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Light at the end of the tunnel.

PostPosted: Fri Jul 02, 2010 10:46 am
by rufio89
Hello All,

I just thought I'd post a positive post today :)

I was thinking back to this time last year: I was an absolute mess about splitting up with my boyfriend, in the stage where I never thought I'd be happy again, my job was in trouble and I was having problems with my housemate, and I was really at an all-time low I think.

A year on, and I'm in a FAR more healthy relationship, I've never been happier with anyone, I have a good job that I love, I'm living somewhere much nicer and my life is generally better.

I wouldnt say I'm exactly tip-top, I'm still quite stressed out, but if I think back to the same time last year, I dont think I'd even recognise myself now :)

Re: Light at the end of the tunnel.

PostPosted: Fri Jul 02, 2010 10:58 am
by ILoveChristmas
Good for you Rufio :D

Now, share your secret! [-o<

Re: Light at the end of the tunnel.

PostPosted: Fri Jul 02, 2010 12:32 pm
by Skarlet
I was going to post a very similar thread!

I am really pleased things are working out for you now Rufio. :D

Re: Light at the end of the tunnel.

PostPosted: Fri Jul 02, 2010 12:52 pm
by Bel Bel
Happy PPers
Lets have a party to celebrate
Pee you bring the ice cream and Snail can bring the chocolate

We need someone to bring alcohol? Any offers

Heres my contribution

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_vFlFtMFVyfY/R ... pcakes.jpg
I'll have that small one on the top :P

Re: Light at the end of the tunnel.

PostPosted: Fri Jul 02, 2010 1:17 pm
by whoopsie
I'll bring the party games :)

Pop up Pirate
Pin the Tail on the donkey
Twister

Re: Light at the end of the tunnel.

PostPosted: Fri Jul 02, 2010 1:18 pm
by ILoveChristmas

Re: Light at the end of the tunnel.

PostPosted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 1:50 pm
by spacegirl
that is so great to hear!! it just shows that when you are feeling down that there always is light at the end of the tunnel as you say, you have to stay positive and everything falls into place. it's hard not to worry needlessly at times but it's great to hear when people are doing well for themselves hurray! more of these please!!!

Re: Light at the end of the tunnel.

PostPosted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 6:23 am
by brfc
Great too hear rufio. Also have i missed the party yet? I did notice the local freezer shop,s ice cream section was empty the other day so thought peecee must have been stocking up for something lol :D

Re: Light at the end of the tunnel.

PostPosted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 11:32 am
by rufio89
Also, I am happy today, my boyfriend and I have decided to move in together at the end of August. I'm very happy and excited about that, so if anyone has any words of wisdom to share, I would appreciate it. We're going to sit down this week and draw up a budget of how much we can afford on various things, and also write a list of what things we want in our new house so we can make sure we're looking at the right places :)

Re: Light at the end of the tunnel.

PostPosted: Tue Jul 06, 2010 11:42 am
by RagDoll
Lovely to hear you're doing so well Rufio :D

Re: moving in together my tips would be:

* Make time for your friends and family - don't live in each others pockets too much
* If you're buying - choose very carefully! I feel trapped in a neighbourhood I hate at the moment because we're struggling to sell. If you can't afford to buy in an ok area, wait until you can and rent for now (sorry if that's not relevant to you)
* Make sure you can both comfortably afford it before you move in - if you can't, it'll end up causing tension and arguments
* Discuss your boundaries - you've probably already done this to some extent, but discuss what is and isn't going to be acceptable to you when you're living with him
* Accept that living together is difficult at times and it'll take a while to establish some sort of routine/lifestyle where you're both happy
* Compromise!

Think that's it for now :)

Re: Light at the end of the tunnel.

