Making plans, then cancelling...over and over

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Making plans, then cancelling...over and over

Postby snowy » Mon Aug 06, 2007 11:16 am

Not sure if this is in the right section but here goes..

I have this habit of making plans to do things or making plans to meet up with people and then cancelling at the last minute. I don't have a good reason for cancelling and I end up making up excuses for doing so. It's really awful and it's made many of my friends and potential friends annoyed.

I did it twice this weekend and I feel really silly about it and angry with myself about it. I don't know why I do it but I have guessed it may be something to do with having control. Although I can't be sure.

Does anybody know what I'm talking about or what it might mean?

:-?


edited by all_apologies: no swearing please
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Postby peecee » Tue Aug 14, 2007 8:25 pm

I didn't post here before now hun, because I used to do what you do, but I don't know why I did it!!! :o But I do understand what you're saying.

I think you're absolutely right when you say it's about control; briefly, because this is your thread! In my gap year, I was an au pair in Germany, and always did as I was told. When I came home, I started behaving as you just described. But then with a slight variation - my mum or my friends would tell me we were going to do such-and-such, and I would say I didn't want to. Then I would suddenly change my mind - have you started doing that yet? That would be a step forward! :D

The only way I could explain it to my mum was that "I've made my protest (whatever that heck THAT was!!), now I'm happy to do whatever". My mum thought that was really funny, bless her. That was probably because she was glad to have me home...But I do agree with you, it was probably about taking control, only not in a very grown-up way.

Right. Down to business. :D What excuses do you give for not going? Are they obviously lame ones, so your friends know something's up? If you agree to do something in the heat of the moment, is it something you need time to think about? Or something you quickly agree to, then eventually decide that you really don't want to do? Or is it something you DO want to do, and you change your mind in the heat of the moment??

If we say that it's a control issue, do you feel you're missing out by not going ahead with plans? We need to get to the bottom of this and work on it, sweet pea.

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Postby snowy » Sat Sep 01, 2007 10:49 pm

peecee wrote:But then with a slight variation - my mum or my friends would tell me we were going to do such-and-such, and I would say I didn't want to. Then I would suddenly change my mind - have you started doing that yet?


No, would be a start alright. :)

What excuses do you give for not going? I normally don't give an excuse, I just apologise for not making it. Sometimes I don't say anything and just let the event pass.

If you agree to do something in the heat of the moment, is it something you need time to think about? I agree to things without thinking about them because I don't know how to say no. :-?

Or something you quickly agree to, then eventually decide that you really don't want to do? This happens too.

Or is it something you DO want to do, and you change your mind in the heat of the moment?? And this aswell....

If we say that it's a control issue, do you feel you're missing out by not going ahead with plans? I feel I've missed out after the event normally and I kick myself for not having the courage to just go anyway.

I know that I started doing this when I was a teeenager as I had very low self esteem and I felt that I didn't deseve to be at the event.

I got more self-confident in my late teens and it rarely happened. Then when I became depressed in my ealry twenties I did it alot. I know that was because of the depression. I have been out of depression for about a year now and I can't blame that. It's either self-esteem or control. Maybe both.

Thank you for replying peecee. I appreciate it very much. :)
Fall seven times, stand up eight.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Anyone can slay a dragon, he told me, but try waking up every morning & loving the world all over again. That’s what takes a real hero.
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