How long before engagement/marriage

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How long before engagement/marriage

Postby RagDoll » Fri Jul 10, 2009 12:04 pm

Hi all,

As a lot of my friends and colleagues seem to be getting engaged or married at the moment, I was just curious to know what everyone thinks is an appropriate/sensible amount of time to be in a relationship with someone before you get engaged and ultimately married?

I know it depends on the individuals involved and the relationship, but I would be interested to hear your views...
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Re: How long before engagement/marriage

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Jul 10, 2009 12:13 pm

engagment doesn't really matter but i think you should be together 5 years and have lived together at least two
This way your can be as sure as you can be that you have given it enough time and you can save up for a great wedding
You're meant to be doing it once and for life so why rush and have a cheapskate wedding when you can wait longer and have the wedding you really want
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Re: How long before engagement/marriage

Postby RagDoll » Fri Jul 10, 2009 2:14 pm

Hmm I'm of the opinion that long engagements aren't a great thing - lots of people seem to get engaged these days like it's just a 'next step' in their relationship as opposed to being engaged to get married (hence missing the point). As such, engagements don't seem to mean as much anymore. When I get engaged, I want to be arranging the wedding pretty soon afterwards.

I think five years is ample time - I think I'd say less than that if you're really sure about someone, but that's just my opinion.
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Re: How long before engagement/marriage

Postby captainf » Fri Jul 10, 2009 3:01 pm

Depends on the people involved and the relationship.
However I do think its worth having been together for a few years and lived together too.
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Re: How long before engagement/marriage

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Jul 10, 2009 3:17 pm

I definately agree engagement should be a precursor to getting married and infact when getting engaged it is atthat point a date for the wedding should be set. However I still think plenty of time to save for the ultimate wedding is best. Don't scrimp on your wedding day as your only suppossed to have one. And after all your planning to be with that person forever so and extra year to get your dream wedding is worth the wait
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Re: How long before engagement/marriage

Postby captainf » Sun Jul 12, 2009 2:52 am

My mum and dad got engaged not long before I was born. A few months after I was born they broke up.
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Re: How long before engagement/marriage

Postby snail » Sun Jul 12, 2009 11:11 am

Sorry to hear that, Captain, that sounds sad :(
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Re: How long before engagement/marriage

Postby captainf » Sun Jul 12, 2009 3:10 pm

Its okay. It was for the best for them and I still visit my dad whenever I want.
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Re: How long before engagement/marriage

Postby RagDoll » Tue Jul 14, 2009 12:06 pm

I want my boyfriend to propose to me lol, but it's probably too soon!!
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Re: How long before engagement/marriage

Postby ennis81 » Tue Jul 14, 2009 12:36 pm

How long are you with ur BF ragdoll? I was engaged to my daughters dad when I was younger seems so funny now that I was going to marry him
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Re: How long before engagement/marriage

Postby RagDoll » Tue Jul 14, 2009 12:59 pm

Very nearly two years - we've been living with each other for the last year. I know a lot of people will probably think that's too soon to get engaged (and you might be right!) but we get on so well and I've never felt this way about somebody before! I'm probably also a tad jealous of all my friends getting engaged/married as well though, I have to admit.

I take it you're glad you didn't marry him in the end Ennis?
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Re: How long before engagement/marriage

Postby captainf » Tue Jul 14, 2009 3:01 pm

Dont rush it. Try seeing if your relationship last 5yrs or so and then think about it. My mum and dad was together for about 3yrs and engaged, the year before I was born mum had a miscarriage which I think caused stress on their relationship, I was born on 12 june of 1984 (the miscarriage was June 14th 1983) and a few months after I came along my mum and dad broke up and still dont really talk.. so before you rush into engagement and marriage be with eachother for a few more years and make sure you're properly settled before making the bigger commitment otherwise it could be quite emotional and messy.
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Re: How long before engagement/marriage

Postby ennis81 » Tue Jul 14, 2009 3:03 pm

Em thats a tough question, we were together from when we were about 18, had our daugher at age 20, and then it all went horriblely wrong :cry:
I still see him all the time and we've both moved on, but sometimes I really wish it had worked out for us, in a way I do think we were meant for each other in another way I don't, I still miss him 3 years later and sometimes doubt if I'll ever love anybody as much as I loved him. Sad story :wink:

I think 2 yrs is long enough, how old are you? Never compare with ur friends hun, Its only a bit of paper, whats really important is how happy u are with him, u've got that right so everything else will follow
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Re: How long before engagement/marriage

Postby RagDoll » Tue Jul 14, 2009 3:13 pm

Ennis that is sad :( Sorry to hear it didn't work out. I thought the way you phrased your other post meant that you considered it a good thing, so sorry I mis-interpreted what you said!

I'm 24 and my boyfriend is 27. Yeh, I know, you're right. It's not that I think I have to do what my friends do or anything, it's just nice to see them finally tie the knot, get engaged and so forth and I just feel ready for that commitment too. Not for marriage just yet, but certainly to get engaged and start planning a wedding (when you consider how long it actually takes we'd probably have been together at least 3 and half years by the time you actually walk down the aisle!!!).

Anyway, I'm not going to ask my boyfriend and I don't want to rush him, so I will just be patient and wait :)
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Re: How long before engagement/marriage

Postby ennis81 » Tue Jul 14, 2009 3:23 pm

Sad but true hun,(still have my engagment ring), was probably too young to see the repercussions at the time, it can't be helped now, too much water under the bridge, its a very big regret in my life that I didn't work harder at our relationship :(

I know 2 different couples who were together 10yrs and got married early this year and both couples have broken up now, murder going on, houses been put up sale etc etc....think a lot of people just do it cause they think its the next step to take, that and people keep saying "when are you goin to get married???" (you know the whole bridget jones thing) your with someone a while so you HAVE TO GET MARRIED!!! Makes me laugh, way too many people rush into it.
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