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Flowers when someone dies - opinion please

PostPosted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 12:37 pm
by rufio89
Hi All,

My brother in law (my sister's partner)'s Mum passed away on Sunday night, completely out of the blue. She just went to bed as normal but when her husband went to wake her in the morning, she was already cold. Really sad, and really scary.

I was wondering if I should send some flowers to my BIL? He's very much a "mans man" and he's very private, so I wouldnt normally consider sending someone like him flowers, but i'd just like to send something as a gesture to show that I'm thinking of him. Normally I'd send a card, but he's not big on wordy things, so I think anything too sentimental would just annoy him?

If you could let me know what you think, I'd appreciate it. Obviously it's hard to answer without knowing him personally, but any opinion you can give would be great. I want to do something for my sister too (she's not a flowers person either), as she was quite close to his Mum, but obviously at the moment she's having to focus on being there for him.

Another concern I have with sending flowers is that I'm not sure they'll have a vase or anything (I know most delivered flowers will come in a bag so they can stay like that if needs be so it's not necessarily a problem), but I'm worried that maybe if neither of them are flowers people, that it might just be an extra thing they have to 'deal with'?

I have no idea really, I just feel like I have to do SOMETHING for them, but I cant do anything practical because they want to be on their own, or with his family (which is completely understandable). I just feel so sad for them, my sister (my half sister)'s Dad only passed away this summer and she's only just starting to deal with that.

Re: Flowers when someone dies - opinion please

PostPosted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 12:50 pm
by RagDoll
I think flowers would be a nice gesture. To be honest I wouldn't get too hung up on what you do, as you say, it's just a way to show them that you're thinking of them and care.

A card is the obvious alternative. It doesn't have to be anything too emotional/wordy/sentimental, you could just get them one without much of a verse and write nothing more than you are so sorry for their loss and they are in your thoughts?!

On a practical note, if you do go for flowers, I am pretty sure you can send flowers that do come with a vase. In fact, I am 99% sure I have received some like that myself before, so that might be worth looking into. I am sure some of the larger companies such as Interflora would do that.

Re: Flowers when someone dies - opinion please

PostPosted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 4:50 pm
by Bel Bel
Yes you can get them in a vase made from the film they get wrapped in
I think Asda do a good range that can be delivered but it might be worth shopping about

Re: Flowers when someone dies - opinion please

PostPosted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 6:47 pm
by highlandcow
That's really sad. :cry:

I think flowers are a nice idea Rufio. I'm sure they'll appreciate the gesture.

Re: Flowers when someone dies - opinion please

PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 7:58 pm
by peecee
Yes, flowers will always work at sad times, even with men/women who don't do touchy-feely.

And the card with them just needs to say "thinking of you, with love from Rufio". You can order them in plastic, in a vase, any way you can think of. But tbh, even if your sister/b-i-l don't have a single vase in the house, they will find a milk bottle or something. I know you want to save them every little effort, and good for you. But making them do the basics, like finding a jug, will give them something to do (you know, grieving people make/drink loads of cups of tea, and even though they don't want to?).

Honey, your instincts are good; in something like bereavement, you don't need to overthink things. Just do it, yes?


Re: Flowers when someone dies - opinion please

PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2012 12:46 pm
by rufio89
Thanks for the advice guys.

I was going to order some flowers but then at the last minute I remembered my sister gets really bad hayfever and thought the last thing she needs is for her eyes to get all swollen and itchy! So I bought them a card and just wrote 'thinking of you, I'm here if you need anything' in it, and I took them some snacky-food round (stuff that doesnt need any preparation or cooking).

He seems to be coping pretty well with it, he's had some good news in his personal life, so I think that's been really good timing to keep him going, but it's the funeral on Friday and I have a feeling that because it was so sudden and unexpected, things might get worse after the funeral because it will feel more real.