My Older boyfriend

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My Older boyfriend

Postby shanua » Mon Dec 05, 2005 10:28 pm

I have met an older guy online and I really want to meet him for real.

Problem is im only 14 and hes in his 30's but we get on so well its unreal. We have been chatting and texting and calling each other for months and I know 100% that he is not using me or has no intention of using or abusing me.

I have asked him to meet but he is afraid to because of the laws about Under 16's. So i was wondering if neone knows if it is against the law for us to meet in somewhere public like a shopping mall, we dont intend to kiss or make out or anything like that just to meet and go for lunch and be with one another.

I know that if anything sexual happens then he would be in trouble but we will not be doing that. I have searched everyhwere to try and find out if it is ok to meet for lunch but cant find nething on the net.

Can neone help with either an answer or even a link to a website or contact that might be able to answer my question.
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Postby Liquidius » Mon Dec 05, 2005 11:00 pm

Its not illegal, but sounds dangerous. To be honest, and without sounding patronising, because I dont mean to be, why should a 30 year old man be interested in a 14 year old? I know you get on well, but I wouldnt go. Not on your own.
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Postby shanua » Mon Dec 05, 2005 11:24 pm

Thank u for replying, I know what u mean about the age difference but I know there is something between us and I am not talking sexual. We can talk for hours about lots of things and get on so well.

I take ur point about it being a little dangerous but I am quite sensible and mature for my age and trust me I wouldnt go if I thought I would be in danger.

U also said it wasn't illegal are u sure about that? I would hate myself foreva if he got in bother for meeting me for something as innocent as lunch.
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Postby lilessexgal » Mon Dec 05, 2005 11:31 pm

hmmmmm i still think it sounds dangerous. im am not for a second saying this man has not got just good intentions on treating nicely etc BUT you still dont know because you have never met him.

he could be up to something you dont know about. it sounds risky.
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Postby dark_talon » Mon Dec 05, 2005 11:49 pm

I am also pretty sure its not against the law as such, but it probably wouldn't look very good on him if for example an adult who knew you or him spotted you together. Other people might not understand that its completely innocent. People's actions can sometimes be determined on how others react to them.
How long exactly have you been in contact with this man? You may think you know him, but people can be deceiving. I don't think a few months is long enough to be able to judge whether this man has honest intentions. Even the best judges of character can sometimes get it wrong. I am probably wrong, and I hope I am. But please, if you do meet him, take someone with you. It doesn't have to be an adult, perhaps a close friend or a sibling?
Its not appropiate for a 30 something year old man to be meeting with a girl of 14. Like Liquidius said why would a 30 year old man want to just hang around with a 14 year old. It doesn't sound right to me, be very wary. Its so easy to believe who someone is when you are talking to them on the internet or even on the phone. But when it comes to interacting face to face, its a completely different matter.

Sorry for going on! Be careful, whatever you decide xxx
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Postby shanua » Mon Dec 05, 2005 11:52 pm

And thats why we are gonna meet (and stay at all times) in public areas.

It's not that hes gonna drag me out, trust me he is really sweet. I just don't think it's fair that we can't meet up even for lunch and to shop
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Postby peecee » Tue Dec 06, 2005 12:15 am

Hi, sweetie.

What do YOU expect/want to result from this friendship?

If your friend is afraid, why do you think that is?

I accept that you may be a very mature young woman; I have some exceptionally lovely young friends on PP, very aware and probably more astute than I am - yet, they don't have the same life experience that I have, as I'm several years older than they are. We have completely different outlooks on life, and that's great - we still get on well. I think we have a lot to share with each other. But we're going to stay virtual friends, and that's the end of it!!

But you're talking about meeting this bloke - and then what??? Will he want to be your hand-holding buddy for a couple of years, will you want the same? I don't think so.

Darling, be honest with yourself - what do YOU want?

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Postby shanua » Tue Dec 06, 2005 12:26 am

The reason why he is afraid is because of my age, he is a decent law abiding guy who wont do anything to break the law. I also dont want him to do that. Thats why I asked if simply meeting was illegal.

As for what i want yes longer term I would like us to become closer but for now all we both want to be able to say hello and not feel like hes going get arrested for doing just that and nothing more.

