I feel really jealous...

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Shall I forget her?

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No because I still care about her, she's my best mate...
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I feel really jealous...

Postby So_Naive » Fri Jun 29, 2007 10:00 am

I'm 17 and am very shy. I have a best friend called L who is also very shy. anyway Its been a year since we both left school. im in college. she's still in the 6form in my old school. anyway its seems to me we're both drifiting apart...we still see each other once a month and we talk on the phone evryday and email each other everyday...but when she comes around she never talks...its always me talking...if i give her time to talk she'll look at me and go why have u gone quiete and get uncomfortable...its not a real friendship right? even tho i know all her secrets and she knows all mine

and recenetley she's starting to go out (she never used to go out) with other people and get drunk and stuff and i feel really uncomfortable because its really againts my beliefs.

now when ever she calls me i sometimes reject the call and i think she's a bit scared now and is suspecting something and keeps calling me more and more...but i feel really lonely but i know i cant be her friend for ever because of my parents and relegion...i mean she's white..she's gonna grow up drink..have a boyfriend..start having sex its the norm but to my family/culture thats like A HUGE SIN and there is no way i can still be friends with her in two years time...

but i dont have any muslim friends and all my white friends go out clubbing and stuff....i feel like a loser with no life...

i'm not an english girl but im not an arabic girl either. (i cant even speak arabic but i can say hello and please pass the ketchup'

:-?
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Postby kitten » Fri Jun 29, 2007 1:32 pm

Before I start I will state that I am not completely au fay with Islam.

But why should your religion restrict who you are friends with. I'm a Christian and my husband an atheist. I have my beliefs and they are mine but I also understand that other people may think differently to me.

There is no reason why you can not be friends with this girl and still hold your beliefs.

Perhaps talk to her and explain you find it difficult with her being able to do so much more. Perhaps you can arrange evenings where you stay in together or partake in activies within your belief structure.

Hope this helps.
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Postby yessica » Sun Jul 01, 2007 3:45 pm

I know how you feel! I'm really shy and have a really shy friend and so sometimes we can find it a bit awkward when we haven't seen each other for a while. It can be a bit frustrating 'cause you jsut want your closeness back. But I say persivere. You obviously had something special and still care about her so kee ptrying. Why don't you tell her how you feel? Find some way of connecting?
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Re: I feel really jealous...

Postby retrochav » Sun Jul 01, 2007 7:09 pm

Friendships do evolve and change, sometimes they cant continue.

I have to question if you are comparing yourself and feeling jealous? Yes alchol is against the law of Islam, and i am aware that the Koran teaches that followers must refrain from sexual relations before marriage. These should be positive choices for you - not a noose around your neck ready to hang you if you stray.

Show strength and advise your friend that whilst you will listen, you cannot advise about her nights out, as you can see the harm in alcohol and dangers of being wreckless sexually. Try to see that being different doesnt make you a looser, you have choices and you are choosing to up hold your religous principles.

If you need the friendship of other muslims, ask about it at the mosque. Could you be introduced to other muslim girls and their families. By expanding your social circle in ways that wouldnt cause family problems maybe you will feel better about yourself.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Postby So_Naive » Thu Jul 05, 2007 8:38 am

But the thing is I'm not ashamed of not being able to drink and have sex and stuff. but its so embbarrassing for me because everyone my age thinks this is all normal and they think im a weirdo or 'boring' because i dont do those sort of stuff. its not like im even relegious (i dont even wear my headscarve anymore, but thats another story) but once i got went over to L's and we had friends over and they all started drinking and being silly. it was very funny but then they were like go on try a bit it wont hurt (they were the devil in disguise! lol) and i was really tempted but then i thought of hell (i mean, i dont know if i belive in it i dont think god is that evil but im scared what will happen to me after death) and i didnt drink it (it was a bit of vodka) and i felt like an idiot. grrr its so frustrating being a muslim...seriously it is...
Anyway I dont have nay muslim friends like i said, because my dad does not let us have nay friends. When i complained to him that i was lonely and havent talked to anyone for ages properly he laughed and said 'You dont need friends.' now he makes a joke out of it...
I'm kinda jelaous of L because she can do what she wants. I suppose I envy her freedom but even if i had it i wouldnt do the stuff that white kids get up to cos i would be too scared (scared of god)...I hope i make sense....
She rang me yesterday...normally we talk for hours (last month her parents blocked my number so she wouldnt call me...they got a 227 pounds telephone bill) gotta go
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