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scared of sex

PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 5:22 pm
by waspie
Alot of me and my friends are waiting for the right time to have sex, and as much as everyone says "you do it when your ready" there will always be pressure on teens to do it as soon as possible. But i am really scared about it hurting and stuff. I know all the right precautions and I am ver relaxed about my body. But Im really scared about the feeling of down below. What if i die a virgin? aaah help.

PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 6:12 pm
by chosenfew
who cares if you die a virgin?? your friends? coz if they do they aint good friends to be honest. there is alot of pressure on kids to loose it as son as but i was one of two in my year to be a virgin till i was 19 and everyone in the end used to say they were proud of me and glad i was still i virgin. i only lost it three months ago and im really glad i waited for the right person and it didnt hurt that much coz i knew i was with someone i really liked and i wasnt just doing it for the sake of others.

PostPosted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:10 pm
by froo
it does not always hurt or bleed, in fact many people i know including myself didn't feel a thing (well, bad things, i mean lol)

PostPosted: Wed Aug 16, 2006 11:43 am
by lilessexgal
it doesnt always hurt....but sometimes it does....thats a fact.

but if you lose it to someone you love and feel comfortable with it wont matter so much.

like people have said it will happen when you are ready whether its next week or 10 years time.

it doesnt matter when people lose their virginity.

Im scared also

PostPosted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 3:29 am
by hana.15
Im incredably scared of whats going to happen, i am very insecure of my body, my thights are big and im a bit chubby. Im scared of it hurting. Will a boy not want to have sex with me if i dont shave?? Where would the best place to do it be?? Is it going to last a long time or will it be short??

I know who i want to lose it to. Because i love him so much, but i dont think he is interested in me. He is not the type who goes out just for sex, he is still a virgin and he is almost 17. Of course i havnt told him i want to lose it to him, but he knows i like him.

Im really scared and worried, because knowing my luck i will be pregnant the first time i do it.

Also how do i tell my mum when i have lost it??? How do i even approch the subject with her. ???

Im really worried
Hannah x

PostPosted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 3:55 pm
by snail
OK, Hannah, first of stop worrying! It's really not that bad :)

I'll deal with your points one by one:

You say, knowing your luck you'll get pregnant the first time you do it. Well, for a start, it's not that easy to get pregnant. You would, of course, use contraception - I hope you would know never to do it without that.

If it's your first time, the best and easiest thing to use is a condom. This will protect you against pregnancy and sexually-transmitted diseases, and you can buy them privately anywhere. Later on, once you are in a steady relationship with someone you know well, you may be able to try something like the Pill, but this is only possible if you both know you are not carrying anything.

Please, please, don't let a boy persuade you to have sex without the condom, no matter what he tells you. If he's even trying to persuade you to do this, then he's not worth bothering with and doesn't care about you.

You say you're insecure about your body. Well, I seriously doubt your thighs ARE chubby - most 15-year-olds have great bodies - but even if they are I really don't think this will be anything to worry about. Choose someone you like and who likes you, and who you know is kind and decent, and he will be pleased to be with you. Plus, I can tell you for certain, he won't be worrying about your thighs, he'll be too busy worrying what YOU think of HIM.

I don't think I would worry about shaving at the moment - you're far too young. I don't think any boy you sleep with will expect that from you at your age. Being shaved or unshaved won't make him not want to sleep with you - most men have a preference one way or the other, but they don't care that much, it's the woman they are with that they are interested in, and they will accept whatever she does.

Regarding sex hurting, well sex is usually a bit painful the first time for a girl. This is one reason you really need to do it with someone you like and trust. But it's not excruciating - remember that is what that bit of you was designed for! You might want to get yourself some lubricant, as this will help.

I'm afraid I can't say how long it will last, that will depend on the situation. I would expect it to be over fairly quickly, as the boy will probably be so excited to be with you.

Again, it's hard to say where the best place to do it is as it depends on your situation, but you need privacy, and plenty of time.

And telling your mum, well, you don't have to tell her at all if you don't want to. If you do, then I would tell her BEFORE you do it, not after. Can you say you want to have a chat about sex, because you are thinking about it? If you have a good relationship with her, then she can give you the best advice.

This boy you like, Jake, you mentioned him in another thread. I don't know either of you of course, but on the face of it he doesn't seem like the right person. It sounds like he isn't really interested in you, but occasionally does little things (like texting you) to keep you hanging on. Knowing you like him so much probably boosts his ego, and this is why he does it. I think after 5 years, if something was going to happen, it probably would have done by now. To be honest, if he's nearly 17 then that's quite a difference at you age, so he may just be too old for you.

