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New Relationships - How much contact should you be in?

PostPosted: Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:10 am
by rufio89
Hi All,

This isnt a problem, so it's in Chit Chat, but I was wondering what other people think.

How much do you think you should be in contact with someone if you're in a new relationship (on a day where you're not going to see them).

For the entire time we together, my ex texted me to say good morning when he got up, and to say goodnight when he went to bed, and a few (to a few-dozen) throughout the day to say hey and see what I'm upto. I know we had our problems, but that was one of the things that I really liked about our relationship.


The new guy, while he's lovely and attentive when I'm with him, hardly ever texts me. I mentioned it to him and he says he doesnt have the time when he's at work, which is fair enough because I know he does work really hard, but he was off yesterday and I only got 2 texts from him, lol. I know I'm being crazy, it's just because it's something I got used to and I need to adjust to it not being like that anymore, and we spend a lot of time together.


How often do YOU like to hear from people?

If I'm honest I think I'm a bit OTT about it. I think I'd quite like someone to text me about once an hour, all day, everyday, haha. :oops:

Re: New Relationships - How much contact should you be in?

PostPosted: Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:35 am
by dipsydoodlenoodle
I get about 20-40 texts a day from my boyfriend. I did in the beginning and I do now; althought I do get a bit less now.

If I meet my bf I get about 10 texts about him getting up, waiting for the bus, still waiting for the bus, on the bus, walking to the meeting place etc.

On a Friday I normally always go to his but it's around 4.30pm so I get lots of texts before that.

Maybe mention texting on his days off to him again. What happens if you send more than one text? Have you tried to send more - not like obessive amounts but two or so in between his texts?

Re: New Relationships - How much contact should you be in?

PostPosted: Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:41 am
by rufio89
Im still kinda trying to pretend I'm a bit cool.

I texted him last night and he didnt reply, so I'm stubbornly not texting him today because I want him to text me first. But he's at work so he wont text me for HOURS yet.

I think he's just rubbish at texting people. He told me that he just forgets mid-text what he's doing or gets bored. He said the other day, he was sat there thinking "why didnt Ruth reply to my text?????" and he said he was getting a bit grumpy about it, and then he realised he'd left it half-written as a draft.

I thought about asking him if he could maybe text me more when he's free, but I dont want it to be something he HAS to do. I'd rather hear from him less, but it's because he WANTS to talk to me. He does want to spend basically all the time he's not at work with me, so I cant really complain.

Re: New Relationships - How much contact should you be in?

PostPosted: Tue Aug 25, 2009 11:00 am
by dipsydoodlenoodle
He could text before he goes to work...

Re: New Relationships - How much contact should you be in?

PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 8:11 am
by rufio89
I didnt hear from him at ALL yesterday. Not happy. :(

Re: New Relationships - How much contact should you be in?

PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 8:22 am
by dipsydoodlenoodle
Did you get in touch with him?

The guy I sit with at work when he first startedd going out with his gf hadn't heard from her all day and he said "I don't want to text her as I texted last, last night"....I said if he liked her to text - there is no harm; if she replies then it's a bouns. He was worried about coming across too strong or coming across too clingy or whatever; it has paid of for him though :).

Re: New Relationships - How much contact should you be in?

PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 8:27 am
by rufio89
I texted him last on Monday night, and it was a text that would warrant a reply as well, so I was being stubborn most of the day and not texting him.

Then in the evening I went out with some of his friends (because I was trying to make an effort to get to know them) and one of them said he was going to join us when he'd finished work, so I thought "fair enough, he knew he was gonna see me tonight so he's not bothered texting me". He usually finishes work at 1030ish on weekdays, but by 11 he'd still not texted me (or the others) so I sent him a text saying "are you coming out tonight still? x". and he didnt reply. We all stayed out until about 1 and he never turned up.

I'm a little bit worried, I hope he's ok. But mostly I'm p-d off that he's not bothered to get in touch.

Re: New Relationships - How much contact should you be in?

PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 8:31 am
by dipsydoodlenoodle
I was going to say get in touch again but I don't know what that would do since he isn't answering. Can you call him instead, so at least you get an instant reply?

Re: New Relationships - How much contact should you be in?

PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 8:34 am
by rufio89
I actually (this is more than slightly crazy btw) tried to call him, with the intention of pretending it was by accident and just letting it ring once, so I could see if his phone was on (it was off last night when I tried to call), but it was still off.

I'm a little bit worried. I'll text his housemate later on to check he's ok.

Re: New Relationships - How much contact should you be in?

PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 8:37 am
by dipsydoodlenoodle
Maybe his battery died and he couldn't get in touch with anyone, and didn't want to come at meet you where you said you'd be in case you had moved?

Re: New Relationships - How much contact should you be in?

PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 8:40 am
by rufio89
Maybe. Im actually a little bit worried the more I think about it, because I lent him a phone because his was a bit knackered, and it was fully charged when i gave it to him Sunday night, and it's got an amazing battery life on it (because its a rubbish phone) and it should last him the week. I hope he's ok.

Re: New Relationships - How much contact should you be in?

PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 8:44 am
by Skarlet
Could it be that he didn't have signal when you tried to call? or he has turned it off and forgotten to put it back on??

Re: New Relationships - How much contact should you be in?

PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 8:46 am
by dipsydoodlenoodle
It should but for example if it's a camera phone and he's been taking lots of photos or playing with it or texting/calling a lot or playing the games a lot then the battery won't last so long. It also depends if you used to switch it off at night and he leaves it on; it reduces the phones power loads. Also if he's been fiddling with it and left blue tooth on - it would run it down quicker. My bf always used to leave bluetooth switched on; I said it will run your battery down - he assured me I was wrong. I said well since you don't need it do you mind if I turn it off...a few days later he agreed I was right as his phone hadn't died and normally it needed charging every day.

Re: New Relationships - How much contact should you be in?

PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 1:10 pm
by Bel Bel
Yes i think you need to slow down a bit

It was only a couple of weeks ago you were thinking of getting back with your ex.

You don't want to be getting too heavily involved with someone so soon as you haven't really got over your ex. I thought you were only looking for a bit of fun right now?

Re: New Relationships - How much contact should you be in?

PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 1:48 pm
by m_m
I have removed this post due to identity issues, I hope that is not a problem x