women with children & work?

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After having a baby is it right for a mother to straight back to full time employment?

Yes
1
10%
No
6
60%
Unsure
3
30%
 
Total votes : 10

women with children & work?

Postby sovs » Tue Nov 25, 2003 1:37 pm

Hi all,

Im a mum, i have a lovely little boy David who's 15 month.

At the beginning of september i was due to start a college course to train to be a midwife.
I changed my mind at the last minute because i realised i can train to be a midwife at any time, but time with my son while he's a baby and watching him grow is a once in a life time experience that i will never get with him again.
So now im a full time mum and will do my college course when he starts school.
I understand that some mums need to do part time work etc while their babies are small for financial reasons, but i dont understand parents that have children then go straight back to their full time work after a few months.
Why did they have a baby in the first place if they dont want to bring him/her up. A child needs its mothers love not the curt ways of a child minder.

What are your views on the subject?
sovs :wink:
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Postby saz » Tue Nov 25, 2003 4:17 pm

Sovs i totally agree with you. I have to work a few hours (mornings) at weekends to make ends meet but i spend Monday to Friday raising my baby and i wouldn't have missed it for the world. I would rather have no money, no holidays etc just so i could be with her during the special time when they are learning new things about life. I would have been so upset to have missed her first word, her first step and have a childminder tell me what she had done.

I am not saying that mothers shouldn't work atll but as you say sovs, what is the point in having a child if you only see them for a couple of hours every day? My boyfriend hates not seeing our daughter much because of his long hours, but then at weekends he spends saturday and sunday morning with her, just the two of them.

There is plenty of time when they start school to restart or start a career. It is only a few years but it is so important to children. Working part-time hours, perhaps leaving them with a well known relative is a good option, you do get a break from each other, plus you are earning and the child gets used to being with someone else for a few hours. I just dont agree with full time mums, leaving their tiny babies with someone from 8am to 7pm (people who work in the city for instance). Surely child is worth more than any job, and if it doesn't, why have one?
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Postby Jupiter » Tue Nov 25, 2003 9:24 pm

i agree, im not a mum but i would like to think that if i did have kids that i would stay home at ;least for a while before going back to work. however i think that after a while i may climb up the walls if i wasnt doing something and earning my own way in the world, but not till i had good care sorted such as a very good daycare or nursery. but i would probably stay at home for quite a while after having a child, i would hate to miss out on all the firsts a mother can have with her child.

who said no? just out of interest.

ps sovs - i think u would make a great midwife.
sod has a law... i dunno why he wrote is but he's evil.... sods law that he's dead cos if he wasnt id kill him. sods law is the thorn in my side and the pain in my a$$

men! cabt live with them cant shoot them either (its illegal... aparently???) lol
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Postby saz » Tue Nov 25, 2003 9:29 pm

I would go to work every day with dread in my stomach worrying about leaving my child with someone i hardly knew. I wouldnt be any good at my job because i would be thinking about her and worrying all day!

One of my friends works in a nursery, the city mums bring the babies in from 6 weeks old, (no breastfeeding then) bring them at 7am and dont get back until late afternoon early evening. They must only see these children in the car on the way to and from the nursery. It really upsets her sometimes, especially the ones who dont take a real interest in their kids they are more interested in themselves.
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Postby Jupiter » Tue Nov 25, 2003 9:35 pm

My friend is doing her childcare cart and she says the same thing. one in her group even looks at her mother strangely when she picks her up. She also knows alot of house husbands who stay at home with the babies whilst mothers work... what do people feel about this?? i think house husbands are good and very supportiove and i would probably go back a little soober if i knew there was someone i trusted, like the father, at home with the child. having said that i would still stay at home for a while before work.

but 6 weeks! dear god! thats not even 2 months.
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Postby saz » Tue Nov 25, 2003 9:52 pm

I agree that if men want to they should be househusbands but perhaps the woman shouldn't still work full time though. It is all about a mothers bond with a baby, it is (well should be) so strong but it isn't instant, it takes a while to form but you have to keep working at it. You can tell their different cries, but other people cant because they dont spend as much time with them. If you left your 6 week old with a stranger then you wont have such a strong bond which i believe can lead to problems later on.

Children need nurturing and having your mum on a one to one basis is so good for them. I think that children should also interact with other kids too, and get used to strangers. Unfortunately i have done the total opposite to all of the above, my daughter clings to me like a baby monkey and cries at strangers because we are together pretty much 24 hours a day, apart from when she is asleep. The best side to this is the bond you have - we can tell what each other is thinking, i know what she is going to do before she does it a lot of the time. She is only 14 months and she can point out the majority of animals in her books, tigers, elephants, horses etc. I say 'wheres the....' and she goes and gets it and points or says the word. If i worked full time, she would be doing it with someone else, or not at all.
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Postby Jupiter » Tue Nov 25, 2003 10:33 pm

i dont think i would go back to full time before the child was at least 3 years old, but i couldnt spend forever not working, i just couldnt.
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Postby saz » Wed Nov 26, 2003 8:46 am

Yes i agree. Just because you have children doesn't mean you shouldn't work at all, especially when they go to school. You wouldn't want to be sitting around waiting for them to finish school all day it would drive you mad. I just think that any job should come second to them. I will work round her school hours when she is at primary school and then think about a career when she is at secondary school. I hope it wont be too late by then!

Some people have so many children that they never get jobs, so make the kids their only job and total centre of their life. When all the kids have left they can then feel really lonely and isolated, with no working skills. I think you have to get a really healthy balance, in the first few years it is pretty much all about them, then after that you start to concerntrate on yourself a bit more.
Doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing
cos i'm in love with the inner being
saz
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Postby Fidel » Wed Nov 26, 2003 10:53 am

Hey

We studied this in Modern Studies and they have found that 30% of women in Scotland go back to work and find a decent nursery for their kids or a trusted childminder. Plus, our government gives them money to do so.

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Postby kitten » Wed Nov 26, 2003 11:20 am

When I have children I would dearly love to stop work to bring them up. At the moment however we wouldn't have enough money to allow me to do this.

My husband may get a higher paid job in his new job though!

Then again if I went back to work surely it would only cover the cost of child care and be a bit of a double edged sword!
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Postby imanidiot » Fri Nov 28, 2003 6:28 pm

I had my son when i was 19, and i stopped working straight away. I waited for him to start primary school before i got a part time job. I am lucky though because i can fit my job in around his schooling and when the schools break up for half term or holidays, I can either take him to work with me, (I work in a community Centre so there is always something going on for him to do!) or he will stay with his Dad for the day
until i finish work.
I could'nt have gone straight back to work but different people have different prioraties, and see babies as accessories not as the amazing little people that they are.
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Postby JC_FREAK » Tue Dec 02, 2003 3:37 pm

Take it slowly, don't jump right back into full-time employment again. I understand that you may have financial difficulty but try not to be hard on yourself and exhaust yourself. One step at a time is my advice, Good luck sweetie
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Postby Jupiter » Wed Dec 03, 2003 1:17 am

my mum went back to work when i was under a year old but she just went to work on the nurse bank at work. she had the best of both worlds because she worked when i was sleeping.
sod has a law... i dunno why he wrote is but he's evil.... sods law that he's dead cos if he wasnt id kill him. sods law is the thorn in my side and the pain in my a$$

men! cabt live with them cant shoot them either (its illegal... aparently???) lol
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