Don't know what to do with myself

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Don't know what to do with myself

Postby EmmieK » Thu Jun 12, 2008 10:51 am

Hi everyone,

This is my first time to the forums in quite a while. I just thought I needed some honest opinions to hopefully give me a reality check.

Life at the moment just doesn't feel right for me at the moment. I had a 4year realationship that ended in October when he had met someone else on the internet. We tried again but it just wouldn't work. We still live together as really good friends but he now has a job interview in London and I feel that the last person I trust and knows me is moving away.

Since then I just seem to not be able to manage alone. I was close to a married guy on and off for a while and saw sense and said I couldn't be involved there as there was no future for us. I then a month or so ago met a lovely guy at work who was/is fantastic. He was the first guy since my break up who wanted to take me out for me, and didn't expect anything in return. Every guy other than that has spoken about a bit of fun only. Me and this guy chatted loads, had a night together, were planning to go away together, then 2hours before we were due to meet the other day I just get a text saying 'Sorry...I think i've met someone else'. He then said maybe we could talk about it the following day, but then nothing from him. I just kind of feel that either a guy is always going to want me for just some fun or only to be interested in me until something better comes along

Also with my work everyone always seems down due to uncertainty of whether our jobs are secure. Also people just seem to not enjoy work as much and because of this the days seem a lot longer. I always smile with passengers (I am cabin crew) and am always trying to stay happy but I even get comments that I smile too much and should sit down and chill for a bit rather than working so hard, and that brings me down. Everyone seems to have their own lives also, and all I have to look forward to is having to find a houseshare and working at a job I love but every one I work with brings it down.

I feel like if I could be anywhere right now, I have no idea where it would be, like I don't belong anywhere. I am more social since me and the ex separated, but I just feel like time is just passing me by. I automatically felt like I had done something and went to comparing myself with other girls at work as soon as that guy had said he had met someone, and I'm just feeling so emotional over it all. He was the first guy I actually was completely honest with and it felt so right, and I couldn't understand how two days before he could be sorting out a day out together then less than two hours before saying he had met someone.

The guy works on the ground at the airport. I told my ex about him a few weeks ago which resulted to a bad situation. Me and the ex flew together and he ended up calling me a slag, tart and flaunting myself, and I knew he said it as he was angry as he apologised when we got home. But it resulted in both of us being taken off the flight together, and it getting around work what happened. I get on really well with one of the girls on the ground, who confided in me that two of the other ground girls had said maybe I deserve it and my ex was right. The girl who said it doesn't know me, and seems to generally have a problem with airline girls. She previously said I looked liek a tart on a recent night out, but I can't confront her as it will be obvious my mate from the ground had told me these things and I don't want to make things awakward for her. When my ex said that others at work think I act like a slag also, it made me feel hurt. I don't sleep around, I am professional with passengers, and keep trying to think what I do that is so wrong for people to think that. I have a laugh and flirt, but don't go over lines. I have messed about ina jokey way in conversations, but only with my best gay male mate!

I just feel so unhappy. When I received that text my ex gave me a hug, and went to the shops, got a picnic and took me out to cheer me up, I know I still love him but more as a good friend and we both care a lot for each other, and I know I will miss him loads when he moves away. I have been supportive with the job interview and I do honestly wish him well as he is a fantastic guy, but it has just hit me that now I maybe need to start changing my life, as I am not happy with how I am right now.

Sorry if I didn't make sense...or went on a bit! I just haven't a clue on what to do.

Thanks x
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Postby Bel Bel » Thu Jun 12, 2008 5:49 pm

It sounds like you ahve had a few knocks lately and I think becasue of this you are really vunerable
i reckon normally peopel could say bad things and you'd be the type to shrug them off
It's a shame you and the ex got in a fight, it's obvious he still cares about you thats why he reacted like he did. But you know yourself caring about someone and makinga realtionship with them is completely different.
He isn't deserting you deliberatley and it will give you a chance to move on properly, not many people could cope with their g/f living with the ex so perahaps it is a good thing
Look at the flat share as an opportunity to meet new people
I suspect the girl who slagged you off is a bit of a hater or she is jealous (you have the job that people consider glamerous whilst she is ground staff or she fancies your ex.) Don't try to second guess just her. As you say she doesn't know you well so don't take any notice of her. Even if you could confront her it doesn't mean she will change her view anyway she would probably bare faced lie to your face and deny it. Most people do when they are caught out like this
Can you change your route at work to give you a change and to meet new cabin staff?
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Postby EmmieK » Fri Jun 13, 2008 11:12 am

Thanks Bel Bel,

With the industry I am in you kinda get used to everyone knowing everyones business and gossiping, so you just get used to it. Unfortuantly the routes are only european so I do fly with a mix of people.

