Babies

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Who are babies more associated with

Mother
11
79%
Father
0
No votes
Equal
3
21%
 
Total votes : 14

Babies

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jan 27, 2009 11:49 am

Just a quick question for peoples thoughts...

I always regard a baby as being more associated with the mam than the dad. My bf's sister and my friend have both recently had babies...and I somehow don't think I'd have been so excited if they were the men having the babies...

What do other people think? Would you be more excited to see a baby if it was from e.g. your sister or your brother?
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Re: Babies

Postby rufio89 » Tue Jan 27, 2009 11:57 am

I associate them more with the mother. Though I always think its specially nice when you see Dads playing with their kids.

I'd be more excited for one of my sisters to have a baby than one of my brothers for that reason - the baby is more connected to the mother in my eyes, and I am therefore more likely to see it often.

It's different being a Dad - not saying its not very very important, as it is, but men could walk around and have kids they dont know about (I could have a niece or a nephew and not know), whereas my sisters would have to be pretttttty stupid not to realise they'd had a baby.
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Re: Babies

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Jan 28, 2009 3:34 pm

My brother is the most amazing dad, better than the mum is, so i never thought of it before. Generally it's the mother who does most of the care giving and thats why i think that association is with the mother more
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Re: Babies

Postby HappyGoLucky » Wed Mar 04, 2009 3:42 pm

I voted Mother. Maybe it's because she's the one who does more of the looking after and all.
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Re: Babies

Postby peecee » Tue Mar 10, 2009 5:49 pm

Dipsydoll, I can't vote on this one! :D

I have one sister and three (horrible :D ) brothers. Sis and I don't have any children. Our mum (departed) always thought that her daughters having babies would mean more to her than her daughters-in-law having babies, and I understand what she meant. Our mum adored babies, and she thought her girlies would involve her more than her d-i-l. But of course, our mum absolutely worshipped our brothers' babies as they appeared - in their hundreds...

And my sister and I adore those growing-up children now, including the latest 6-month old baby.

I understand your question, and I do believe the mother has much more contact and input, I've been an au pair and seen the way the father completely copped out. But my three brothers have completely involved themselves in the upbringing of their brats. The boys haven't said that they go to work, so mummy has to change nappies etc., they've knuckled down and enjoyed their children.

Sooooo, me darling, I've rambled on inconclusively - what I think is, mummies are best, but daddies are wonderful too! :D

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Re: Babies

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed Mar 11, 2009 10:00 am

peecee wrote:Sooooo, me darling, I've rambled on inconclusively - what I think is, mummies are best, but daddies are wonderful too!


Of course dads are wonderful too.
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Re: Babies

Postby brfc » Fri Mar 27, 2009 8:48 am

glad u said dads are wonderfull as my little boy seems to think i am lol
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Re: Babies

Postby RagDoll » Thu Apr 23, 2009 2:54 pm

I think that I associate babies with their Mothers more than their Fathers. Having said that, my Pops is fantastic and I actually get on better with him than my Mum. When I was little I was the apple of his eye; but in fairness to my Mum she probably saw me being a little horror more often than my Dad!!

If I'm entirely honest, though I love them equally, I have more time and respect for my Dad.
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Re: Babies

Postby ILoveChristmas » Fri Jul 10, 2009 9:14 am

My son is definately more outwardly attached to his mum than he is to me.

I say outwardly because I think the mother/child relationshis is always a bit different to the father/child relationship. I try hard to a good dad and I know that Adam loves me very much and hopefully enjoys seeing me, but he's always excited to get home to his mum. Having said that, he's always excited about seeing me while i'm at work etc too.

I think though that there's a maternal link between the mother and the child that a father can't compete with. In my opinion though it's not about competing with it, it's about complimenting it. As i've said, the relationships are a bit different.