If I was 18 no one would blink an eyelid if there was almost 20 years between us, I just hate being 14. Seems everyone is wantiing us to fail. Life sucks.
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Postby Brown_Eyed_Girl » Tue Dec 06, 2005 9:47 am

I can't see why meeting in a public place is illegal. Though I do think you should be carefull, too.

Sure, you're mature, and I was at 14, but I changed a hell of a by the time I was at 16. Still matured more; life's experiences and all that. It may not feel that way but a couple years down the line you may be different and want different things. Youth goes too quickly as it is, don't spend it wishing you were older, you've plenty of time yet.

By all means meet him, in a public area, with somebody but never on your own or places where nobody can see you..

He might genuinely be worried about you both getting into trouble. But he could also be making it appear that way..

I hope whatever your decision all goes well. Just be wary.
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Postby Moose » Tue Dec 06, 2005 1:27 pm

Listen to Peecee, she is talking sense. It might seem okay to you now, but things are totally different in real life to how they are on the net. Of course you CAN go and meet this guy, go shopping, have lunch or whatever, but people are strongly advising you against it - and it's not because everyone wants you to fail. It's quite the opposite.

It's a romantic idea to think that you'll meet this guy and it will all be okay, but come on. I'm not against age gap relationships - I've never been out with someone my own age - but this is making alarm bells ring very loudly to me.

Something to think about though - what advice would you give a close friend or little sister if they were in your position?
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Postby umistgirl » Tue Dec 06, 2005 2:21 pm

I met my fiance online so I am not going to lecture about the dangers of meeting people online because I'd be a hypocrite. HOWEVER I have a sneaking suspicion that meeting you for lunch MAY be deemed to be illegal. If i remember correctly the govermnent brought in a law about 'grooming', which is basically the 'pursual' of underage people online. Its meant to stop peadophiles BEFORE they meet and possibly harm their target. I also think it has a 'real world' implication in that any adult deemed to be 'grooming' or 'pursuing' a target in real life can be prosecuted by the police.

I may totally be wrong but I think grooming is now illegal. And however innocent it seems to you and him you run the risk of others thinking that he is grooming.
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Postby gatekeeper » Tue Dec 06, 2005 2:32 pm

umistgirl, if you're right, I'd suggest shanua bring another friend along, preferably someone 18 or 19. Maybe he'd like to bring another friend along too.

But I'd seriously ask you to re-consider, he may be a great and decent bloke but it'll be quite inappropriate for a 30 plus man to be meeting a 14 year old, someone he met online.
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Postby LICKLELEA » Tue Dec 06, 2005 4:35 pm

First things first you've called him 'your older boyfriend' so that gives me a suspicion straight away. You say that its all 'innocent' but I'm not sure if you are thinking he is just a friend.

People tend to say what they think you want them to say online - and I can sense that something isn't quite right.

I think unmistgirl is right. He may be trying to 'groom' you, using your age as a weapon against you.

I would say to you please don't go but I tink you will go anyway, please make sure you are safe and take a friend with you. I hope you haven't got in too deep with this man as he may not be the person you think he is. Good Luck whatever you decide but be careful and stay safe.
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Postby JennaXXX » Tue Dec 06, 2005 4:53 pm

Hun you can never be too careful when it comes to meeting guys off the internet. I am worried for you.A 30 year old man shouldnt have so much interest in a 14 year old. You are still a child however mature you might be.
If you are intent on meeting him then whatever you do, do not go alone. Take someone older with you. That way if he is genuine then he wont mind.
I dont mean to sound patronizing but 14 is a difficult age. I remember I felt very vunerable and lonely and the internet can be great as you can meet people who you form a strong bond with very quickly. But the dangers are that you dont know this man. You only know what he tells you.
Please be safe and dont do anything silly.
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Postby fairy of darkness » Tue Dec 06, 2005 4:55 pm

Hunni i agree with everyone else, this doesn't sound safe, and if you are going to meet him despite what we say PLEASE bring a friend with you, i'm 14 myself and have found myself getting a little involved with older guys, the oldest being 20, but i never let anything happen because i knew the age gap would be to much as i had a completely different look on life to him, he was at university, i was at high school. So please listen to what all of us are saying, can you really see yourself having a serious relationship with this man?
I mean he will have experience in relationships,sex,careers,everything! Whilst us teenagers still have so much to learn, i know sometimes it sucks being young, but hey i am and i'm making the most of it!

Hope i helped, tell us what you decide to do, all the best

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