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PostPosted: Sun Jun 04, 2006 10:23 pm
by mariamaria
Haha! :D I love that last one!!

PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 6:57 pm
by splodge


That is hilarious!

PostPosted: Wed Aug 30, 2006 10:16 am
by peecee

PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2006 3:26 pm
by Moose
A highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically knocked down by a bus and was killed. Her soul arrived at the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter welcomed her.

"Before you get settled in" he said, "We have a little problem...you see,
we're never had a Human Resources Manager make it this far before and
we're not really sure what to do with you."

"Oh, I see," said the woman, "Can't you just let me in?" "Well, I'd like
to," said St Peter, "But I have higher orders. We're instructed to let
you have a day in hell and a day in heaven, and then you are to choose where you'd like to go for all eternity."

"Actually, I think I'd prefer heaven", said the woman.

"Sorry, we have rules..." at which St. Peter put the HR Manager into The
downward bound elevator. As the doors opened in hell she stepped out onto a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club; around her were many friends... past fellow executives, all smartly dressed, happy, and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks, and they talked about old times. They played a perfect round of golf and afterwards went to the country club where she enjoyed a superb steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil (who was actually rather nice) and she had a wonderful night telling jokes and dancing. Before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everyone shook her hand and waved goodbye as she stepped into the elevator. The elevator went back up to heaven where St. Peter was waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said.

So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds, playing the harp and singing... which was almost as enjoyable as her day in hell.

At the day's end St. Peter returned.

"So," he said, "You've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in
heaven".

"You must choose between the two." The woman thought for a second and replied,

"Well, heaven is certainly lovely, but I actually had a better time in
hell". "I choose hell."

Accordingly, St. Peter took her to the elevator again and she went back
down to hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a
desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends
dressed in rags, picking up rubbish and putting it in old sacks. The Devil
approached and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stuttered the HR Manager, "Yesterday I was here,
and there was a golf course, and a country club. We ate lobster, and
we danced and had a wonderful happy time. Now all there is, is just a
dirty wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil simply looked at her and smiled,

"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're staff."


:P

PostPosted: Mon Oct 16, 2006 9:58 am
by gatekeeper
I like the one above :P

PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 1:05 am
by peecee
Murphy's Other Laws

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.


2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.


3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.


4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.


5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.


6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.


7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.


8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.


9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.


10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.


11. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left- by those who got there first.


12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.


13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.


14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.


15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 2:13 am
by crazy_in_love
Proud to Be British

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or
a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign.

Oh and......

-Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.

-Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the
way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while
healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

-Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries and a DIET coke.

-Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the
pens to the counters.

-Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on
the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

-Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls
and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we
didn't want to talk to in the first place.

-Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of
a skating rink.

PostPosted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 11:08 pm
by peecee
Guaranteed to drive you BONKERS !!

FOR ALL FORMER AIRLINE PILOTS....A MUST TEST......


It's for everybody actually.



This will drive you nuts!! Have fun!
The object of the game is to move the red block around
without getting hit by the blue blocks or touching the black walls.
If you can go longer than 18 seconds you are phenomenal. It's been
said that the US Air Force uses this for fighter pilots. They are
expected to go for at least 2 minutes.

Give it a try but be careful...it is addictive!!

Air Force Test here <-------- click

PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2008 2:43 pm
by captainf
18.125 seconds was my best. I really doubt the US airforce pilots can keep that up for 2mins (especially with their accuracy when firing missiles) I think there is a similar exercise during apptitude testing for airlines but its slightly different. Its to test for reaction rate but really doesnt define anything flying related really. :lol: :lol:

PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2008 3:46 pm
by Pwif
I got 0.422 seconds. Was that a good score?? :lol:



Edit: tried a few more times. Kept on getting hit by the blue thingy; then banged into the wall. Stupid game. Good job I'm not an American pilot. :evil: :lol:

PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2008 4:38 pm
by Bel Bel
i have done it a few times and best i could get was 4.7 but i would have written off about 30 planes to get there so I think i'll stick to my desk job - I can navigate a pen just fine LOL

PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2008 6:52 pm
by LME79
19.312 seconds 8)

PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2008 10:22 pm
by captainf
Bel Bel wrote:i have done it a few times and best i could get was 4.7 but i would have written off about 30 planes to get there so I think i'll stick to my desk job - I can navigate a pen just fine LOL


lmao!!!!! Nah, those tests are silly really and dont define someones ability to fly a plane.. now if they made you fly a plane, constantly look for traffic, monitor instrumentation and keep focused on navigation and the RT, with making quick decisions and mathematical calculations, then you'll definitely find out if you're pilot material. ;)

PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2008 10:25 pm
by captainf
Pwif wrote:I got 0.422 seconds. Was that a good score?? :lol:



Edit: tried a few more times. Kept on getting hit by the blue thingy; then banged into the wall. Stupid game. Good job I'm not an American pilot. :evil: :lol:


lol If I was you i'd be pleased not to be an american pilot.. well, an airforce one anyway (their aiming is poor)

Besides, could be worse - you could be an Iberia pilot. What a miserable bunch they are. :roll:

PostPosted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 6:44 pm
by HappyGoLucky
18.89 :D

-- after a couple of tries though :^o