'm left with no gcse's and not being able to get out and go places or do much independintly.

I don't actually see what advice you could give back to this... but i suppose this is just somewhere i can just get it off my chest without people knowing me as i usually dont like to talk about this with people i know.

I used to be the type of girl who was always out there meeting new people and now i just have no self confidence and i'm just afraid of the panick attacks coming back as i just stopped doing everything that could cause them as i hate them so much!

if theres any advice anyone could give to this then its all welcome. Or if anyone has any other ideas of what i could do to help myself an try get my old life back
Thanks xx

[kenty]

hi xxx

i was exactly like that in school, making myself so ill that i had to be taken out early, with no GCSE's under my belt.

you should stick with the councellor, and maybe to catch up on GCSE's get a home course???? maybe just until you're ready to go out in the big wide world.

personally i got taken out of school nearly 6 yrs ago now n i still havent got over my problem, i was too scared of the councellor to go etc. but i'm taking a long distance writig course, and maybe when i feel i can cope i'll get out there.

just be strong n realise these ppl outside arent a threat to you (easy for a recluse like me to say huh?)

i wish you good luck and hope you manage to get over your problem.

[*Kizzzz*]

thanks for the reply and advice

ive got another appointment with my councellor soon, sometimes i find it hard to go though either if im feeling sick or something (i'm still not totally right from that virus) as i'll just get dead nervous in there.

I've been told i can do home courses but i just don't know what i want to do yet ive been so focused on the other stuff i just havent sat down to think about it properly.

Also just had a phonecall from the connexions lady i see now and then and shes got me a day in a local hairdressers, dont know how i will be there but i suppose i have to start somewhere going to be one huge step for me to do but im willing to give it a go... if i still feel this way at the time i do not know, but i shall try and stay positive!

i'm guessing this is a problem i too will be living with for a good while to come some days i do feel like just giving up but i manage to drag maself through after a good cry or something

[smile]

Hey,

It's scary how much of our stories fit. I was out of school continously from the end of year nine, most of year ten and for some of year eleven due to having panic attacks in the morning like you did. It got to the stage where I wasn't going out at all in fear of running into people who I went to school with. I mean these people were my friends but I was still scared to run into them because I was afraid of all of the questions that I would be asked.

Like you I saw a Connexions advisor and was seeing a counsellor on a regular basis. To be honest I think it takes a few months or so with a counsellor until you start to see a change, it never happens overnight. Even so, with the help of people around me I slowly gained the confidence to go back to school. It definitely wasn't easy and even after I was back there were still days where I wouldn't go in because I felt too nervous in the morning. I finished the sessions with the counsellor after my GCSEs and got a job during the summer. That gave me an enormous amount of confidence and now I'm at college, somewhere where I though I would no longer be. I haven't had a panic attack in over a year and a half.

What I'm trying to say to you is that if you make the right changes in your life now I can guarantee that you won't be having panic attacks in the near future. It can all be about confidence, you say that you are worried about meeting new people, well subconsciously this is probably making you even more panicky in the morning. You've got to bite the bullet so to speak and tackle your worries head on. I know it sounds scary now but once you do it a few times you will be so surprised as to how much more confidence you feel.

I think you should definitely go for the day in the local hairdressers! That sounds like a really positive step and could do wonders for your confidence. You do say though that if you feel this way when you come to go then you don't know if you will go. Well I used to use that phrase all the time and it was an easy way out when I didn't want to be at school becasue I was so worried.

It's easy to say 'oh I feel the same today as I did yesterday so why bother' but if you really put that little bit of effort in then you'll come home genuinely happy that you have achieved something. One way to make yourself go is not to give yourself an option. So basicly if you tell someone who will be with you that morning before you go to the hairdressers, that you have to go and if you decide that you can't go then that person won't take no for an answer. It worked for me because my parents got used to me not going to school but with this new technique we convinced ourselves that it wasn't an option not to go to school and they wouldn't hear of me not going. It's a technique that works quite well so you should definitely try it with your Mum or someone who will be around that morning.

But you can get through this, you just have to stay positive and don't give up!

