p*rn

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p*rn

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jun 02, 2009 8:58 am

I know this topic comes up LOADS and LOADS so please bare with me.

My bf has recently been signing himself up for "free sex chat" - and "premium sex chat" where he pays for it; I'm just wondering what 'exactly' is it?
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Re: p*rn

Postby rufio89 » Tue Jun 02, 2009 9:08 am

like phonelines??

It's like where you call and someone talks dirty to you...

How do you feel about this dipsy?
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Re: p*rn

Postby Skarlet » Tue Jun 02, 2009 9:16 am

There are a few different types. The premium one is fairly expensive. they have some of the channels on sky, where you can apparently 'see' the girls you are talking to. I think the general idea is that they talk dirty down the phone as Rufio said, telling the guy sexual acts that they would perform on him. At least that is what I think it is... I think there are also ones that send pictures to the mobile thats registered.
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Re: p*rn

Postby RagDoll » Tue Jun 02, 2009 9:46 am

I'm not entirely sure what it is, but I'd assume the above 2 posts have got it pretty much right.

As Rufio said, how do you feel about this and why don't you ask him what it is?
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Re: p*rn

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jun 02, 2009 10:26 am

rufio89 wrote:like phonelines??


Its via a web site.

rufio89 wrote:How do you feel about this dipsy?


Peeved off enough to post about it (and I stew on things a few days before deciding if it's bothering me enough to talk to someone about it). I personally don't like it, but as we don't live together I don't mind him using p*rn, I have no right to tell him not to; I think I do object to the "chat" bit though.

I can't really ask him as I "accidentally" came across it. It's not like it was in full view; I was looking for something and saw it...he did have P*rn downloaders on his desktop and when I stopped using the computer, they mysteriously "disappeared"...I do have full access to his computer so it's not like I can't not see the stuff. It's also because it's really expensive and he's going to be made redundant in a fortnight, but I guess if thats how he wants to spend his money, then so be it.

I always say it's ok except when it starts to interfere, I normally only get to see him at weekends - Friday night to Sunday night, the last 2 weekends he's just not been "interested", he's not been so attention seeking so to speak, he normally never wants to put me down and clings to me, but the last 2 weekends and the last couple of weeks he's just kind of shrugged it (me) off. It's like I text saying "what are you up to?" - an hour later he replied "playing pixels" - I text back "oh I could have really done with a chat but since you are busy playing pixels it doesn't matter" - ok I was being a bit stroppy; pixels are all his online games which I always say get more priority than me (they don't a lot of the time but sometimes they do) and he just texted back about an hour later saying "ok" - or something plain like that...When I text back and when I spoke to him at the weekend I said "you could have at least pretended to care"...he just keeps saying he does care and that I don't need to "make an appointment" to call - I know I don't but I asked in case he had friends over, I don't want to be on the phone for ages if he's got his friends over.
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Re: p*rn

Postby Skarlet » Tue Jun 02, 2009 10:35 am

If its online, i think its girls with webcams- who do similar things but with chat and show and tell. I have seen ads for them on my bf's pc when looking up WoW stuff. How do you know he has signed up to it?

I would object to the chat part as well. Are you worried by his lack of interest, or do you think its just a stress related thing linked to his redundancy?
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Re: p*rn

Postby RagDoll » Tue Jun 02, 2009 10:45 am

I wouldn't like it either. I know a lot of people will say "it's something that all blokes do" as if that makes it ok, but I really don't see why they have to look at p*rn. I know you're not saying you object to him watching it, but personally I have a problem with it.

If you were looking for something else, but accidently came across it, then why not mention it to him? (sorry if I've mis-understood something here).

Have you asked him why he's not being so attentive recently or got any inkling as to why?
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Re: p*rn

Postby kerrie24 » Tue Jun 02, 2009 10:46 am

In my opinion,a guy who has a girlfriend shouldnt be using chat lines.Porn yeah its normal,but to get off on another womens voice or whatever its not acceptable I think its not too different to having dirty calls/texts off any other woman,for example someone he worked with,its just these women get paid.
Id definitly bring it up,I mean he can hardly accuse you of spying on him if he knows you have access to his computer.
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Re: p*rn

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jun 02, 2009 11:17 am

alicat wrote:How do you know he has signed up to it?