Trying not to move topic if possible, but Adam was breastfed when he was a baby. I think breastfeeding is great, it's free, it's convenient, it's always there, it's healthy etc, but it does build a bond between mother and baby that doesn't exist so much in bottle fed babies. With bottle feeding (and shared responsibility between parents) the baby doesn't need to develop this sense of "I need mum, she's my dinner" quite so much and it gives the father the chance to feel like they're really part of the baby's needs.

Of course not all fathers want or appreciate that, but it is something I missed. Why not express breast milk? Because Adam was so used to breast feeding that he would never really take milk from a bottle.

I'm pro-breastfeeding by the way, just in case anyone gets the wrong end of the stick :)
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Re: Babies

Postby rufio89 » Fri Jul 10, 2009 9:22 am

I absolutely love how devoted you are to your son ilovechristmas. I think if all kids had Dads like you, they'd have a lot fewer problems.
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Re: Babies

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:11 am

i agree ruth, hats off to ilovechritmas, you are a great roll model for your son =D>

My daughters dad is useless. Even now she is an older teenager he puts her down and is constantly critical. Never praising her. I have tired so hard to get them to have a good realtionship. Something so may men would love of their ex's. Too many people use their kids as weapons.
I know she is my kid so I am baised but she is a very good student, has two part time jobs and is a very nice well mannered child. Don't get me wrong she isn't perfect, who is?, but her dad just expects too much from her and doesn't see what a wonderful child he has. It's very sad. Worse she knows he feels like this and his constant critsing does affect her self esteem

Thats why i agree with ilovechristmas it's about a compliment of mother and father to give the child the maximum chance to be happy and stable

And i am not suggesting single parents don't do a good job as i have been one myself but it is optimum for a child to have both the mother and the father in their life if at all possible
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Re: Babies

Postby snail » Fri Jul 10, 2009 6:14 pm

To be honest, Bel Bel, judging from the way you've said your daughter's dad treated you when you fell pregnant and once you had a young child, he's got a damn cheek expecting his daughter to be perfect, when he was so far from it himself!

I wonder, actually - is it possible he has this attitude towards her because it deflects his guilt about his own behaviour? The reason I say that is, one thing I have realised through my counselling is that my own father took little interest in seeing me after I moved out of home because he felt bad about his own behaviour as a parent. It was easier to blame me. He took the "My children never see me, they are so neglectful and selfish" line rather than face the painful truth, "My children don't want to see me, they are not close to me because I wasn't a very good parent, and I don't want to see them, because it reminds me of that".

In a similar way, your ex could be finding fault with his daughter because, if he can convince himself that she isn't a particularly wonderful child, it makes his bad treatment of her seem less of a waste, and less of a betrayal.
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Re: Babies

Postby Bel Bel » Sat Jul 11, 2009 11:45 pm

Unfortunately he has gone on to have two more kids (the wife got pregnant without his consent) and he is just the same with them and they are only 5 and 2
He is just self absorbed
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Re: Babies

Postby captainf » Wed Jul 15, 2009 10:25 pm

Its hard for me to say. I'm closer to my mum but only because mum and dad broke up when I was a few weeks old. We all lived in the same town for 16yrs but I lived with my mum, nan and grandad and only saw dad about twice a year. Then we moved away and since then I see my dad more than I ever did. I normally visit him every few weeks and normally stay at his for about a week or so on each visit. He is good to me but we arent as close as me and mum are I guess. I still have a good time with him though.
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Re: Babies

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jul 21, 2009 3:36 pm

ILoveChristmas wrote:Trying not to move topic if possible


You move it if you want to hehe.
Bel Bel wrote:daughters dad is useless. Even now she is an older teenager he puts her down and is constantly critical. Never praising her.


That is the way my dad is with me, he does praise occasionally. He did tell me "I'm disappointed you didn't go on to do a doctorate", "I'm disappointed you didn't become a pilot", "your teeth aren't white enough", "you have spots, you don't wash your face properly" etc. It's always like this, always has been, always will be...
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