p*rn

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Re: p*rn

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Jun 04, 2009 9:25 am

Well my way of dealing with that is to say
"Ok I am not very happy and i'd like you to explain yourself"
He will react with "I don't know what your talking about "or start telling all these things he thinks he has done wrong
If he says he doesn't know you give him a hint ie "why don't we start with the premium porn stuff"
This way you don't let him know what you know but hope he is scared/honest enough to fess up. You make him beleive you know it all and tell him if he lies it will be worse so whole truth and nothing but will do - i find this tactic often reveals more then you knew at all. If he tries to say he doesn't know what your talking about say "don't take me for a mug, I know so your only making yourself look like a liar and if you lie about this I won't be able to trust you on anything else" - this usually is enough of a veiled threat to make them tell all.
After he has hopefully fessed up then you say "right and the other stuff" - he will either say there is nothing or spill his guts even more. If he says there is nothing else then tell him straight if you find out and he has lied the consequences will be worse as he has lied on top of his misdemeanor, this gives him one last chance to come clean.

Or you spend £13 finding out - if the account is automatically linked to his credit card he will be spending the £13 for you to find out.
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Re: p*rn

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Thu Jun 04, 2009 9:45 am

Bel Bel wrote:Or you spend £13 finding out - if the account is automatically linked to his credit card he will be spending the £13 for you to find out.


I was thinking that but I am not that dishonest.
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Re: p*rn

Postby RagDoll » Thu Jun 04, 2009 12:21 pm

I think Bel Bels' suggestions are pretty good - I definitely think you should speak to him about it.
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Re: p*rn

Postby RagDoll » Tue Jun 09, 2009 11:41 am

Did you speak to him about it over the weekend Dipsy, or did you decide it's best left? Has he gone back to his usual self?
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Re: p*rn

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jun 09, 2009 11:51 am

He seemed back to normal at the weekend, thanks :). I did look at his internet history when I was on his computer - he did delete all the history later (he does normally delete it every month or so); he didn't seem to have been on the premium stuff since the last time I knew of. I did make him aware he'd been "doing something" I definately wasn't happy with. Whether he hasn't been using it for that or because of the price I don't know. He's been on normal stuff but no "chat" stuff; not even the free chat since I made him aware I was miffed at "something". I guess I'll check again this weekend but for now it seems better; he's been texting regularly again and I got lots of attention at the weekend, rather than being ignored.
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Re: p*rn

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jun 09, 2009 11:52 am

What I should add is, I think I'll leave it if he doesn't do it again - I'll put it down to him "trying" something. If he uses it again I'll say something.
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Re: p*rn

Postby RagDoll » Tue Jun 09, 2009 1:26 pm

Well I am glad he seems back to normal :)

I think your approach is sensible really.
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Re: p*rn

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Jun 09, 2009 2:45 pm

only issue now is that if he knows your onto him he may always delete his trail and therefore you will never know if he has done it again
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Re: p*rn

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jun 09, 2009 2:59 pm

I have thought about that Bel Bel...however I can access his account to see what he is using. If I want I can also check out his e-mails since I know the password. I was speaking to a friend about this and she asked her boyfriend his "male opinion" she and him have both said what is on here; however I was maybe thinking of asking my bf his "male opinion" on the matter because a 'friend of mine' is having issues and doesn't know how to deal with it - although I was thinking of asking in a month or so provided he doesn't keep using it.
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Re: p*rn

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Jun 09, 2009 3:26 pm

good idea
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Re: p*rn

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jun 16, 2009 3:55 pm

I've asked him! It's only over text because I wasn't feeling brave enough to do it face to face.

So;

Him: I've had stupid porn ones appear up but thats it. Which is thereason my hyperlinks don't work
His hyperlinks don't actually work anymore...
Me: You are going to argue I'm 100% wrong anyway but it doesn't keep popping up and taking you straight through. Stuff may pop up but you have to click it.
Him: Yea which I did because of outlook. If you are that botered I will let you add a website filter with a password that I don't know.
Me: So from that I'm the bad guy
Him: No I'm just saying that outlook is stupid. It's broke my hyperlinks. But I'm saying you can add any filter if you want as a sign of trust

I haven't texted back yet, but I haven't mentioned the premium stuff (I'll see) and it's not like it's a random pop up because it's a different website that "oh he signed up for" and it's not like it 'pops' up everytime he uses the main free site, it's only occasionally it appears i.e. when I think he's went on the site.
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Re: p*rn

Postby Skarlet » Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:51 pm

At least you raised it. It sounds like he is trying to cover himself though. And not being funny, even if you did install the program like he says, what is stopping him being able to turn it off when you aren't there. Although it is downright sneaky and underhanded could you get his log in details for the site and actually look at his usage.
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Re: p*rn

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Jun 17, 2009 8:14 am

well now lying can be added to the porn problem
Why don't you just straight out confront him about the premium stuff, it's obviously bothering you and if you let it fester there is a chance you will get resentful and arguements will start and it will come out in the wrong way
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Re: p*rn

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed Jun 17, 2009 8:20 am

Bel Bel wrote:well now lying can be added to the porn problem
Why don't you just straight out confront him about the premium stuff, it's obviously bothering you and if you let it fester there is a chance you will get resentful and arguements will start and it will come out in the wrong way


I don't have any evidence though; although I checked his emails this morning and "his account is closed"...

I'll add the full conversation on in a bit...
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Re: p*rn

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Jun 17, 2009 8:44 am

You don't need evidence, you saw it with your own eyes.
If you think he is going to deny it doesn't that make it worse because he is lying to you too. If he lies about this when confronted how many other things would he lie about? At the moment I can understand why he isn't going to tell you what you don't know as you are already upset, it's self preservation, but once confronted with something you both KNOW he has done and he blantantly lies thats a different matter and a worse crime in my opinion.
You have to have trust and that means he has to tell the truth and then you need to sort it out and move on from there
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