Friend with benefits - Right or wrong?

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Re: Friend with benefits - Right or wrong?

Postby Skarlet » Sun Jun 21, 2009 4:11 pm

Hi CaptainFlynn

I thought that I might be, just wanted clarification.

Thanks for answering my questions.

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Re: Friend with benefits - Right or wrong?

Postby captainf » Sun Jun 21, 2009 8:01 pm

No problem. I hope that cleared up some of the confusion. :)
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Re: Friend with benefits - Right or wrong?

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon Jun 22, 2009 10:03 am

captain_flynn wrote:I'd just like more clarification on this..

but I don't think people should be judged as that's not what defines them as a person.


So what must someone be judged on?


Why do people need to be judged? I've never had a friends with benefits but I don't think it's wrong, if the people involved are both happy with the situation then it has nothing to do with anyone else - it's the same principle as a 19 year old marrying an 80 year old...we don't necessarily agree with it, but so long as they are happy.

I have a friend who was in a relationship with her bf for 8 years, they broke up a couple of years ago; I'd met up with her and she said "do you think I'm wrong for having a load of one night stands, because I don't, I'm happy, I'm having fun and I'm not over stepping any of my boundaries"...so I said "so long as she wasn't over stepping any of her boundaries then I didn't see it being a problem". I don't think I have rights to say it's right or wrong. It is soley for the two people in the relationship to decide if it is right or wrong.
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Re: Friend with benefits - Right or wrong?

Postby RagDoll » Mon Jun 22, 2009 10:28 am

Hmmm interesting thread!

I'm kinda somewhere in the middle with this subject. Firstly, I think what people do is up to them - I'm not judgemental and as long as it doesn't affect anyone else, I believe it's up to the individuals involved what they do and don't do (or who they do and don't do, haha, sorry!).

I do agree with some of Captain's opinions though - I think sex should be meaningful and that society can paint a bit of a warped picture about it. I don't, however, think people are immoral for having one night stands etc., that's up to them, but it's personally not for me. I just couldn't be that intimate with someone I didn't know.

I think the other point that hasn't really been mentioned here is the fact that everyone has a very basic physical need/desire for sex. I have to admit that when I've been single I have had sex with my ex, but I guess I don't see that as friends with benefits thing as it's something else all together - you've already had sex with them for a start. As long as both people involved know what the score is, it doesn't have to get complicated.
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Re: Friend with benefits - Right or wrong?

Postby captainf » Mon Jun 22, 2009 4:05 pm

Why do people need to be judged?


Because everyone does it. You have to make judgement on people regardless to whether you want to or not. You had to judge your boyfriend on whether he was suitable to you or not.. you made judgements on whether you could be friends with your friends or not..etc Nobody can say they dont judge because everyone does.. we have to make judgements about certain things.

Remember the topic about the thin girls? Alot of judging went on there.. ;)

I think the other point that hasn't really been mentioned here is the fact that everyone has a very basic physical need/desire for sex.


This is true however what you've also forgotten to mention is will power. I havent had sex for 2yrs and i'm absolutely fine about it. If you have will power then you can pretty much stop yourself from doing anything.
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Re: Friend with benefits - Right or wrong?

Postby RagDoll » Mon Jun 22, 2009 4:15 pm

I think there's a fundamental difference between making a judgement on something though e.g. whether you want someone to be your boyfriend or whatever, than being judgemental. Being judgemental usually involves being critical.

I agree re: will power, but some people don't see the need to stop themselves as you do. They're happy to have sex outside of a relationship and that's up to them and doesn't make them bad people.
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Re: Friend with benefits - Right or wrong?

Postby rufio89 » Mon Jun 22, 2009 4:17 pm

I think the other point that hasn't really been mentioned here is the fact that everyone has a very basic physical need/desire for sex.


This is true however what you've also forgotten to mention is will power. I havent had sex for 2yrs and i'm absolutely fine about it. If you have will power then you can pretty much stop yourself from doing anything.


Yes, but if you don't see sex the way you do, then you wouldnt see any reason for "having the willpower" to not do it.
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Re: Friend with benefits - Right or wrong?

Postby Skarlet » Mon Jun 22, 2009 4:18 pm

Just because we do judge people, doesn't mean we should. The world would be a better place if people didn't judge others.
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Re: Friend with benefits - Right or wrong?

