Can two people of the opposite sex ever be true friends?

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Can two people of the opposite sex ever be true friends?

Postby londonlassdee1 » Wed Jan 07, 2004 8:26 pm

Hey all!
Haven't really got a depressing story or anything like that, but I just wanted to know what all you guys think of men and women being best mates.
To put it in my case...
a) Tom, who I've known all my life was my best mate. He loved everything I did, and we could chat for hours about endless rubbish and have such a laugh. But suddenly something changed, and I saw him in a different light. When I told him, things weren't quite the same, he obviously didn't feel the same way back, and up to now, have never had a proper conversation like previous.
b) Charlie, who I met on holiday just over two years ago, was such a laugh and again we got on like a house on fire. A similar thing happened as we could talk for hours on the phone and depend on one and other for anything. But AGAIN! I started to fall for him... put off telling him, but cracked soon later. His remark was quite the same to Tom's...
"We're too good friends to go out at the moment."
I mean... is that just me???
As soon as I get close to a man, it seems like I can't help but fall for them!
A man and woman best mates?? In my eyes, never!
Whatcha think?
Last edited by londonlassdee1 on Thu Jan 08, 2004 4:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby cheese100 » Wed Jan 07, 2004 8:37 pm

I have known things relesionships to work but in my experence it does tend to swing to the love sides most of the time.cheese xx
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Postby luvva » Wed Jan 07, 2004 9:40 pm

I think it can work. There's a guy that has been my friend for a while, we aint best friends but i would say that he is probably my closest male friend.

We get on like a house on fire, i don't think we have ever even had an arguement not even a silly little one. I did have a crush on him for about a week but that went, now we are just really good friends.

A few people have said that we would make a good couple but we always kind of look at each other and laugh, its just weere such good friends that it would be really weird dating.

I dont think even if i did really fancy him that i would tell him, I'd prefer him as a mate.
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Postby depman » Wed Jan 07, 2004 11:29 pm

I think a majority of the time it cant work as the attraction will creep in
One will fancy the other or in some cases both fancy each other but never know and could of had a better relationship with love involved
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Postby saz » Thu Jan 08, 2004 12:06 pm

I am pretty much best friends with a guy who i have known for over 10 years. We have been involved in the past but over the years those feelings have faded and we are now good friends but it has taken a long time to get there.

It is so easy to blur the lines of friendship because this perfect friend who you talk to for hours is just what you want in a boyfriend. If you have strong feelings for them then it is very difficult to have a friendship, because at some point you want to tell them in case they feel the same.

I dont really know what to say for the best, because with my male friend we both fell for each other... but at different times. Either he wanted to be with me and i didn't, or vice versa. When we finally did get involved it nearly ruined our friendship and we didn't speak for over a year. True friends always bounce back together again even after making a right mess of things. Something draws you to these men in the first place which is probably a personality match but then they see you too much as a friend to go further. Dont lose their friendship it would be a shame if you did. Just apologise and keep in contact with them in time things will be better.

Maybe trying to just be friends but not 'best' friends, ie not spending all your time together is a better solution because i think men and women do find it hard to keep sexual feelings out of the equation - but this isn't always the case. I have got involved with people after crying on their shoulder, because at the time i was down and they were my knight in shining armour. This doesn't happen with my female friends so i tend to cry on them instead!
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Postby Smiths_fan » Thu Jan 08, 2004 11:27 pm

I think, no, i KNOW people of the opposite sex can be good friends.

I include a couple of girls in my list of best friends. Ive known one of them since school, and she is the only person from school I kept in contact with. Ive never had 'feelings' for her, maybe because she has had a long term boyfriend for a long time, so.. yeah.

The other girl... well, i did have feelings for her, and when I told her, and she said she didnt have feelings for me, I was knocked back, but we remained friends.

I dont THINK i have any feelings for her, anymore. Sometimes I do think what if she had had feelings for me, but I try not to, as it makes me quite depressed and delusional.