PostPosted: Tue Jul 06, 2010 12:41 pm
by rufio89
Thanks Ragdoll. In response to your points:

* If you're buying - choose very carefully! I feel trapped in a neighbourhood I hate at the moment because we're struggling to sell. If you can't afford to buy in an ok area, wait until you can and rent for now (sorry if that's not relevant to you)
We're not buying. We both do want to buy a house, but we dont have the funds for it right now, and I'd also like to live together for at least a year before we bought, I think it takes about a year of living with someone to really know what they're like to live with. As for the area for renting, we're thinking hard about it. We have an area we ideally want to live in, but I doubt we'll be able to as we probably cant afford it. We both know Nottingham pretty well, I dont think he's as bothered about the area as I am, but I need to feel safe walking home at night.

* Make sure you can both comfortably afford it before you move in - if you can't, it'll end up causing tension and arguments
This is our next step, we are drawing up a budget. He's just got a payrise, so that will make things easier :)

* Discuss your boundaries - you've probably already done this to some extent, but discuss what is and isn't going to be acceptable to you when you're living with him
* Accept that living together is difficult at times and it'll take a while to establish some sort of routine/lifestyle where you're both happy
* Compromise!

I put all these together.
This is the bit I'm most worried about. I know that if somethings bothering me I'll just say right away, but he doesnt like to cause conflict so he just stays quiet, but I have said to him that I think it would be a good idea if we both think about the sorts of things that might bother us about the other if we are living together and if it's something that the other person can reasonably change then we should discuss it, and if not, we should think on our own about how we could not let it bother us so much (ie. I know it's going to bug me that he spends a lot of time watching sports or playing xbox, so I think I'll just have to make sure I have my own things to do, we've also said we should have a spare room with a TV so we dont need to argue over what to watch if he's watching sports)

Keep the advice coming guys! This is all new to me! I'm very excited, but I want to make sure I'm fully prepared for it. We spend basically all our time together at the moment, so I dont think it'll be too different in that sense, but I know it'll be very different when we cant 'go home'.

Re: Light at the end of the tunnel.

PostPosted: Tue Jul 06, 2010 12:58 pm
by RagDoll
rufio89 wrote:ie. I know it's going to bug me that he spends a lot of time watching sports or playing xbox, so I think I'll just have to make sure I have my own things to do, we've also said we should have a spare room with a TV so we dont need to argue over what to watch if he's watching sports


I think this is something HE might have to compromise on. Fair enough, if these are things he enjoys doing, he should be able to continue to do them, but he might not be able to do them quite as much when he lives with you as when he's on his own and basically able to please himself. My boyfriend likes playing on the xbox, but he tends to it (tho not always) at times when I'm busy/getting ready/otherwise occupied... but you'll probably just figure this out between you in time.

Re: Light at the end of the tunnel.

PostPosted: Thu Jul 08, 2010 11:25 am
by rufio89
Steps 1 and 2 are complete :)

Step 1: Tell my housemate that I'm moving out.
Step 2: Go through finances with my boyfriend to see how much we can afford. We can actually afford to live somewhere very nice quite comfortably, so that's nice :)

Ruth

Re: Light at the end of the tunnel.

PostPosted: Thu Jul 08, 2010 11:53 am
by whoopsie
Make sure you have a garden. Me and my boyfriend are really missing having one. We have a pathetic patch of grass outside our front door which leads straight to the road. I know it doesn't sound important but for us it really is, and maybe you too? Especially for us as we have cats and a child.

Re: Light at the end of the tunnel.

PostPosted: Thu Jul 08, 2010 12:18 pm
by rufio89
I REALLY want a garden, and my other half isnt fussed about it being a 'garden' so long as we have some outside space for BBQs etc.

My house criteria is:

I want 3 bedrooms - our room, a spare room and a sort of second living room.
I need a bath. I lived in a house with just a shower and didnt think I'd mind because I dont bath that often, but I HATED it.
A garden (but not too big as I'm too lazy to mow the lawn often)
A hall or porch, I hate coming straight into the living room.
A big kitchen.

There's plenty of affordable houses that fit our criteria, but since we cant move until the end of august, we're not going to look at any for a few weeks as we dont want to fall in love with somewhere and someone else takes it.