I have been thinking and I may just up and leave. Not run away, but I have always played things safe, and now with my ex going it may be my chance to find a job with more prospects and just move. It is quite a scary thought but maybe a fresh start is what I need, and being within the airline industry it can get very bitchy and juvenile, so maybe it is time to move on. I guess I just need to stop centralising my whole life around a guy and think about myself for a bit. I kinda of was honest with my ex for the first time in years last night, and ended up quite tearful and accepted I flirt with guys to get attention, and he understood I just wanted to well...feel wanted. Guess it is what I do with that revelation that matters the most. But I feel I wont be able to change that part of me if I stay where I am now.

Thanks again Bel Bel
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Postby captainf » Fri Jun 13, 2008 4:16 pm

Something that confused me was the fact that you said your ex had got involved with someone online which led to you guys breaking up.. and then got annoyed with you after you got involved with another guy. I fail to see how or why he has reason to state an opinion on you dating someone else when he had been involved with someone else. Granted that you did try again but if things didnt work you're perfectly entitled to see someone new. He had no right to call you those names and in doing so he made himself look stupid and I doubt the airline was too happy with him after that display in flight.

Sorry that the other guy didnt stick around though. Sounds as if you just got involved with the wrong guys. Dont worry too much though. You're young and it takes time to find the perfect partner. It sounds like you did well at a young age - having a house, career as air cabin crew, a partner etc. Very good and successful. However, just because things are going wrong now it doesnt mean that they will consistently go wrong in the future. Bare that in mind.

I understand what you mean regarding to the 'community' side to aviation where everyone knows everyone elses business. Its much like that on my level of aviation too. However, I always find its best to literally ignore the rumours and even ignore the gossip thats going around. Quite often much of it is either not true, or the whole story is never told. But who really does care? If you dont listen to it then it really doesnt matter and the more defiant you are towards the rumours or 'nosey' people sticking their nose in your business the happier you're likely to be in time.

However, should it get too much for you at your currently airline, you could always swap the orange uniform for a different colour. Why not try applying to the likes of Baby or Thomsonfly.. or many other airlines depending on whether you can relocate or not.

Life is hard for the airlines at the moment due to the rising cost of oil but that will be a temporary thing - the likes of Ryanair, Easyjet etc will be fine so i'm sure that your airline and your job will be secure (saw a news report a few days ago that your airlines ordered some new Airbus's with more fuel efficient engines - airlines who are about to lay off staff dont do that) Atleast you have been keeping a high spirit and smiling is good! Passengers like to see happy staff and you're fulfilling that.

So overall what can you do - Well, your ex moving away is a blessing but right now you cant see that. Him being around is contributing to you feeling so unhappy but with him out of the way you can start focusing on you and actually getting yourself up and running into a position where you don't require anyone to fall back on, so to speak. You'll also have more room to breath and as time goes by being without him will be much easier. Its hard to go from partners to friends overnight and live under the same roof. Consider if you can carry on at your current airline and if you cant then fill in application forms at other airlines. You will, in time, be happy again and dont give up something you love just because of a few bad eggs making your life miserable. Its temporary.
Remember how the runway lights looked one night long ago when you were lost and found your way, and how-you still dont know?
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Postby EmmieK » Thu Jun 19, 2008 10:21 am

Hey...long time no speak Ash :)

Thanks for that. Well to be honest I'm thinking of applying for work away from the airline industry all together. I really do love my job, and love passengers and do have fun at work also, which is a good thing with a job, but at the end of the day I only enjoy working from small bases, and with small bases unfortuantly there isn't much room for development and promotion.

My ex is at his interview in London today. He really is making the effort bless him, and I am thinking it is nice how hopefully whne he moves away he will go on good terms. I've lived with him for 4years now and it would be a shame to part on bad terms.

Regarding the guy from work I was involved with, he really confused me. I was boarding the other day and he saw me, waved and then drove over to my plane to say hi. He then said we needed a chat to clear the air as we both still get on and said he would ring me as soon as I finished work if I text when I landed. So I text...nothing. The next day I saw him and just thought I can't be bothered with him, but then i got a text saying he fell asleep and would make sure he met my plane later that evening. When he did he said he would call as soon as he finished...nothing. So just felt a bit messed around and waited for my mate from another flight to get back. We had a good chat and good cry but she told me it's not fair he is messing with me, and it is the uncertainty and game playing that is doing my head in. So instead I text him saying don't worry abou the chat, I just wanted to know I hadn't done anything wrong to cause what happened with us. I also told him that I am not fussed if the girls he works with witch about me, I can handle that, but now they are witching about a girl they work with just because she gets on with us crew, and she is lovely and has always been a good friend to him and he should not be so gutless and actually stand up for her even if he is screwing one of the girls who does the witching (ok...I didn't say that last little bit about screwing).

Well I have a 2weeks holiday of walking and exploring in a few weeks, so I shall use that time to maybe think of what I want to do career wise. Quite scary to think I could be finding a new job.

Oh p.s. Ash...know the airline is safe, it seems to be one of those that should make it to the other side once the year is up and others go bust, but being a small base who knows...Dortmund is already most likely to go
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