Hi... I don't know where else to go...

For any other problem that has to do with the self.
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Hi... I don't know where else to go...

Postby miss-boo-bear » Sun Nov 25, 2007 3:02 am

Well I sorta get upset about everything really easily and I keep crying, cos it all gets on top of me and I just don't know what to do anymore. I make it obvious enough that there's a problem, but my friends have problems of their own. I spend huge amounts of time trying to help them. I do feel good about it when I can help them, but they seem to just forget about me. I'm only noticed if someone falls out with someone or they have a secret that needs keeping. I'm like the backup plan, but I'm glad they can talk to me. I just wish I felt I could talk to them.

I used to self harm. Not my wrists, my legs and only one or two of my friends knew, but then I found out that they'd told everyone and discussed it and made jokes behind my back. That hurt. I don't cut any more from fear of being found out again, but I scare myself sometimes. I really want to do it again. Not just want, I feel like I need to when I know I shouldn't.

My mum knows I did it, but she was stupid. She just wouldn't let me shave for a while. No-one ever found out why and it's like it was unimportant. I spend all my time stopping myself from crying. I can't let them see I'm not okay, because then I'd see how much they didn't care and that would make it all even worse.

You'll probably say to talk to someone, but there's no-one.
It's almost 2 am and I'm writing this now, so no-one will find me.
I just want to know if there's anyone who can help. I feel like I'm being stupid even writing this... and it's a bit long and ramblie. Sorry, but...
anything would be nice...
I know I've not really addressed the problem, but I feel like It's not exactly as big as I'm making out to be... I don't want to be seen as some kind of drama queen... there isn't really one BIG problem. Just lots of little things that all pile up and get on top of me.

thanks for listening
x
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Postby HappyGoLucky » Sun Nov 25, 2007 4:42 am

Hi there and welcome to PP! :)

miss-boo-bear wrote:I used to self harm. Not my wrists, my legs and only one or two of my friends knew, but then I found out that they'd told everyone and discussed it and made jokes behind my back. That hurt. I don't cut any more from fear of being found out again, but I scare myself sometimes. I really want to do it again. Not just want, I feel like I need to when I know I shouldn't.

If those friends of yours made jokes about it behind your back, they don't seem like your real friends. Self-harming isn't good. The only person you'll end up hurting is yourself. Please do not go back to self-harming as it won't really make things better, although it makes you feel better.

Lots of little things adding up gives a lot of stress. You shouldn't feel stupid about it.

I think you really need counselling. You can at least talk to someone there and feel better. You can PM me if you like when you need someone to talk to.

Hope this helps.
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Postby miss-boo-bear » Mon Nov 26, 2007 6:55 pm

It's sorta helped... The counceling thing scared me...

I don't think it'd work, cos then my mum would have to know...

Thanks though. For replying and welcoming me. :)
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Postby sunshine girl » Mon Nov 26, 2007 8:09 pm

It's not unusual to find that lots of little things overwhelm you so please don't feel bad about that. If you've felt so bad in the past that you've hurt yourself then you might need some professional help in the form of counselling to help you work out why it is you're so unhappy and help you feel better about yourself and your life. That's nothing to be ashamed or afraid of so please don't feel scared by it. Can I ask how old you are? Are you still at school?
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Postby miss-boo-bear » Mon Nov 26, 2007 9:14 pm

Yeah, I'm still at school.

I'm fourteen in december.
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Postby sunshine girl » Mon Nov 26, 2007 11:29 pm

Ok, the reason I ask is that a lot of schools will offer a counselling service and you would be able to see someone without having to tell your Mum if you feel that telling your Mum is something that you really can't do. It is also worth talking to a teacher if there is one you can trust.

Another thing that you could consider is calling Childline, the call is free and you could even call from a phone box if you feel you need to so you wouldn't have to do it at home. I do feel that as you have hurt yourself in the past and are feeling tempted to do it again, it's important that you talk to someone about it.

These services exist to help people like you, there are a lot of people who need a bit of extra help to deal with things, it's ok to ask for some help. It might be that your friends aren't quite emotionally mature enough to help you deal with your problem and that is why it feels like they don't care. They feel out of their depth with the problem so they make fun of you so they don't have to deal with it. I think someone a bit older might be more understanding and be able to support you better. I really think you should give it a try.
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Postby pink stripes » Tue Nov 27, 2007 1:00 am

Hi,

I think sunshine girl has 'hit the nail on the head' here.

I really do agree with everything she's said. Your friends probably don't know how they can help you.

I really do think that callin one of the lines that sunshine girl suggested is the best way forward here :) You can talk to someone annoymous, who you don't have to worry about them taking the mick or anything like that. But you can be rest assured that you are talking to someone who knows how to help you and will listen to you :)
--x
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Postby miss-boo-bear » Tue Nov 27, 2007 6:55 pm

Thanks.

I'll think about that.

You've all been great. :)
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