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Does career matter in relationships?

PostPosted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 11:11 am
by rufio89
Hello,

I had (what I thought was) an interesting discussion with some friends the other day and I wondered what anyone elses take on it was?

Basically, my friend was out shopping the other day and she was waiting for her bus home and got chatting to the driver and he asked her for her number. The conversation we had with her was: She said 'no' because she didnt want to go out with a bus driver.
My other friend was outraged that she'd turn down a perfectly nice guy just because of his profession and it turned into quite a heated discussion about whether that was a good reason to turn someone down or not.

I wondered what you guys thought?

Re: Does career matter in relationships?

PostPosted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 1:43 pm
by LemonJuice87
I think its just preference.

I always said I would never go out with a builder because of them been letchy and all the wolf whistleing etc etc................ look where that got me. I now co run a building company with Mr. LemonJuice hahaha. :lol: :lol:

Re: Does career matter in relationships?

PostPosted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 4:37 pm
by captainf
Interesting topic.
Personally I think that career doesnt matter. Im not really fussed what people work as because its a job and with the goverment and the economy your job can be gone within 5mins anyway.
However, I think that to some people it does matter because some jobs have a class or social status about them and some dont, which is ashame because everyone wants to be treated equally and unfortunately we're not. For example, it seems rare to see a woman whose running a company or equivalent, going out with or married to a guy on a checkout in asda. I suppose in a situation like that one would be earning alot and enjoying the high life and the other would be just earning enough to get by.

Sad really because all that really matters is the person, not the job. Afterall, not everyone is blessed with such opportunities of success.

Re: Does career matter in relationships?

PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2011 6:00 pm
by Jess1234
I don't think it matters at all. I think as long as you are dating a decent person, what their job is should be irrelevant!

Re: Does career matter in relationships?

PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2011 7:59 pm
by snail
You're assuming it's because of some concern about money or status. It's more likely to be because someone's chosen job can indicate basic incompatibility between you. For example, there are one or two jobs that would 100% rule someone out as a date to me (mostly those involving certain things to do with animals) because it would indicate that we saw some important things in very different ways.

Apart from those, while there is no other job that I would 100% dismiss someone because of, it would be one of the major things I would take into account. If a bus driver asked me out and it was clear driving was his chosen career, I would probably turn him down, like Rufio's friend. I'm happiest chatting about mycobacteria or monophyletic taxa - it's not likely we would have much in common or much to talk about. It would probably just waste both our time.

Re: Does career matter in relationships?

PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2011 8:14 pm
by rufio89
Her particular issue with it was that she's very ambitious, she's got a good job and is likely to get promoted to quite a high powered job soon. She's not much older than me and she's already been doing manangement for a few years, her promotion will take her to regional manager.

She earns a decent amount of money, and bus drivers dont. She said she didnt want to be in a relationship with such different aspirations and salary. It's easy to say money doesnt matter, but it's cited as the main cause of problems in relationships according to most surveys.

Re: Does career matter in relationships?

PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2011 9:24 pm
by captainf
So for your friend it is about money and status then? Ashame that shes quite arrogant and perhaps not getting that promotion would be a nice dose of reality for the young thing.

What interests me is why she feels that way about a bus driver? Its not mathematically, nor economically, possible for everyone to have a high flying ambitious job. Some jobs are very beneficial and go unnoticed. A bus driver isnt so bad, alot of people rely on buses to get to work - when the buses arent running due to snow people can be stuck at home for days. If there wasnt people picking up trash for a living we'd all have the plague. Some jobs dont have the 'wow' factor but they are often as important, or can be more important than the jobs that have a 'wow' factor to them.

Re: Does career matter in relationships?

PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2011 10:40 pm
by LME79
snail wrote:You're assuming it's because of some concern about money or status. It's more likely to be because someone's chosen job can indicate basic incompatibility between you. For example, there are one or two jobs that would 100% rule someone out as a date to me (mostly those involving certain things to do with animals) because it would indicate that we saw some important things in very different ways.

Apart from those, while there is no other job that I would 100% dismiss someone because of, it would be one of the major things I would take into account. If a bus driver asked me out and it was clear driving was his chosen career, I would probably turn him down, like Rufio's friend. I'm happiest chatting about mycobacteria or monophyletic taxa - it's not likely we would have much in common or much to talk about. It would probably just waste both our time.


What snail said. 100%.

Re: Does career matter in relationships?

PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2011 11:45 pm
by snail
captainf wrote:alot of people rely on buses to get to work - when the buses arent running due to snow people can be stuck at home for days.

Driving buses is absolutely crucial; they are a lifeline for many, many people. I should know, I'm one of them - I don't have a car. I really like all our local bus drivers, they're so helpful and friendly. But that doesn't mean they are suitable partners for me, or me for them. It isn't about how much value you place on a particular job, just about whether you are compatible as life partners.