E-mails and e-mail receipts. I honestly accidentlaly signed into his hotmail, on his computer I have my e-mail saved so I don't have to type it in each time. I'm so used to it being the bottom one, so I clicked on it and it goes on to his emails. OR if I plain type in hotmail and he hasnt signed out it takes me directly to his inbox.

alicat wrote:Are you worried by his lack of interest, or do you think its just a stress related thing linked to his redundancy?


I don't think he's stressed about it; if he was he'd have applied for more than a handful of jobs. Or done his CV when they first heard instead of last week (a month later than I would have done it). I'm not particularly worried about his lack of interest, it's just even when I say he just says "I do care", I'm just more peeved off with the whole thing.

RagDoll wrote:I wouldn't like it either. I know a lot of people will say "it's something that all blokes do" as if that makes it ok, but I really don't see why they have to look at p*rn. I know you're not saying you object to him watching it, but personally I have a problem with it.


I don't agree with the whole porn thing so I do have a problem with it, it's just that when we don't live together I can't expect him to stop using it. I don't mind him just watching it - I do but within limits.

RagDoll wrote:If you were looking for something else, but accidently came across it, then why not mention it to him? (sorry if I've mis-understood something here).


I will but in a couple of weeks, I'll see what I can do about it without mentioning it directly first.

RagDoll wrote:Have you asked him why he's not being so attentive recently or got any inkling as to why?


He blamed the stress of college, but it's gotten worse since he finished college. My only inkling is the online stuff...

kerrie24 wrote:In my opinion,a guy who has a girlfriend shouldnt be using chat lines.Porn yeah its normal,but to get off on another womens voice or whatever its not acceptable I think its not too different to having dirty calls/texts off any other woman,for example someone he worked with,its just these women get paid.


Thanks, you summed it up well there, you probably won't have saw some of my old problem posts, but he had a "chat" with a girl he used to work with...and I hit the roof. It was more because he lied to me about it, if he'd done it and told me, I would have been upset, it was the fact I had evidence, he laughed at me and LIED about it. Then said "you aren't going to be upset about it all day are you" - here we are almost 16 months later and I'm STILL upset about it. It was more the fact he lied about it than the doing it. In the "chat" with this girl he didn't say much but to me it over stepped the boundaries - he said "I'm horny" she said something about don't you have a gf and he said "yes but she isn't here" - I must admit she didnt encourage him - she did at one point but thats ok...then they got talking about "topless photos on her face book" and she said why don't you look at them...(I dont think she has any on). He also said my gf needs to be fed up a bit, I like girls with a bit of meat on them...i.e. curvey...exactly like the girl he was talking too. TBH it was that comment which hurt more. I didn't see the whole conversation; but some of what he'd said was the same stuff he said to me when (in his own words) I was trying to flirt with you. She also texted him at new year (they'd had the conversation a day or so earlier), I don't know what was said..once we'd saw who it was who texted then he turned his phone away and texted. Another point is he'd then the next day "tried" to quickly delete all of his messages, I was being silly swinging backwards and forwards where I was sat and everytime I swung forwards he hid the phone and then gave it to me to play with (once the messages were deleted). He just then does something which brings the whole "coversation" back up and then I get upset again.

He did offer to hoover my car for me at the weekend and wash the windows for me...I did ask what had he done? - He normally offers to take me out for a meal or tries to do something quite nice when he's done something wrong. He did wash the windows for me - there were streaks in his line of vision but he didn't hoover because I said I didn't want to do it.
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Re: p*rn

Postby Skarlet » Tue Jun 02, 2009 11:42 am

Yeh, I have had my emails read by an ex boyfriend because of that. Not that you did it on purpose though.

I would have been very hurt by that sort of comment, and can completely understand why it still upsets you now. Do you trust him?
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Re: p*rn

Postby RagDoll » Tue Jun 02, 2009 11:45 am

dipsydoodlenoodle wrote:It was more because he lied to me about it


Well unfortunately I can relate to this. I think you will recall my posts about my boyfriends' lies?!

