Jokes!

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Jokes!

Postby MelodyLinn » Sat Oct 25, 2003 8:23 am

Hiya all,

I've set this topic up for anyone to send a joke in. Just thought of the idea as joke always make people laugh, and smile. So anybody with good jokes out there - send them in please!

Thanks, now let's have a good old chuckle.

Love & Peace all,


Melody :D
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Postby MelodyLinn » Sat Oct 25, 2003 8:39 am

The blonde and the genie

There were 3 women stranded in the desert with nothing left to eat or drink. Two were brunettes and the other was blonde.

They had just about given up hope when one of them stumbled across a lamp. The brunette picked it up and rubbed. Surprise surprise, out popped a genie.

"You have three wishes and only three, one for each lady and then I disappear. Be careful what you wish for however, as you only have the once."

The first brunette rushed and said "I wish to be back at home." She vanished and the lamp was take by the second brunette "I also wish to be back at my home."

The blonde then looked around, scared. She grabbed the lamp and said "I'm lonely, I wish for my friends to be back with me!"
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Postby depman » Sat Oct 25, 2003 9:32 am

LOL made me smile

Heres one

A little boy and a little girl are playing then they start arguing over the toys They both want the big teddy
The boy says im better than you
And the girl says no Im better than you

The boy says well I have a toy car
The girl says thats nothing I have a big Barbie garage and I can put lots of cars in it

The boy says Well I have a TV
The girl says thats nothing I have a TV and a video

The boy says well I have a playstation
The girl says well I have a playstation 2

The boy says well my Dads a Lawyer
Thats nothing my dads a barrister

Well my dads got a porche
well my dads got a ferrari and a big boat

Well Ive got something you havent got
Whats that she said
the boy says Ive got one of these (pointing below)

The girl says thats nothing Ive got one of these and my mum says as long as Ive got one of these I can have as many of those as I like

:D :D :D :D :D
Glory Glory Tottenham Hotspur!
Glory Glory Tottenham Hotspur!
Glory Glory Tottenham Hotspur!
When the spurs go marching in

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Postby MelodyLinn » Sat Oct 25, 2003 9:45 am

Just rememberd another one!

The Men And The Magic Slide

One day three men stumbled accross a magical slide, A voice started speaking from the entrance of the shoot, it said:

"You three men are very lucky to have found me. You slide down me through this entrance and as you go, shout something you so desire. At the bottom, a large room will be filled with whatever it is you want and you can keep it for eternity. Now the first man please..."

The first man, carefully sat down and slid, shouting "Money" as he went. He landed as the slide said, in a room full of money of all values.

The second man then had his turn and when he shouted he landed at the bottom and landed in "gold".

Now this third man was really enthusiastic and was excited by the cheers and laughs of the other men. He ran, jumped and slid down just as the others did.

This time, however, on his way down the chute he yelled "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
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Postby smile » Sat Oct 25, 2003 12:16 pm

Writing's Powerful Message
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a "great" writer.
When asked to define "great" he said "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages

Bar Joke

A man was sitting at the bar in a watering hole whose selling point was that it was on top of the largest skyscraper in town. Another man walks in and asks the bartender for a Jack Daniel's. He downs it, and then takes a running leap out the window. Much to everybody's surprise, he floats back up and climbs through the window back into the bar. The man at the bar is amazed and asks the man how he did it.
"Easy," says the man. "Outside this window are some very strong wind currents which can carry you back to the window."

"Wow," says the man at the bar. "I gotta try this." He takes a running leap out the window and falls to a horrible, sausage, and flat death.

"Geez, Superman," says the bartender. "You can be a real a jerk when you're drunk."

Superman and Batman

Superman once wrote on the wall: "Batman is a wimp."
The next day Batman wrote: "Superman is Clark Kent."
When you reach for the stars, you may not quite get them, but you won't come up with a handful of mud either.

Just remember to keep smiling!
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Postby Fidel » Sat Oct 25, 2003 2:32 pm

Whats long stiff and full of seamen?????