Whatever you decide, try to remember that there is NO RUSH. You have years and years and years ahead of you to do all the things you want to with boys. Lots of people don't lose their virginity until they are much older than you. You don't seem ready for sex at the moment, so I would wait a while if you can.

PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 11:01 am
by Bel Bel
all snail advice is exactly what I would have said too

PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 11:13 am
by dipsydoodlenoodle
I think snail got it all in there.

Re: scared of sex

PostPosted: Sun Nov 30, 2008 11:40 am
by Aligator
snail probaly has lots of stuff which is better than wot i'm about to say but nm. There realy is no right time until you know that the right person is ready and so r u. A friend of mine first had sex at 13 but then regreted it after because his girl frien dumped him and he realy liked her, after tat he didn't go out with any1 for six years so...wot im trying to say is make sure he is the right guy for u.

Re: scared of sex

PostPosted: Sat Jan 10, 2009 10:15 pm
by DaisyLacey
I lost my virginity at 17 with the man i am still with to this day. For me, sex is a way of expressin your love for somebody and although the first time isn't going to be the 'best' time, as long as it's with the right person - you have nothing to be afraid of. The pain isn't 'unbearable', it's just something you wont be used to but it's absolutely nothing to be afraid of. Like i said, wait until your with the right person and use contraception. It'll be fine

Re: scared of sex

PostPosted: Thu Jan 15, 2009 10:26 pm
by Aligator
exactly :)

Re: scared of sex

PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2009 10:02 pm
by spacegirl
I remember being very curious, and quite apprehensive about sex when i was your age, but i'm so glad i waited until i was a bit older. I think the phrase "you'll know when your ready" really means waiting until you're in a loving relationship with someone you really care for and trust, especially for your first time. Everyone worries about things like whether it's gonna hurt, or about shaving etc. and especially what the other person will think of their your body, but if you'e with someone who really cares for you they won't even notice that stuff. They'll notice your body, but they'll love it. They will also be more impatient and understanding when it comes to contraception, eg if you have to wait to go on the pill or bu condoms or whatever.

It did hurt me a little, but it was just a sharp pang lasting less than a second and that's it. nothing to be afraid of :)

As for waspie's comment "what if i die a virgin?"

that's very unlikely!!! you have plenty of years ahead of you to find someone you really like so what's the rush?

Re: scared of sex

PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 11:09 pm
by lil lady soph
its normal to be scared of sex, i was too. all my friends around me were talking about it and i just didnt feel ready. you have to make sure your ready and it does have to be with someone you trust and feel comfortable with. i made my partner wait until i was 17 until i had sex (i met him when i was 16) and he understood, and were still together now years later planning our first baby.
all im saying is when you get to the age that you are at now you stop holding hands and kissing on the cheek and you start to have sexual urges.
if i was you i would now stop seeing the immature boys that roam schools who brag about sex ect and go for someone who you think is mature enough to understand you and your feeling regarding this, (they dont have to be older just more mature then regular high school 'boys').
having sex is a adult commitment to eachother, make sure that the person you 'do it' with is a adult and not a immature child, otherwise he might try to pressure you into it. make sure they understand from 'the beggining' that nothing is happening until you are ready too.



Re: scared of sex

PostPosted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 9:32 pm
by lydznjess
please dont be scared of sex im not but i do believe in sex after marrige this is my personal veiw and i feel that u should create your own but believe me wen i say dont let your friends change your veiws my friends tried to set me up with someone for a one night stand after i felt dirty even though i hadnt done anything it didnt feel right so please dont rush anything xx

Re: scared of sex

PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 7:42 pm
by Sebastian
It does not matter if you die a virgin? Who Cares? No one thats who! :D
It is scary, for men and woman, although it doesnt hurt a man, it may hurt the woman.
At the opening of the Vagina, they hymen, is a thin layer of skin that protects the Vagina. When the man inserts his Penis, he will break this, if it isnt broken already. this is what causes the pain. In most girls its already broken by the time they come to have sex, it gets broken from riding a bike, playing sports, or using tampons.
When I had sex for the 1st time with my 1st girlfriend, We took it very slowly, as the girl is usually very nervous about the pain, and the man is very nervous about "performing" This can make the woman very tense, and she will not produce a natural lubricant. Which will cause sex to hurt. You need to relax more, and if your not comfortable, dont carry on [-X Also, remember to use condoms, and pilss if the girl can get them, as extra precautions. The condom will have lubricant anyway, but sometimes this is not enough, as the vaginal wall has never had a penis inside so it needs to stretch.
Anyway girls or guys, if there is anything wrong about this. Just yell at me :D
Hope it goes well, and I hope you find the right guy, and time.