Re: Does career matter in relationships?

PostPosted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 12:26 am
by captainf
I think you missed my point. I wasnt saying you should date a bus driver. I was saying that all this 'I cant go out with so-in-so because of their job' is unwarranted. Not specifically aimed at you, snail, its a general statement that arrogancy about ones profession relating to the sort of person they should date really is rubbish. I do understand things like what you say about you not going out with people who have certain jobs in the animal industry because of what you do, but with regards to rufio's friend not dating a bus driver because its not an ambitious enough job, well, thats just pathetic.

Re: Does career matter in relationships?

PostPosted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 10:59 am
by rufio89
How dare you say that she's "pathetic" and "arrogant"!!

A complete mismatch in ambition would be hugely important within a relationship, and would (and does) cause huge problems in most relationships. It's not like she has some fundamental dislike for bus drivers or thinks she's better than them she just thinks it would be a doomed relationship that she wouldnt want to enter into.

and a nice dose of reality??? She lives in the real world, she has worked INCREDIBLY hard to get to where she is. She's not been handed a job by her parents or in a role that anyone else has facilitated, she has worked very hard and proved that she is the best person for the job, and how dare you pass judgement like that on someone you know nothing about.

Re: Does career matter in relationships?

PostPosted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 12:07 pm
by ILoveChristmas
There are a great many levels on which people need to be matched before a relationship can flourish in the long term in my opinion. One of those is ambition, another is intelligence, another might be physical appearance and so on.

All are perfectly valid reasons to dismiss someone as a potential partner if it's important to the person in question, because it's one of the most personal decisions that can be made. Therefore it's complete madness for anyone to describe any other's decision process as arrogant or pathetic.

Nobody can deny that most jobs conjure up an impression of the person most likely to be doing it, and I suggest that most people who are asked to think of a bus driver don't automatically associate the job with great intellect. Ask someone to think of a Professor of Physics and i'm sure you'll agree the mental picture of the person is different.

I'm trying not to lose my point here, which is that any one person is absolutely entitled to decide not to go out with someone based on their job, why wouldn't they be? Rufio's friend has every right in the world to look for someone who shows her level of ambition to achieve success.

To me it's like saying she should go out with someone that looks like the back end of a badger because they're a lovely person. To some that might work, but for the vast majority there's a piece of the puzzle missing.

Re: Does career matter in relationships?

PostPosted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 12:14 pm
by earthchild
Its all about personal preference and what the individual wants in a partner however I can kind of see Captains point because I know someone who works as a bartender and his knowledge and intelligence level is above most other people including myself. His interests are astro psychics, quantem mechanics and ancient history but a potential partner would not know this if they cant look pass what he does for a living and for all they know they could be so compatible in other ways.
Just like the old saying goes, what we sometimes want is not always what we need or is best for us.

Re: Does career matter in relationships?

PostPosted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 12:26 pm
by snail
Yeah, of my last two boyfriends one was a writer - and then the next one was a gardener. You do have to keep an open mind, because people are often doing jobs as temporary things. If it's a career though, it will give you some idea about their personality.

Whatever we feel about how we choose potential partners, one thing you must say for Rufio's friend - she told the guy up front and didn't mess him around. She could quite easily have had a date or two and/or slept with him, and generally used him to boost her ego while just wasting his time.

Re: Does career matter in relationships?

PostPosted: Sat Jan 08, 2011 2:38 am
by captainf
rufio89 wrote:How dare you say that she's "pathetic" and "arrogant"!!

A complete mismatch in ambition would be hugely important within a relationship, and would (and does) cause huge problems in most relationships. It's not like she has some fundamental dislike for bus drivers or thinks she's better than them she just thinks it would be a doomed relationship that she wouldnt want to enter into.

and a nice dose of reality??? She lives in the real world, she has worked INCREDIBLY hard to get to where she is. She's not been handed a job by her parents or in a role that anyone else has facilitated, she has worked very hard and proved that she is the best person for the job, and how dare you pass judgement like that on someone you know nothing about.


I said that the idea that she wont go out with a bus driver because it isnt ambitious enough is pathetic and it is arrogancy. You asked for peoples opinions, and in asking that in a forum you will get replies that wont necessarily like, accept it.
All credit to your friend for actually working for the job she has, but you asked for opinions on a subject you had discussed with her and I gave my opinion. :)

Regarding to relationships and ambition - its only as much of a problem as you are willing to make it. My girlfriend works in an office, its hardly flying a B747 from London to Sydney, but I dont care because its her that im interested in, not her job. She wants to go into teaching RE soon, and when she becomes a teacher my feelings for her will not change, I will love her as much as I do now. Shes a lovely woman and i'd feel that way even if she worked on a till in asda.

Earthchild has hit the nail on the head. Ones profession doesnt always define their intelligence.