I think all I can advise here is that you speak to your boyfriend about it. As you've said, you weren't deliberately snooping, so you shouldn't feel guilty about bringing it up. I would ask him why he feels the need to subscribe to such things and doesn't he think there are more important things to be spending his money on - but that's just me, I am direct like that and wouldn't have been able to keep it to myself even for this long.
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Re: p*rn

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jun 02, 2009 11:57 am

alicat wrote:Do you trust him?


I do trust him, it's not like he goes out clubbing or drinking on nights to get up to antics; he doesn't like clubbing or drinking. He rarely goes out; when he does he goes to his friends to play the likes of dungeons and dragons. He lives with 3 other people (one being his brother) and I don't honestly think that his brother or his friends would allow him to do anything unacceptable. I know things die down naturally but for someone who is exceptionally clingy to me, it's weird. I think most people would be annoyed at the clingy-ness but I'd prefer him to be clingy and always wanting a cuddle than someone who isn't clingy and will go off on nights out all the time.

I remember your post Ragdoll, because I think I used the "conversation" as an example of lies, how they hurt and what happened.

I am direct I just prefer to stew on it for a while first to make sure I'm not being stupid, or irrational, usually I stew for a while to see if it still bothers me in a few days and by then I've normally calmed down not to shout. I will speak to him about it but at the weekend; I'm seeing him tonight (cinema) and tomorrow (mine) but the weekend will give him a "longer" chance and I'll be able to see if he's going to be the same as he has been for last couple of weekends, if he is I'll then speak to him.

RagDoll wrote:I would ask him why he feels the need to subscribe to such things


I don't understand why anyone subscribes to them, I mean you can buy it, download it, download it free etc...
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Re: p*rn

Postby Skarlet » Tue Jun 02, 2009 12:08 pm

I think people subscribe tothem, because they are easy, non commital way to get sexual kicks. Thats the impression I get as to why people would want to use p*rn or sex lines, there is no pressure to perform, to give pleasure and its ultimately a selfish way to get their kicks. Obviously that isn't true of everyone, and I am not against p*rn but there are times when it replaces sex in a loving relationship that it is damaging.

I am pleased you trust him, you are much more forgiving then I would be.
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Re: p*rn

Postby RagDoll » Tue Jun 02, 2009 12:11 pm

dipsydoodlenoodle wrote:I am direct I just prefer to stew on it for a while first to make sure I'm not being stupid, or irrational, usually I stew for a while to see if it still bothers me in a few days and by then I've normally calmed down not to shout. I will speak to him about it but at the weekend; I'm seeing him tonight (cinema) and tomorrow (mine) but the weekend will give him a "longer" chance and I'll be able to see if he's going to be the same as he has been for last couple of weekends, if he is I'll then speak to him.


I think this sounds sensible. I'm quite hot-headed so I tend to react straight away which isn't always the best thing to do. I wish I could consider things more before I react, but even if I do give it some time, I don't normally calm down, I just get more and more wound up (am I making myself sound mental here? lol).

Anyway, as I said I think the best thing to do is to speak to him about it and obviously waiting until you have a proper chance to do that is the best thing to do. Just going back to one of the earlier posts where you said:

dipsydoodlenoodle wrote:but the last 2 weekends and the last couple of weeks he's just kind of shrugged it (me) off


Are you referring to sex here? (obviously you don't have to answer this if it's too personal a question)
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Re: p*rn

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jun 02, 2009 12:27 pm

RagDoll wrote:
dipsydoodlenoodle wrote:but the last 2 weekends and the last couple of weeks he's just kind of shrugged it (me) off


Are you referring to sex here? (obviously you don't have to answer this if it's too personal a question)


Yes and in general. The weekend before I didn't say anything because well you know sometimes people just don't feel like it...when I left he went on the premium chat....this weekend again nothing...I said something and he said "well I'm not stopping you" - it wasn't a yes or positive. Again Sunday night...premium chat.

RagDoll wrote:I'm quite hot-headed so I tend to react straight away which isn't always the best thing to do. I wish I could consider things more before I react, but even if I do give it some time, I don't normally calm down, I just get more and more wound up (am I making myself sound mental here? lol).


No because I do as well, I try to calm down, instead of shouting it just makes me upset.
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