A Mess

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A Mess

Postby Maria2000 » Tue Jul 10, 2007 1:58 pm

Hi everybody,

I have a few life problems that I'm hoping someone out there can help me with.

Well basicly I'm just really confused, I feel like my life is out of control and I feel really helpless and lost.
I'm 30 years old and so very unsorted!

I recently became unemployed after the agency I was working with stopped finding me anymore work. I was kind of offered a permanant position there but I hated the job so much I couldn't face accepting it.
I'm now trying to find work through another agency just for a few months as I really want to go abroad and teach english but I don't have the money to afford to do the course.
This is the reason I keep seeking temporary posts and not permanant ones.
But I'm starting to panic now that if I kep doing this I wont be able to get a permanant job when I return.

Plus I am still stuck with what I want to do with my life, I originally did a Fine Art degree and wanted to do some kind of creative job afterwards but that proved difficult to find as a Graphic degree would have been better for this perhaps.

I don't live in London, if I did I might have more options open to me, but I don't see how I can move to London without first having some kind of employment first?
On top of this I have very few friends as the people I grew up with moved away from my home town and now live mostly in London.

I had to move back to my hometown after having to move out of a house I lived in in my university town because of a falling out with 2 people I lived with, who actually became violent towards me. I had no job so I couldn't find another place to live. I also made the stupid mistake of having a relationship with the other housemate, who also had to move out.
He offered to let me stay with him until I found a job and a place to live but I was so upset and confused and felt it was too soon to be living with a partner. I wasn't sure about the relationship, it happened really quickly when I wasn't expecting it and had plans to go off travelling and didn't want to have ties.

Basically I had to move back home with my parents and I really miss him, but I still don't know if things would work out with him and I and I'm worried he doesn't respect me and maybe it was all about s*x.

All of this happened almost a year ago. I kept in touch with him until recently when I said I thought we should move on as I probably wont come back to the place he lives in.
But I am heartbroken and don't feel able to move on and feel so bad for hurting him. Though part of me wonders if he really cared for me that much!

Anyway now I just don't know what to do or where to be and I think everyone thinks I'm just a loser.
I so wanted to do something good with my life but its all a bit of a disaster.

Any thing anyone can suggest would be really helpful.

Thanks,
M :-?
Maria2000
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Re: A Mess

Postby retrochav » Tue Jul 10, 2007 2:28 pm

Affairs of the heart are personal matters, so i can only really offer suggestions. I would look at why you chose to end things - you must have had more than one reason. How was it that he couldnt have visited you or arranged to date between the two areas? I wonder if you are thinking of him as a panacea to all problems.

Work: employers will look on your travels/working pattern as positively or negatively as you portray it in a C.V. If you state that you wanted to gain experience in different types of office/systems etc. then it looks like you have broad experiance. Stating that travel gave you insight into the needs and diversity of different cultures gives you the impression of being able to mix well in the office.

Living in London isnt as great as many people think. I know i have lived here on and off all my life. Like anywhere, it has as much or as little to offer as you are prepared to chase. It can be just as lonely, expensive and souless as it can be exciting, all encompassing and inclusive.

Hitting thirty often makes us reflect and wonder where our life is going - it did that to me. Stay true to your goal of travel and see where it takes you.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
retrochav
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Posts: 1217
Joined: Mon Jul 10, 2006 8:48 am
Location: London

thanks

Postby Maria2000 » Tue Jul 10, 2007 6:23 pm

hi,

thankyou for replying, what you wrote was helpful.
He did come and visit me and I him, but I couldn't afford to go and see him when my job ended.
The thing is I think I might have made a mistake getting together with him in the first place. he's an amazing guy but I had doubts about whether he was right for me from the start. mainly it was just the wrong time to have a relationship.
The thing is I'm not exactly sure I did end it.
He said we don't really have a relationship anymore because we don't see each other!? But we never actually said ok lets end this!
He is right but it feels kind of odd just leaving it like we have.
Anyway thanks very much for your help.
I still have my sights set on travelling, just need to save some money to do it.

M
Maria2000
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Jul 09, 2007 6:45 pm


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