advice needed please...

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Re: advice needed please...

Postby ennis81 » Mon Jun 29, 2009 10:20 am

Ah Alcohol, the biggest demon of them all. When your stressed and depressed MOST people decide to have a drink to relax, however alcohol is not relaxing its actually depressing. Its very very easy to develop a habit like this and all of a sudden realise your feeling dependent on it.
Go to the doctor, He will not judge you so don't be afraid :) You also need to deal with the depression, then join a keep fit class this will help with the depression and the weight gain and you'll also have great fun, if you find it hard to leave the house then maybe try an exercise dvd and get your daughter to do it with you, it must be hard coping with a teenager and bein a carer don't be too hard on yourself, get some help and you can turn this around and make your self feel better Xxxx
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby shazzak » Fri Aug 07, 2009 1:24 am

thanx 4 that ennis81...... i am realy tryin to stop the drinkin, ive bought a nintendo wii with the wii fit so me and my daughter can have some fun while hopefully ile lose some weight....(tho she does think playin games with her mom is sooo un-cool...lol) i hate the way i look. it doesnt feel like me i look like sum1 else...(if u get wat i mean).ive gon from 9st 6 to 13st 8, im just a big blob.... i no my bf dont like it and he makes a point of sayin im fat but i cant help it at the moment.... im still drinkin but i try to keep it down to social events like wen i go to my mates. i no i still shouldnt do it then but ive lost so many friends due to me being in the house all the time ive only got 1 left who i visit..... its not good because she drinks more than me(tho she hasnt got a problem with her drinking) its like i want sum1 to give me a boot up the backside and tell me to get a grip..... xxx
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Aug 07, 2009 10:56 am

large boot coming your way
GET A GRIP

Hope that helps :wink:
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Aug 07, 2009 11:05 am

Oh a serious note, you are making changes, pat yourself on the back for that.
Slow steady change is better than all out attack and then fail
What are you drinking too because as I said before alcohol has a lot of calories in so cutting down will help you lose weight or at least chaning to spirits with a diet mixer will reduce the calories rather than wine or standard coke, although I do think stopping drinking would be better
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby ennis81 » Fri Aug 07, 2009 11:46 am

Hiya hun,
Glad to hear you got a WII they're great fun, I'm a bit addicted to mario cart I have to admit!!! You've started to make some changes, now maybe try and start a new diet or join weight watchers since your weight gain seems to be causing you unhappiness aswell, like Bel Bel already said Alcohol has alot of calories in it and the less you drink the more weight you will lose, don't let anybody (eg: Boyfriend grr men :x ) make u feel bad cause you gained a bit of weight, an oil painting himself is he??!! :lol:
The best advice I can give you, is to set yourself little goals, give yourself little treats when you reach your goals, I have to say I do think it would probably help to give up the drink completely for while, I think it would really help make you feel better, I don't think your an alchololic or anything (My sister and one of my best friends are) alchololics change when they have had a drink, and they won't stop drinking until they are completely plastered, is this how u are with the drink or is more that you have a drink to try and chill out or out of boredom?
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby shazzak » Sat Aug 08, 2009 7:12 am

yeah it is out of boredom it also give me confidence i dont get plastered tho....
thanx bel bel for the kick up the backside...lol
by the way i drink vodka with diet coke or orange juice.. :)
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Aug 10, 2009 9:53 am

you will be surprised how much calories orange juice has and every glass adds up.
swap that for diet lemonade for a change from the diet coke
try weakening the strength of your drinks to help you cut down too
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby shazzak » Wed Aug 12, 2009 1:05 am

thanx for all ur advice...... i think i no why i have a drinking problem not that im blamin this person but she dosnt help...... i tried to move out of home when i was 19, my mom broke down and begged me not to go and started usin emotional blackmail on me............... im 32 now and shes still doing it, i feel like shes took my independence away she makes me feel like shes in control and i must do as she says.... i dont like to refuse her incase i upset her her health isnt good and i feel like i owe her ....... i think sometimes i resent her .. it sounds bad i no but i cant help it, im 32 but im still living my life like a child listening to MOMMY!!!!!...... theres soo much more to this but it would probaby take me months to write the whole story...am i bad for thinking this? should i just carry on to please her? wat should i do, i really cant explain how i feel im sooo angry and frustrated........ i love my mom n dad to bits i dont know wat to do....
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby LME79 » Wed Aug 12, 2009 8:23 am

ennis81 wrote:Ah Alcohol, the biggest demon of them all. When your stressed and depressed MOST people decide to have a drink to relax, however alcohol is not relaxing its actually depressing. Its very very easy to develop a habit like this and all of a sudden realise your feeling dependent on it.
Go to the doctor, He will not judge you so don't be afraid :) You also need to deal with the depression, then join a keep fit class this will help with the depression and the weight gain and you'll also have great fun, if you find it hard to leave the house then maybe try an exercise dvd and get your daughter to do it with you, it must be hard coping with a teenager and bein a carer don't be too hard on yourself, get some help and you can turn this around and make your self feel better Xxxx


I just want to echo what ennis81 said about alcohol being depressing - alcohol is actually a depressant which is why people can feel really down when hungover, even if they're not suffering from depression.

As for your last post, of course you're not bad for wanting to be independent! You need to live your own life - we get ONE shot at it and I believe we should all have a happy one! My mum will always give me mum advice, not necessarily good advice, but she does try - it's up to me as an adult as to what decision I make, whether it be about buying a home, new job etc. Sometimes my mum riles me with some of her advice but I know she's just got my best interests at heart. That could be part of it with your mum, though I appreciate it sounds like she operates on a much higher level than that! What I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that YOU are the one living your life - not your mum. You need to think about how each decision YOU make will affect YOUR life. If you continue to do as your mum says the whole time just to keep her happy then you will spiral down into a vicious circle of resentment and misery and I know that's not what you want. That will not mean you love your parents any less - it simply means you are taking back control of your own life.

Going back to the alcohol part - if you haven't already, look at the links that Jo posted earlier and/or make an appointment with your doctor. They won't look down on you. Alcohol and depression are not nice together - I believe that in order for you to deal with your depression, it will be better to be tee total for it, particularly if you drink as a form of escapism.

Sorry I've rambled on a bit, hope I've made sense.

x
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Aug 12, 2009 10:54 am

I think LME is right you need to think about you and your life. Your mum can only control you if you let her. It's not you that will be upsetting her by standing up for yourself, she will be upsetting herself by having unreal expectations of how she wants your relationship to be and not accepting your an adult now and want and need to make your own choices
Do you live with your mum? If no it will be easier than you think once you start to stand up for yourself. Perhaps you can go to the doctor and tell them your depressed and it's making you drink and you wnat some conseeling. They will be able to help with your self esteem, assertivness and all these things will lead to you feeling better about yourself and the you will feel stronger and will be able to give up the drink
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby snail » Wed Aug 12, 2009 4:12 pm

Bel Bel wrote:Do you live with your mum? If no it will be easier than you think once you start to stand up for yourself.

Yes, she does, Bel
shazzak wrote:im a carer for my parents so i live with them because they could need me at anytime.


Given that you're looking after both a child and your parents on your own, Shazzak, it's no wonder you're struggling, and you deserve help. Perhaps if the doc could refer you to a counsellor, you could also get some practical help with caring as well? Perhaps your parents could even get a professional carer in, and you and your daughter could finally move out?
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Re: advice needed please...

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Aug 12, 2009 4:14 pm

Yes i agree with snail you should try and get some help from careers
Whilst living with your mum it is always going to be more difficult to get away from her grip
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