feel like most of the past 10 years have been wasted!

For any other problem that has to do with the self.
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feel like most of the past 10 years have been wasted!

Postby alphamach » Sat May 03, 2008 8:31 pm

It feels like my life today should have been 10 years ago + some more too.

How do I turn this around for the better?
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Postby all_apologies » Sat May 03, 2008 9:12 pm

Could you explain in a little more detail to help us advise you better?
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Postby peecee » Mon May 19, 2008 10:04 pm

alphamach wrote:- im male 27 and just wanna have fun whether its 1 woman, 2 or 3 - as long as we are all clean and no one gets hurt - im sure 1 high drived woman is enough.

as long as she is really into me too which of course she would have to be to have alot of sex

I am frustrated right now - and dont know what to do

it isnt all about sex, I would like to just chill with someone too and get on great together (who doesnt i guess) - I want both

I am lost - I obviously have to change things somewhere whether it be my confidence, personality or actions?

other things seem like they are starting to suffer - I need balance in this life
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Postby peecee » Mon May 19, 2008 10:05 pm

snail wrote:Hi there

Can you be a bit more specific - what is it that's stopping you from finding a woman in order to have a relationship like this? Why do you feel you need to change things about yourself?
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Postby Bel Bel » Tue May 20, 2008 10:11 am

Have you tried dating sites
Do you go out mcuh to meet other people
Have you tried joining any local clubs that interest you to meet like minded people
No one will just coming knocking on your door you have to make some opportunites yourself
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Postby alphamach » Sat May 24, 2008 11:41 pm

Its me - women are not attracted to me -
I don't even know what to say or do etc - Why am I like this?
this isn't normal!
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Postby snail » Mon May 26, 2008 10:32 pm

I think it would be more accurate to say "At the moment I'm not having much luck with women" or "I haven't recently found a suitable woman to be my girlfriend". It's not true to absolutely say that women aren't attracted to you - everyone is attractive to someone, and I'm quite sure plenty of people would find you attractive.

From what you've said in this and your other thread, it seems that you are pretty unhappy with yourself at the moment. It would be quite difficult to start a relationship with anyone under those circumstances - you have to feel at least reasonably happy first. Stop beating yourself up by saying things like "Why am I like this?" - you have good reasons to be like you are. I don't know what they are, but I know they are good reasons, because they always are. If you criticise yourself all the time, you'll not only feel worse about yourself but you'll make it harder to solve your problems, because you're undermining your own confidence and belief in your own abilities. There's nothing wrong with anything you're doing or feeling - you're trying to find your way through life like all the rest of us. You could well find that other people, who will have a different perspective to you, think that you've achieved a lot for your age - or more than them, anyway! (This happened to me recently – I was talking to someone of my own age whom I was a bit jealous of because I thought he’d achieved much more than I had. As we talked about ourselves, I found that he thought some of the things I’d done, which I didn’t think much of, were very impressive. We just had different points of view!).

You had a lot of suggestions in your other thread about making lists etc. I think that this is still a good practical way forward. Identify what it is that is bothering you most about your life at the moment. Refine it down until it's as specific as it could be, i.e. take it from "I want more money" to "I want enough money to live in a larger house" to "I need to make £50 a week more than I do now to enable me to move into a 2-bed flat in North Camden" - if you see what I mean! This gives you a very definite goal - to find another £50 a week. From this you can work out ways to do this - i.e. work 2 shifts at the local pub on top of the job you have, or something similar. Try doing this with anything else that bothers you, like not having a girlfriend. Refine the problem down and down, until it's really specific, as specific as it could possibly be. Then work out possible plans of action, and start on these. Work on one aspect of your life at a time, so it doesn't seem too overwhelming. As soon as you improve one thing, it'll make others seem easier. But just saying "I want more fun and interest in my life" is so vague - it makes you feel bad without actually giving you any clue as to what you could do.

If you find this doesn't seem to help or, as you put it, you can't seem to stay on track, then I really think it would be worthwhile trying to find a counsellor to chat to. A counsellor is simply someone who's older and wiser, who's trained in human psychology, and who can give you a fresh perspective on your problems. One of the bad things about being unhappy or depressed is that it tends to make us think in very rigid ways - "My life is rubbish" "I'm useless" - or even "Women aren't attracted to me"!. Your thinking gets stuck in patterns, and this is the time that you can really benefit from another point of view.

Finally, remember that you're still young - you have lots of time to do anything that you want to do. And you certainly are normal!
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Postby Steve1213284 » Tue May 27, 2008 9:12 am

Hmm, you need to get your self esteem up and that will attract females. Go to the gym or join a sport club (whatever sport you like) Just find something you're good at and you'll become more confident and confidence attracts women.

Don't forget to go out where you can meet new people and don't be afraid of it. Good Luck!
Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose. - Tom Krause
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Postby Bel Bel » Tue May 27, 2008 2:59 pm

Fantastic post snail
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