Either way, I count those girls as two of my best friends.
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Postby X_Smiler_X » Fri Jan 09, 2004 2:57 pm

It can work if you want it to. For instance, me and this guy I've known for ages have been really good friends all this time, and we both dont feel anything for eaachother.
I see what your saying though, because I've been stuck in these situations loads of times.

I think at one point of the friendship you "think" you feel something for the opposite sex, because of the fact you are so close to him.
My best friend happens to be a bloke, he's good friends with my boyfriend whic does cause alot of difficulties, but yep, I do think it can work xx
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Postby Britgirl » Fri Jan 16, 2004 5:27 pm

i belive deeply that u r friends with whoever makes u appy, i have a friend who i get along with so well and he is a guy there has been times where we think we have fallen for each other but really its just because they make u feel so secure that u think u have fallen for them. he is a great guy and i love him to bits but i am not attracted to him in that way although at times i thought i was. sometimes we dont know our own minds and they make us belive things that aint real. u just have to learn which is right.
usually ur heart tells u the truth so whatever ur mind says, ignore, its never telling the truth.
so in conclusion i think they can be best friends of opposite sex xxx
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Postby Nicki-claire » Wed Jan 28, 2004 7:49 pm

I really believe that you can have a close friendship with the opposite sex. I have two close male friends. One of whom I have known for 13 yrs the other for 7. I have never had any feeling for either of them but friendship, and as far as I know they have never felt anything for me but friendship!
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Postby Im_in_Chains » Fri Apr 09, 2004 1:14 pm

I really hope so because there's a guy at work who's a bit of a loner. He doesn't actively seek conversation but welcomes it when others approach him.

Please understand, I'm not in "pity mode" here but I feel I understand him because it's taken me years to drag myself out of my shell and stomp on it! I'm currently establishing a friendship with him and hope that he can eventually feel comfortable around my husband and children, too. I just feel that this guy's really worth knowing and a lot of people are missing out on him because he "hides" himself so well.

Well, that's my input anyway.

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Postby loo » Mon Dec 27, 2004 9:27 pm

hi my best friend is male and we do not feel anything in 'that way' for each other! we tell each other anything and everything, i feel i can tell him whatevers on my mind and he always know's when somethings going on - we have that kind of chemistry where we can tell when something is wrong with the other. i tell him much more than i tell any of my girl friends and he's the same.
everyone says we'll end up together getting married or whatever but we know each other too well to start a relationship other than friendship.
so yes i think that best friends of the opposite sex can work and we and my best friend are proof of that!
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Postby all_apologies » Mon Dec 27, 2004 9:31 pm

It works for me. I've been close friends with guys who I never think of in a sexual manner.
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Postby nothings_shocking » Mon Dec 27, 2004 10:02 pm

i agree all_apologies you can be good friends and not think of htem in other ways.
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Postby LME79 » Mon Dec 27, 2004 10:11 pm

Platonic friendships can work as long as there is no attraction on either side. If there is attraction on one side then there is bound to be jealousy when the other gets a new partner.
Most of my friendship group (I find it very hard to trust females- different story) and I have been involved with two of them (not at the same time though :o). One of them was just kissing but the other one was more involved, if you know what I mean. It took quite a long time for things to get back to normal between the two of us, especially when one of us got new's all ok now. Time is a great healer etc. Clichéd but true.
That aside however, I have one extremely good male friend and there is no attraction whatsoever, just the same sense of humour (which is acquired, I assure you......)

Hmmm. I'm not sure if I've helped or not by posting that, I hope I have. What I was trying to say I guess is that if you're worried about things getting back to 'normal', then you just need to give it time, my love.

Hope things work out mate

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Postby pixiemeat » Tue Dec 28, 2004 1:34 am

I too agree with all apologies. Most of my closest mates are male, thinking back only a few of em are female :o but thats probably cos im a bit of a tom boy. I dunno i just find a conversation with a guy more interesting and amusing than with a girls.

Does any other girl here hate it when you go to the loos in a bar/ club place and theres always a group of girls in there having a girlie chat?>! I hate that!... I think guys are more I dunno i fthis is true for everyone but most people i know, guys are more honest and easy going can have a right good time with em.

So yeah I reckon it can work! :wink:
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