I have plenty more techniques etc. so if you want feel free to PM me because I have an understanding of what you're going through.

Take care,

Smile

[*Kizzzz*]

Thanks again for your reply and advice.

It's great to know i'm not the only one here and you actually understand what i'm going through. With the few friends that do know about my problems they don't totally understand so sometimes it's just useless talking to them though i know they do want to try and help.

I will get pushed to that hairdressers, i know my mum won't let me back down from it which is good, i need them extra pushes or i know i would probably just give in though it really isnt the right thing to do. I have to go up there with my mum in june sometime (date hasnt been set yet) and first just to see what i will be doing there, if i don't feel comfy i don't have to go through with it, but i will push myself. It also helps that my mum knows the owner, though i havent seen for for a few years she did kind of know me when i was little so i know how understanding she will be.

After that if it all goes well i think there going to try do the same but as a waitress in the local pub.
There isnt much choice of stuff to do around here without having to use some form of transport which ive not yet managed to do. I can get on a bus by myself from where i live to the next village but that only because i know i'm on at that stop and off at the next and its literally 4 minutes down the road. Not yet managed to do into town because thats 20 mins with no way of getting off if i do panick an i'm alone.

I never quite got that confidence to go back to school.... i attended 1-2 lessons a day which i knew i would be more ok with as i was with friends who totally knew what was up with me. The other classes i had no-one...all my friends were put in seperate groups so i found it so much harder to get back into there... i tried alot of times but got nowhere an in the end i just couldn't do it. It took ages to start seeing my counsellor, was on an 8 week waiting list and when i fineally got to see him there was no point focusing on the school point of things but to try an sort me out for afterwards an with work.

I know this is all going to take time, I've put up with it for just over a year now so if i've managed to get through this far then i'm determind to see it though.

It's feeling good to fineally let all of this out properly

Thankyou for being so much help, i shall probably PM you sometime for some techniques. thankyou again xx

[BlueRayman]

Ello

I know alot of people with no GCSE's that have far better jobs than alot of people i know that went to uni! GSCE's are imortant, but there not the most important thing by a long stretch!
Who you are is far more important, been a nice friendly, hard working person will do far more for you than GCSE's.

A thing that helps me deal with the feeling you get that everbody is watching you or that something might go wrong is that "I don't care" I don't care wot these people think of me. Like with this hairdressers thing you've got coming up. Thats sounds really good try taking in some cakes or even better a box of chocolates on your first day, be polite ask questions if your unsure of what to do and smile! that'll get you through most of it and if anythnig (which i doubt) does go wrong - who cares don't worry about it, its not a life or death situation regardless of how much it may feel like it.

It sounds liek what ever the infection you had was, it was serious and to get through it must of been a hard thing to do, you were a strong person before and you wre a strong person to get through it. Its just gonna take a bit of time and help to find that strengh again.

Have you though of taking up something like a martial art, something liek tai chi which helps your body and mind deal with stress and its very relaxing. You don't have to take classes you can learn if from books and dvds, and its really fun. It not a thing you can be "bad" at and theres no grades.

Hope atleast a little of that makes sense
---Ray

[*Kizzzz*]

Thanks ray!

I haven't actually thought about taking up any martial arts or anything but now you've suggested it i dont see the harm in trying it. It also sounds like something that would be quite fun to do. I could try a class, maybe suggest it to a friend but i know i wouldnt go alone. If not the dvd's an books could be alot better...maybe cheaper 2 lol

I know it would be good if i could just say "i dont care" and i dont care what people think of me....but i do. I cant help it, i'm just really self conscience about what people think, i always have been really. Maybe i should try working on that one to.

all the advice so far has been amazing and its really helping me, keep it coming if you can please, thankyou x

[BlueRayman]

It's just gonna take time and doing something that will build your confidence will help, the good thing about tai chi is that you can't be bad at it and it's really physically healthy without been straining as well as chilling you out and helping to control stress, and with pratice is becomes a VERY powerfull martial from the self defence point of view as well.

[*Kizzzz*]

Do you know of any good dvds of tai chi that are worth buying? If not i'll just randomly pick one