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TRULY TRULY TRUE FRIENDSHIP

Postby arwen » Fri Jul 22, 2005 4:44 pm

Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speak to true friendship:

When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry basket who made you sad.
When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
When you are confused - I will use little words.
When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath...I pledge it till the end, because you are my friend. Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of nine.
Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel
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Postby Something_totally_Wrong » Mon Jul 25, 2005 2:20 pm

lol, thats true. I like it!!!
Hello I'm MUNCH and you are?
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Postby Krazycow » Fri Jul 29, 2005 9:06 pm

ohh, man...read this.....

FBI
The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME; the author who introduces the story swears it's true.

FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.

The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.

Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?
Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front (go) to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas.
Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza Man: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?
Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.
Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?
Agent: I have my checkbook right here.
Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.
Pizza Man: I don't think so.
Click.
The fastest way to meet new people is to pick up somebody else's change at a cocktail bar.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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Postby peecee » Fri Jul 29, 2005 9:25 pm

lol, Kc! :P


Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked,"What are you up to there, Nancy?

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."
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Postby Krazycow » Sat Jul 30, 2005 9:02 pm

oh, my!! my next-door-neighbour would KILL me if i even thought about doing that!! and belive me, he's a sissy....
The fastest way to meet new people is to pick up somebody else's change at a cocktail bar.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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Postby sparkly_star » Fri Aug 12, 2005 1:09 pm

The Cracked Pot

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.

At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.

"I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?"

"That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them."

"For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.."

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.

You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
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Postby arwen » Fri Aug 12, 2005 1:16 pm

That's a nice one sparkly!
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Postby peecee » Thu Aug 18, 2005 4:23 pm

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Postby mew_mew_kitten » Thu Aug 18, 2005 4:27 pm

LMAO!!! That is brilliant.....

'La la la la la cheesecakey llama....la la la la la fuzzy llama....llama in a car.....' :lol:
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Postby arwen » Thu Aug 18, 2005 4:32 pm

peecee....


WHA.....??!? :o
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Postby peecee » Thu Aug 18, 2005 4:57 pm

sorry... :oops: a lad in my office sent it to me, how can I ever apologise enough?

(I'll post the one about guinea pigs tomorrow! :P )

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Postby nothings_shocking » Thu Aug 18, 2005 5:11 pm

isn't there one about chickens??
x x x
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Postby peecee » Fri Aug 19, 2005 11:35 pm

n_s, you can't just leave us hanging like that... :o

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Postby sparkly_star » Fri Aug 19, 2005 11:37 pm

peecee, don't badger her lol
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Postby peecee » Fri Aug 19, 2005 11:40 pm

oh, nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo............. :roll:

Actually, s_s, the lad in my office is quite into badgers too, but I'd better pm you about that...! :wink:
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