Domestic Violence Towards Men

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Domestic Violence Towards Men

Postby cherry6omb » Tue Nov 04, 2003 12:15 pm

Hello there,

I'm researching for an article about domestic violence towards men and would like to hear from you.

Are you a man who has been abused by a female partner? Are you a woman who is violent towards a male partner?

Please post your comments, experiences, opinions and so on.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Cherry
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Postby depman » Tue Nov 04, 2003 1:38 pm

I was abused by my ex girlfriend between 96-98
She mentally abused me and completly changed the way I once was to someone that had no confidence and made me very depressed
During the time I lost contact to all my friends and I hardly saw my family like my mum and my brothers
Lets just say this was the worst 2 years of my life and so much happened to me in that time she cheated on me many times and belittled me a lot and wore me down to nothing she did used to hit me as well from time to time
When a women hits you a man cannot hit back as its all wrong and I feel this is not recognised enough whereas vice versa it happens all the time
If a man reports violence towards him he generally is laughed at

I am ok now and am happily married to sovs (mod)

If you have anymore questions please ask
Its just something I dont talk about anymore as it was a bad time in my life
Just look at my message at the bottom I picked myself up from the floor and became stronger

Ps good topic
depman 8)
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Postby Fidel » Tue Nov 04, 2003 5:34 pm

You know there are so many laws regarding women's rights but not enough for men. It's the same problem with parent abuse.
Women talk about equal oppurtunites but they get more than their fair share in this section

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Postby Mr.L » Tue Nov 04, 2003 5:48 pm

Its true, no offence women butwomen have a lot more rights and social views to aid them in life than men do.
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Postby cherry6omb » Tue Nov 04, 2003 6:18 pm

Depman,

I hope you're ready for a barrage of questions!

Here goes...

Did you ever call the police or contact any organisations during the time you were being abused? I'd be interested to hear how the police handle situations when they turn up to a domestic violence call-out and find that a woman has been hitting a man.

Did you ever tell friends and family? If so, did they take it seriously? Did you get any support from anybody i.e. doctor, friend, counsellor?

How did the abuse begin? Why did you stay with your girlfriend and how did you eventually get out of the relationship? Has your experience altered your perception of women?

Hope you don't mind all these questions and thanks for replying to my post.

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Postby cherry6omb » Tue Nov 04, 2003 6:20 pm

Vlad,

You're not an expert on family law by any chance are you?

Cherry

Fidel wrote:You know there are so many laws regarding women's rights but not enough for men. It's the same problem with parent abuse.
Women talk about equal oppurtunites but they get more than their fair share in this section

Ur legal eagle

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Postby smile » Tue Nov 04, 2003 6:38 pm

Please bear in mind that the questions asked don't have to be answered as this is a very sensitive subject.
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Postby Fidel » Tue Nov 04, 2003 7:23 pm

Well I take an express interest in law and know an awful lot about it thank you cherry 6omb
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Postby Fidel » Tue Nov 04, 2003 7:24 pm

But since ur a women I don't expect u to see this from our point of view. There are as many cases of male abuse by females as there are the contrare in Scotland. Many more men are convicted though as the courts favour women. There are no male support group in scotland yet there are 28 for women. Can u see why this is slightly unfair?? Is that so much to ask for u to open ur mind a little???

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Postby X_Smiler_X » Tue Nov 04, 2003 9:32 pm

I think that domestic violence is awful altogether, whether it's the man being abused or the woman. Nobody deserves to be in that situation, ever.
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Postby misatok11 » Wed Nov 05, 2003 4:17 am

My wife sometimes hits me it's not really that bad and she only does it when she is annoyed. I have asked her about it and it is because of the fact that she was abused as a child and it was their way of expression when annoyed.
She is getting better now, she just throws teddies or cushions now and it is becoming less frequent. This i think may have to do with the fact that she saw the impact it was having on me.
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Postby Llisa » Wed Nov 05, 2003 7:14 am

I suppose it's deifferent over here...
Men have the same rights as women do...the only thing is that we don't hear about it as much because the few men that are getting abused don't come forward. Every so often we do hear a case of a man being abused though.
You have to bear in mind too that the reason there are more help facilities for women is that it happens to them a LOT more then it does men, for various reasons. Which is also why you hear about it more. Physical abuse of men is very rare, it's more the mental abuse...and a lot of the time the men don't even realized they are being abused until the situation is over and done with and it's too late.
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Postby depman » Wed Nov 05, 2003 12:53 pm

To cherrybomb

It is a sesitive subject and it is in my past now as I am happily married
SOVS doesnt mind me posting about it

I have no problems now and have moved on from that ,in fact I enjoy helping people now as I have a lot of past experiance that I can reflect on people today

You first question I didnt get any police involved

Your second question I didnt need to tell friends and family they could see it and they were constantly trying to advise me,but I ignored them as Of the situation I was in she changed me and bogged me down and I didnt know what was happening to me I guess deep down in my mind I knew it was wrong and this happens to women as well it can go on for years and like me I just put up with the abuse as you love this person and dont know any different

Your third question I dont remember how it started I guess she just wormed her self into my head
Until this date she is the worst girl I have come across she had a way of controlling you and changing the way you are and your perception and your personality
I went from a person who used to get up on stage at karaoke clubs and belting out songs and having a name called the karaoke king To someone with no confidence and very shy and even today I finds it hard to get up on stage

Your fourth question I didnt get out she basically finished me off until I was nothing she cheated on me got back with me kept cheating on me and breaking up with me and really messed with my head
She eventually went off with my best friend of 20 years and left me devastated

It did alter my perception of women and I didnt trust them just like women dont trust men when it happens to them
But there are decent people out there which I found out

When I met my wife I was very weary For one she was a lot younger than me
I did fancy her but I kept back at first as I didnt want to get hurt she made it very clear that she liked me and I did as well
It had been a year and a half since my ex and I finished
and I was over her
It just clicked between me and sovs and she made me feel great again I do trust women now because the way I look at it now it can happen to anyone man or women if you get involved with the wrong person

So I think abuse on a man I feel should be recognised in this country as it happens both ways
Its not just men it is both

Hope this helps
depman :D
Last edited by depman on Wed Nov 05, 2003 12:58 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby cherry6omb » Wed Nov 05, 2003 12:54 pm

Vlad,

I was serious when I asked if you were a family law professional. I get the impression you thought I was being sarcastic so please accept my apology for the confusion. The reason I asked is because I thought you might be able to quote a bit of law to help with my article.

With regard to what you say about women being favoured over men, I totally agree. The government allocates around £28 million per year to charitable organisations for female victims of domestic violence but similar men's organisations get nothing.

So, depsite being a woman I can see this from a man's point of view which is the whole reason for writing the article. I think it's something that should be acknowledged. Believe me, I have an open mind!! :)

I'd like to know what you think about organisations such as Women's Aid and Refuge. Some commentators suggest that they spread feminist propoganda by brainwashing people into seeing women as weak victims and men as perpetrators of violence. What do you think?

Cherry.

Fidel wrote:But since ur a women I don't expect u to see this from our point of view. There are as many cases of male abuse by females as there are the contrare in Scotland. Many more men are convicted though as the courts favour women. There are no male support group in scotland yet there are 28 for women. Can u see why this is slightly unfair?? Is that so much to ask for u to open ur mind a little???

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Postby cherry6omb » Wed Nov 05, 2003 1:02 pm

Thanks Depman,

That's really helpful. I'm very grateful for your input especially as it must be rather a sensitive issue for you. It's nice to hear that you were able to get back on your feet and put it behind you.

Thanks.

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