>A submarine!!!

One day the Pope got a phone call from Colonel Sanders
-"KFC is losing business - can u change a line in the Lord's Prayer to - Give us this day out daily chicken??? There's £1,000,000 in it!!"
"No - I could never do that" Says the Pope.
The next day the Colonel phones offering £5,000,000
"No - the church needs the money(!) but I couldn't" says Pontiff
"Ok - £10,000,000 - we're losing loads - we need this!!!"
"alrite then" says the Pope

The next day in the Vatican the Pope announces. "Good news we've changed the Lord's Prayer to "Gives us this day our daily Chicken" and have received £10,000,000!!!"
A roar from St Peter's square followed
"Bad news is - we've lost the Hovis sponsorship"

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Postby saz » Sat Oct 25, 2003 10:23 pm

Mmm think that this joke might make people feel unwell but hey, here goes anyway:

3 tramps standing outside local pub in town.
1st tramp goes into pub and says to barman - 'excuse me can i have a cocktail stick mate?'
The barman hands him a cocktail stick and the tramp leaves
The 2nd tramp then goes into the pub and says to the barman 'sorry to bother you but could i have a cocktail stick?'
The barman gives him a strange look but hands over the stick and the tramp leaves
The 3rd tramp goes in to the pub and says to the barman 'excuse me i was wondering if could have a straw'
The irate barman says to the tramp 'look mate, your other 2 friends just came in and asked me for cocktail sticks and now you want a straw. What do you want a straw for?'
The 3rd tramp replies: 'someones been sick outside and the other tramps have taken all the good bits' !!!!!!

ewwwwwwwwwwww gross joke sorry if it is horrible!!
Doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing
cos i'm in love with the inner being
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Postby sovs » Sat Oct 25, 2003 10:50 pm

gross, i feel sick myself now :P
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Postby depman » Sun Oct 26, 2003 3:15 am

Ok saz heres another sicky tramp Joke so
sorry sovs

3 tramps decide to a spitting competition

The first tramp gathers all the spit and green from in his mouth and spits at the window
Beat that he says

The second tramp comes foward and says is that the best you can do
So he too gathers all the spit and green and he has a nice amount in his mouth
Bam there he goes on to the window

The third tramp steps foward but he keeps walking foward he walks up to the window and he sucks up all the spat spit
and he says "right my turn"!

Sorry people :D
Glory Glory Tottenham Hotspur!
Glory Glory Tottenham Hotspur!
Glory Glory Tottenham Hotspur!
When the spurs go marching in

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Postby depman » Sun Oct 26, 2003 3:24 am

The defenition of pain
A one armed man hanging off the edge of a cliff with an itchy armpit

:lol:
Glory Glory Tottenham Hotspur!
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Glory Glory Tottenham Hotspur!
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Postby MelodyLinn » Sun Oct 26, 2003 8:47 am

Ewwww depman and saz! lol :P

Keep 'em coming people hehe,

Love & peace all!


Melody *satagrin*
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Blonde hikers...

Postby Mr.L » Sun Oct 26, 2003 5:37 pm

There were 10 hikers, 9 blonde 1 brunette. They were all treking up a dangerous mountain and then when they reached the top proceeded to absail down. They all got on the rope when some of the strands snapped! they decided that the only way to survive was for one of them to jump off and save the others, the brunette volunteered and then gave her last heart wrenching speech. When she had finished the blondes where in tears and they all started to clap [-o< ... #-o
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Postby Fidel » Sun Oct 26, 2003 5:40 pm

Why do Blone girls have white rings around their belly buttons?

Coz blonde guys ain't that smart either
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Postby sovs » Sun Oct 26, 2003 9:49 pm

Did you hear, Glenn Hoddle got pulled over on his way home after getting the sack as spurs manager.
The policeman told him, the good news is you get 3 points :D
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Postby saz » Mon Oct 27, 2003 7:01 am

LOL am loving all the jokes here will give me some to tell my mates!!!
Doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing
cos i'm in love with the inner being
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