Pregnant & Scared/Confused Over Bf :(

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Pregnant & Scared/Confused Over Bf :(

Postby ImYourPrincess » Mon Nov 24, 2008 4:24 pm

Basically ive found out im 9 weeks pregnant. Im 19, and it was very very unexpected.
At 1st my BF told me he'd offer his unconditional support. Which was a huge relief. Then suddenly out of the blue, he's changed - He's not ready for a baby, and doesnt want anything to do with it & can never love it!! He's sayin he still wants to be in a relationship with me ... but i know that could never ever work!! So now ive pretty much been givin the option HIM OR THE BABY!! Which i think is the most horrible thing ever!!
My family are 100% supportive and as for his .... well they said they'd stand by his decision but want me to get rid also :(

I really dont know what to do ... I mean if he was anything of a man he's stand by me! and if he loved me, would he really say all this?
I understand he's scared ... but im absolutely terrified!!! This wasnt in any of my plans, i had things i wanted to do to, but im totally 100% against abortion :(

btw im 19 ...

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Re: Pregnant & Scared/Confused Over Bf :(

Postby snail » Mon Nov 24, 2008 8:30 pm

If you're against abortion, would adoption be a possibility? That would solve everybody's problems, at least in a practical way (obviously there would be immense emotional issues).

If adoption is not an issue either, then unfortunately there is nothing you can do about your boyfriend's attitude. It's obvious that once the reality of it sunk in, he panicked and didn't want anything to do with it. Although I agree that he has let you down terribly, an unexpected pregnancy so young is a very hard thing to deal with. I know it's very hard for you and in some ways much harder, but at least you have choices - he probably feels powerless.

His family are bound to want whatever he wants, so don't pay too much attention to that. Thankfully your own family are supporting you.

I don't see that there is much you can do at the moment except repeat gently but firmly, that you are carrying the baby to term with a view to adoption/keeping the baby (whichever it is). I think it might be best to take a break from the relationship until the baby is born, as it must be causing you a lot of stress. This will give your boyfriend time to adjust, and protect you from the distress of him urging you to get rid of it. After it is born you'll have to let him decide what he wants to do.

Best of luck, you seem to be coping very well in a very difficult situation.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Pregnant & Scared/Confused Over Bf :(

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Nov 25, 2008 11:04 am

What happens if you choose an abortion/adoption and then your bf decides to leave. Just because he wants you to get rid of it, doesn't mean to say he will still stick around afterwards because it's been a shock to him as well. Looking at it from a worst case scenario, you A) have the baby and be a single parent or you B) have an abortion/adoption, go through the emotional pain of doing either and he leaves you. It is totally your decision, it is your body and your life it will ultimately effect most. You decide what YOU want and not what he wants.
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Re: Pregnant & Scared/Confused Over Bf :(

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Nov 25, 2008 11:54 am

Well I wouldn't want him to be my partner if he has treated you like this because you'll never be able to trust him to be there for you. If he comes round he can be a father but that doesn't mean you have to be with him.
I would dump him and be prepared to be a single parent (as you have said abortion isn't an option for you)
I won't lie, I had a baby at 20, she is 17 now. It is very hard on your own. People offer to babysit and everything but the reality is you are always the one stuck in on new years eve and tend to miss out on stuff. People come and help loads at first then it dwindles off and you are on your own, especially at night when the baby is crying or sick. Don't get me wrong because I don't regret my daughter but it is tough on your own and as long as you realiase that and don't think it's all cute baby clothes and lullabies. Friends can often become a bit detached from you too especially if they don't have babies. As you know until this happened your priorites were probably parties, shopping and socialising with friends and it's difficult to accomodate that with a baby
I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide
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