Postby captainf » Mon Jun 22, 2009 4:27 pm

rufio89 wrote:
I think the other point that hasn't really been mentioned here is the fact that everyone has a very basic physical need/desire for sex.


This is true however what you've also forgotten to mention is will power. I havent had sex for 2yrs and i'm absolutely fine about it. If you have will power then you can pretty much stop yourself from doing anything.


Yes, but if you don't see sex the way you do, then you wouldnt see any reason for "having the willpower" to not do it.


Congratulations, I think thats probably the first post you've made where I actually agree with you rufio. However, theres nothing wrong with having will power, it can help you refrain from making mistakes.

Just because we do judge people, doesn't mean we should. The world would be a better place if people didn't judge others.


My point exactly, everyone does it. Even those who made certain comments towards me in this topic have judged me on my views on this and in actual fact its quite funny because ive been giving good advice here for a while, yet people here have said I shouldnt judge those who have had friends with benefits (and they maybe right) however they then ruin their own point by judging me despite the fact that ive been giving good advice here for quite a few years.. inwhich case becomes a pot calling the kettle black situation.
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Re: Friend with benefits - Right or wrong?

Postby RagDoll » Mon Jun 22, 2009 4:32 pm

I don't agree. I think people are mostly saying "each to their own" - you're entitled to your views, as they are entitled to their opposing views. They're not judging you, they just don't agree with what you're saying.

The difference is, you're preaching what's right and wrong and saying people are wrong to live their lives in a different way to yourself. It's all about having respect for other peoples' opinions.
Last edited by RagDoll on Mon Jun 22, 2009 4:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Friend with benefits - Right or wrong?

Postby rufio89 » Mon Jun 22, 2009 4:33 pm

But we're not "judging" you. We're disagreeing with your opinion, which is totally different.

oh and
Congratulations, I think thats probably the first post you've made where I actually agree with you rufio


I dont know how you meant that, but I think it comes across to be incredibly condescending. I hope you didnt mean it that way.
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Re: Friend with benefits - Right or wrong?

Postby Skarlet » Mon Jun 22, 2009 4:38 pm

I am sorry if you feel I have judged you in that way, although I didn't agree with you, I had tried to phrase everything in a positive way.

Alot of your advice is good CaptainFlynn, and I think PPers would miss you if you weren't around. I haven't said that your advice is bad or misinformed, and you offer a different viewpoint to what I might give- that doesn't make either of us right- just different. which is a good thing. .
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Re: Friend with benefits - Right or wrong?

Postby captainf » Mon Jun 22, 2009 4:46 pm

Alicat, I have to say that I have had absolutely no problems with you in this topic. Your replies have been clearly constructed and I can understand what you are saying. You havent judged me.

One point I can pick out off the top of my head was being called closed minded. Of course I did agree with it (and stated at times I can be arrogant) but it was a judgement none the less by someone who says I shouldnt judge. I find that quite ironic and its hard to take it so seriously when someone manages to contradict themselves in their own reply.

I'm not preaching anything. I said I think its wrong and immoral, yes, thats what I believe. If you dont like it then thats absolutely fine but you have to accept that I have a completely different value for sex. If you want to sleep around with different people, feel free, I couldnt care less. If someone told me they had 7 partners they had sex with, all were boyfriends I dont see a problem with it.

So finally, continue the discussion, but dont consistently nit pick at things im saying and twist it round to your own meaning.
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Re: Friend with benefits - Right or wrong?

Postby captainf » Mon Jun 22, 2009 4:49 pm

rufio89 wrote:But we're not "judging" you. We're disagreeing with your opinion, which is totally different.

oh and
Congratulations, I think thats probably the first post you've made where I actually agree with you rufio


I dont know how you meant that, but I think it comes across to be incredibly condescending. I hope you didnt mean it that way.


Unfortunately that was its intent, rufio.
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Re: Friend with benefits - Right or wrong?

Postby rufio89 » Mon Jun 22, 2009 4:51 pm

I think it's completely unnecessary to talk to me, or anyone, that way.

Shockingly enough I dont spend my time thinking of things to say that you'll agree with my opinion on.
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