advice needed please...

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advice needed please...

Postby shazzak » Wed Jun 24, 2009 8:59 pm

im 32, have a 13 yr old daughter,im a carer for my parents so i live with them because they could need me at anytime. i was 15 stone wen pregnant then finally went down to 9 stone..... i met a new man 8 yrs ago slowly ive lost my friends and social life, ive put everything into my daughter, parents and relationship!! slowly im puttin the weight back on...... ive been suffering from depression for a few years and have no confidence at all, i thought drinking a little bit now and again would give me a bit of a lift, which it did at first. now 6 yrs on im drinkin more and more, i dont want to drink and im affraid im alchohol dependant, i find it hard to tell people how i feel ( 1-because i dont want to be judged 2-i dont really know how i feel and 3-telling people how i really feel would upset some people ie parents)......
im so angry, and hate myself for being this weak,
what can i do? i dont want to go doctors.... fear of being labled!
any suggestions.
xxx
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Thu Jun 25, 2009 9:59 am

The doctor won't label you, they will advise you a treatment plan. The first step is admitting you have a problem, which you have done. The next step is to go and speak to the doctor. Please do for the sake of your parents, daughter and partner.
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby kerrie24 » Thu Jun 25, 2009 11:35 am

Rather the doctor sort you out now than leaving the problem to get a lot worse,put a stop to it before it goes any further,your daughter will be proud of you.
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Thu Jun 25, 2009 1:58 pm

kerrie24 wrote:your daughter will be proud of you.


I echo that.

My friends mam was an alcoholic...when my friend was 2 her mam started drinking; she's now 25 and mam-less. Her mam died last year, from excessive alcohol consumption and heavy smoking. If my friends mam had admitted the problem like you have, I think she'd still be around, and even if she wasn't my friend would have happy memories of her mam; rather than coming home from school and finding her mam passed out drunk and unable to wake her and constant hospital visits to see her, and nights alone because her mam was in hospital (my friend left home at 17). My friend has turned out soooooooo well and I'm unbelievably proud of her; but I really do think she's always going to be scarred by having an alcoholic mother.
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby Jo » Thu Jun 25, 2009 2:28 pm

Hey shazzak,

I'm not sure how much you are drinking but at the moment you seem to be lucid and in control; professionals will NOT look down on you for seeking help early - that is what they are there for, they deal with it every day. If you don't want to contact your GP then find out about your local alcohol team or phone a helpline (see links below). If you go for help while you're still in control then you might be able to keep things discrete.

Imagine, however, what could happen if you don't go for help now, and your drinking continues to get worse. There will come a point where you are no longer in control and it will be impossible to keep things discrete. I've cared for someone whose drinking was so bad that he completely lost control and ended up in hospital with liver failure - there was no chance of hiding what was happening to him and in the end he was so ill that it was taken right out of his hands.

Compare that situation to your current one - which one is preferable?

I realise that alcohol might not be the main problem, but keep in mind that there isn't a problem that alcohol can't make worse (I pinched that from an Alcoholics Anonymous booklet)!

DRINKLINE: 0800 917 82 82

http://www.alcoholconcern.org.uk
http://www.adfam.org.uk
http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk (AA have a spiritual/religious approach but parts of the site are helpful).
http://www.smartrecovery.co.uk (don't know too much about these people).
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Thu Jun 25, 2009 3:31 pm

Don't the Samaritans do relevant work as well?

Jo wrote:If you go for help while you're still in control then you might be able to keep things discrete.


Oh I so agree with that.
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby shazzak » Thu Jun 25, 2009 7:35 pm

thank you all for the replies, and links, i shall be browsing them later.i know your all right in what you say and i agree, it seems so easy to think about doing the right thing... but when it comes to acting on it its hard.
on average i drink up to 2 70cl bottles of vodka a week more if im feeling realy down!
i deffinatly have to get this sorted, im thinking perhaps if i get the depression sorted first i may be strong enough to sort out my drinking.
i do know i cant continue like this for all our sakes, its driving me mad its a vicious circle... i drink to feel better, then i feel worse for drinking!
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Fri Jun 26, 2009 9:17 am

shazzak wrote:it seems so easy to think about doing the right thing... but when it comes to acting on it its hard.


If you make the first step and go to the doctors they can advise you the best way to combat your problems. It will be a hard struggle but just think, in the end it will be worth it :)
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Jun 26, 2009 12:32 pm

Stopping the drinking will alos help you lose weight. There are about 40 calories in a single vodka and ir you are having with normal coke or orange juice thats another 100 calories
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Fri Jun 26, 2009 12:43 pm

Bel Bel wrote:Stopping the drinking will alos help you lose weight. There are about 40 calories in a single vodka and ir you are having with normal coke or orange juice thats another 100 calories


I know this isn't really that relevant so apologies, my friends mam, the alcoholic, she was very thin...because she'd spend all of her money on vodka rather than food.
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Jun 26, 2009 12:54 pm

I agree most alcohlics are thin but shazzak complained of putting on weight so i don't think it's got that far yet
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby Jo » Fri Jun 26, 2009 2:18 pm

shazzak wrote:...im thinking perhaps if i get the depression sorted first i may be strong enough to sort out my drinking...


I can certainly see the logic behind this way of thinking, but it will be really difficult to get your head in the right fame of mind to stop being depressed while you are still drinking. The friend I mentioned above is now almost a year without drink and the serious depression he was suffering has vanished with the alcohol. That's not to say that he doesn't still get depressed or anxious sometimes, but the difference now is that he can cope with it - because he's not drinking.

You can not have a clear head while you are depending on alcohol - if you tackle the alcohol first it's quite possible that the rest will fall into place.
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Jun 26, 2009 3:52 pm

I agree with Jo on this one
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby shazzak » Fri Jun 26, 2009 7:17 pm

Jo wrote:
shazzak wrote:...im thinking perhaps if i get the depression sorted first i may be strong enough to sort out my drinking...


You can not have a clear head while you are depending on alcohol - if you tackle the alcohol first it's quite possible that the rest will fall into place.


ur talking sense..... i know that... i did forget to mention that on and off ive been suffering with depression since i was 17.
my nan also suffered with it along with agraphobia, im also uncomfortable leaving the house and find i have to push myself.... basically i only go out if i really have to...... is this inhederitary.? ](*,)
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon Jun 29, 2009 9:37 am

I don't think it would be hereditory, it would just be something you have grown up with therefore it's "normal" to you, where as it's not necessarily normal to other people.
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