Confidence issues

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Confidence issues

Postby RayOfLight » Tue Apr 14, 2009 8:48 pm

Sorry if this post seems really pathetic, but I really need to tell someone.

Since I started secondary school I've been picked on. Its not bullying as I have never been beaten up or singled out or anything like that. Basically I have been called fat and ugly since about year 7. Mostly by people I didn't even know. Becuase of this I have no confidence or self esteem. When people were saying these things I either pretended I couldn't hear or just laugh it off. But it absolutely killed me inside. I'll admit Im no Angelina Jolie but I have feelings and I think people don't realise this. Its also made me really paranoid. I barely leave the house because I know that people talk about me behind my back and I hate it. I feel like people are staring at me and judging me. Im really shy and I go bright red when someone speaks to me. Its really embarrassing. Im 17 and in college now but I feel like I am never going to change. Like im stuck in a rut.

I really want to change my appearance as I feel this will boost my confidence a bit. But I don't know how to. I know that sounds stupid but I've been like this forever and I don't know how to change.

Everyone around me is growing up and started dating. I haven't even had my first kiss. Im not desperate but I have had no male attention whatsoever and I hate it. (If you saw me you would realise why I have none)

All my friends go to a different college to me and I barely see them. They all have different friends and I feel like we have nothing in common anymore. I miss them like hell. All my other friends live ages away so I hardly see them. Becuase of this I hardly ever leave the house. Its the holidays at the moment and I haven't done anything. I feel so lonely and stupid.

I just feel like I need to change or I will go insane. But I'm scared too. I feel like my past is never going to leave me... Sorry about the huge post. I have never told anyone about this.
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Re: Confidence issues

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed Apr 15, 2009 9:49 am

Involve yourself in differnt groups at college or get talking to people you wouldn't normally like to hang around with and see how it goes.

You say you want to change your appearance; the most simple way to do so is to wear make-up or different make-up; or get a new hair style.

Wow you are 17 and haven't had a first kiss; I know you'll feel like it's the end of the world now; however looking back on it in 10 years time you'll realise you were being silly at the time and that you were pleased you waited for the right person rather than having a sloppy first kiss with anyone just because you can.
A hug is a great gift, one size fits all.
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Re: Confidence issues

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Apr 15, 2009 11:57 am

you really hgave to work on loving yourself becasue without realising it you are giving out singals to others that you have no confidence this makes it difficult for pepopl to find you attractive s a friend or a girlfriend and also makes you an easy target for those sad people who pick on you.
Generally people who have bad things to say have self esteem issues themselves and cover it up but targeting other people
You can't please everyone so stop trying to just get happy with yourself
If you are overweight join a rosemary connolly class which gives diet and excercise help, you can meet others in a similar sitaution as you too and then help each other
As dipsy says change your hair or clothes. If you go to a good hairdresser like tony and guy they will help you decide what to do
Write things down you like about yourself physically and personality wise nd read it to yourself everyday to try and boost your confidence
Change can come but you need to help yourself
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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Re: Confidence issues

Postby crumpetsandtea » Fri Apr 17, 2009 9:39 am

I just wanted to echo what everyone else has said really and that you have to start loving yourself first before anyone else will.

Being called fat and ugly at school is bullying, and I'm not one bit surprised that you feel the way you do, but its time to put all that behind you now and move on. You're right, people don't think when they make comments like that and no, they often don't realise you have feelings too, but children can be cruel. If they spot weakness, or someone who will take those sort of comments on the chin, they carry on, either for a laugh or to show off to their friends. And you have to realise that 9.9 times out of 10, its not anything personal against you, its just immature people showing off to their mates.

I also want to say that not everyone looks like Kate Moss in their teens. They don't call them those 'awkward teenage years' for nothing. Some annoying people go through those years gracefully... the majority of us endure puppy fat, spots, greasy hair and our siblings hand-me-downs. I'm now 22, I've left school, and the amount of people who I've bumped into in the street and thought, 'Oh my god, is that so-and-so from school?' because they've really changed and blossomed is unreal. There's no reason why you can't be one of those people!
You say you're no Angelina Jolie, but neither is 99.9% of the population. What I can't stress enough is that the most attractive thing about a person is confidence. Its all about how you sell yourself. If you were trying to sell your car you wouldn't point out the rust or the fact that you backed it into a wall, you would ignore those minor points and concentrate on how reliable it is and the fact that you have a sun roof. People want to surround themselves with confident, positive people, and these kind of people, regardless of looks, are people magnets!

Concentrate on your good points. You might be a talented singer, a straight A student or even just really good at crosswords, it doesn't matter! Think about the things you are proud of, that make you, you.
Join a class at your gym. It'll get you fit, you'll meet new people and if you try something fun like salsa you'll have a laugh too. Exercise has a knock on effect on your mood and energy levels. The more you do, the more energised you feel, and it releases some sort of mood boosting chemical to make you happier too. Mixing with new people, and realising you ARE interesting and have something to offer will also boost your confidence.

Go out and get your hair cut, go on a shopping spree and use this as a fresh start. Draw a line under the old you, and forget about all the comments and remarks made in the past.

If you miss your friends then MAKE AN EFFORT. Ring them up, go for a coffee, meet them on your lunch break at college, anything. Friendships take work. Tell them you've missed them and you want to meet up more. Yeah they might have new friends, but they could be your friends too.

The only person who can change your life is you. Don't use your experiences in the past as an excuse not to change your future or keep blaming other people for how you feel. Its terrible how you were treated, but draw a line under it, because what happens now is in your hands, no one is going to do it for you.
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Re: Confidence issues

Postby RayOfLight » Sun Apr 19, 2009 2:15 pm

Thanks for the advice you guys..

I've decided to take up kickboxing near where I live. Im also walking to my college now instead of getting the bus. I need to lose some weight. This is the main thing I dislike about me.


Thanks xx
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Re: Confidence issues

Postby spacegirl » Sun Apr 19, 2009 2:36 pm

Hi rayoflight, glad to hear you're taking some action. like everyone says, once you start to see your good points other people will see them too. the only person who is like angelina jolie is angelina jolie, the rest of us have to make to with what we've got! as for making friends etc. you'll probably fnd that you'll meet people at your kickboxing class that you've a lot in common with. the people at your school are immature, and insecure, bullies who for some reason feel the need to target you. you should take the high road and rise above their silly comments.

crumpets and tea is right, there's no reason why you should drift away from your friends. everyone has a mobile phone, or msn, or facebook. it's not like they moved to the other side of the planet... make the effort to organise nights out or lunch, cinema trips etc., you'll get to meet their new friends too and you'll find that you'll be a lot happier when you realise you still have your old friends who love you and care for you for who you are.

obviously i don't know you and can't comment on your appearance or anything, but i'm a firm believer that everyones positive points always outweigh their negative, you just need to bring them to the surface.
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